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About Google Book Search Google's mission is to organize the world's information and to make it universally accessible and useful. Google Book Search helps readers discover the world's books while helping authors and publishers reach new audiences. You can search through the full text of this book on the web at |http: //books .google .com/I ■j Carol A. Stickney, Aged Fourteen T^ ■> Illustrated G. P. Putnap/s Sk^Tir New York an^i L o';iJo^ ur:'- A Daughter of the Puritans An Autobiography By Caroline A. Stickney Greevey Anthor oi " lUereatioiit in Botany," "Plowen of Pteld, Hill, and Swamp," "Harpof'* Guide to Wild Plowen," ete. Illustrated J G. P. Putnam's Sons New York and London Qlbe imfcltet&ocltet pte00 1916 728348 OOPTRIGHT. I916 • IT CAROLINE A. STICKNEY CREEVBY • • • * Ube imfcftetboclier ptct§» lUw llork MY SON WILLIAM STICKNEY CREEVEY AND MY DAUGHTER ELIZABETH HALE CREEVEY THIS RBCOSD OP THEIR MOTHER'S EARLY LIFE IS AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED ''Everybody experiences the wonderful, the re- freshing tenderness that Memory shows when she touches the things of our early youth, our home and the gracious presences that peopled it. For the poor- est of us Memory treasures a golden age. Memory takes the common, ptirges, clarifies, ennobles, trans- figures it ; and the ordinary life of an ordinary boy (or girl) becomes to him, after forty ordinary years have passed, a thing of crystalline radiance/'—JJewry Dwight Sedgwick. CONTENTS I. — ^Foreword . . . , PAG* I II. — My Parents . • . , 4 III. — Childhood . . . , 7 IV. — Infancy 13 V. — Play-Time and Dawnings of Conscience . . . . 15 VI. — Punishment . . . . 22 VII.— The New House 25 VIII. — My Mother . . . , 28 IX. — ^The Puritan Sunday . 34 X. — Missionaries . . . . • 40 XI. — In Church . . . . 43 XII. — ^The Unpardonable Sin . 51 XIII. — ^JULLA AND her StORIES 55 XIV.— What Katy Dro . . . 66 XV.— The Three Bears . . 71 XVI. — ^A Broken Arm 74 XVII. — Mattie and I Fall into thi Water and are nearly Drowned . . . . t ■ 76 • • vu vm CONTENTS XVIII. — ^AuNT Hannah . XIX. — Disciplining Aunt Hannah XX. — Bears and Other Beasties XXI. — ^Theft and its Consequences XXII. — ^Family Life XXIII. — ^A Cure for Warts XXIV. — Bees and Billy XXV.— A May-Day Party XXVI. — ^Thanksgiving Day XXVIL— Fast Day XXVIII. — Death of my Little Sister XXIX. — ^Uniting with the Church XXX. — ^Religious Impressions XXXI. — Medical Practice XXXII. — ^VisiT TO New York XXXIII.— The High School XXXIV. — Influence of Revolutionary Times .... XXXV. — ^Extracts from my Journal XXXVI. — Biblical Instruction XXXVII. — More of the Journal XXXVIII. — My Youngest Sister PACK 80 86 88 93 98 103 106 III 116 121 127 131 135 139 143 147 156 160 169 175 183 CONTENTS ix FAGB XXXIX. — ^Attempt to Frighten me .187 XL. — ^The Year in Bangor, with MY Uncle .... 193 XLI. — ^The Bangor High School . 198 XLII. — ^Extracts from the Journal . 204 XLIII. — ^A School Incident . . .215 XLIV. — ^Entrance into Wheaton Semi- nary 221 XLV. — Contest with my Parents 230 XLVI. — ^The Religious Atmosphere of Wheaton Seminary . . 235 XLVII. — Sanctification and Holiness . 241 XLVIII. — Missionary Aspirations Quenched .... 247 XLIX. — ^Yellow-Covered Literature . 255 L. — ^The New Principle 260 ILLUSTRATIONS FAGB Carol A. Stickney, Aged Fourteen Frontispiece Facsimile of my Grandfather's Announce- ment TO HIS Wife's Mother, of the Birth of my Mother, Mary Hale 6 The Stickney Home in Rockville, Conn. . 7 Mr. and Mrs. John Newton Stickney . 28 From a daguerreotype taken about 1850. Order op Exercises at the Quarterly Meeting of the Tolland County Tem- perance Society, South Coventry, Dec. 25, 183s 48 Programme of the First Concert of the "Harmonic Union" at the 2nd Con- gregational Church, on Tuesday Even- ing, Sept. 27, 1853 48 Programme of the Little Folks' Concert Given by the "Rosebud Vocalists," at THE 1ST Congregational Church, Wednes- day Evening, Oct. 25, 1854 ... 48 Mrs. Aurelia M. Stebbins . . -49 Carol and Mattie, Aged Six and Four 77 xi xii ILLUSTRATIONS FAGB Mr. Webb, Missionary from Madras ioi Mrs. Ltdia Hale Devan, Missionary to v^^INA ••...• My Sister Jane, Aged Five Carol A. Stickney, Aged Sixteen Thomas Gage Stickney 102 i86 193 194 Mrs. Caroline C. Metcalf, PRiNaPAL of Wheaton Seminary for Twenty-five Years 225 Miss Lucy Larcom, Teacher of Engush in Wheaton Seminary .... 226 Miss Cutler 227 Miss Maria Mellus 229 Mr. Puller, Teacher of Music in Wheaton Seminary 240 Mrs. Caroline A. S. Creevey . . 262 Taken soon after nmrriage. Latest Photograph of Mrs. Creevey . 265 A Daughter of the Puritans A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS FOREWORD Nearly two generations have passed since I was a child. During this time great and remark- able changes have taken place in the religious training of children, owing, principally, to a partial loss of faith in a future, and consequent difference of view in regard to this life. The tendency to-day is to say, this life we know and therefore we will get all we can out of it. The life after death has never been proved by the return of the dead. Perhaps it exists only in our imagination which we call faith and this has weakened with the advent of luxury, with the material progress of the nine- teenth century, with the discoveries of science, with the consequent loss of reverence for the Bible 2 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS as the verbally inspired and undisputed Word of God, and with the prospect of more and happier years this side of the grave. Once poverty and misforttme cotmted for nothing here, with the celestial city in sight. In fact it wotdd be worth while to be poor and imsuccessftd here, since there was to be an evening up of lives there. In the parable of Dives and Lazarus, the former ** received his good things in this life, and Lazarus evil things." **But now," the parable adds, ''he is comforted and thou art in anguish." The fact is that when science destroyed the crea- tion of the world in six days the comer-stone of the old, tmquestioning faith was knocked out, and the edifice has been crtmibling ever since. ' It is to show the strictness and severity of my early training, as well as to portray the ordinary life of a New England girl in the middle of the last century, that I am reviewing my childhood. If some of my "experiences" and the extracts from my "diary" seem impossible as judged by the children of this age, I wish to emphasize that they are not in the least particular overdrawn. » To-day, however, the edifice has been reconstructed, since learned Christian scholars have, by reverent criticism and honest search for truth, given us a "new Bible," acceptable to reason as well as faith, always the perfect guide to our moral and spiritual life. FOREWORD 3 My memory is clear as to the workings of my con- science, and the quotations from letters and diaries are given word for word as they were written in those foolish first years. No eyes but mine ever saw the journal, the special charm of which was that its entries were my own secret. It had been long laid away, and only recently, by accident, was it found. I was not a prodigy, but I was most serious about securing my soul's eternal salva- tion. No nun, relinquishing all that is natural and free in this life, could have worked harder for that end. Aside from that, I was a normal child, fond of play, of school where I was ambitious to excel, affectionate, impulsive, and faulty. I led a sort of dual life, one full of fun and play, the other dark and mysterious, shadowed by an angry Deity whom my best efforts could not wholly please, and by an ''enemy of souls, " whose deceitful wiles could be met only by constant vigilance. Satan was a reality in those days. II MY PARENTS Father and mother were of old New England stock, mother being bom in Boston, father in a small town in Maine. Both parents were de- scended from Revolutionary families. Father could trace his line straight from the Mayflower, while mother's parents were cousins, a niece and nephew of Nathan Hale, the famous spy of the Revolution- ary war. My grandfather on my mother's side was David Hale, one of the first editors of the Jour- nal of Commerce, and his home was in New York City. He was a strong Congregationalist, and intimately connected with the establishment of Congregational churches in New York and Brook- lyn. The Broadway Tabernacle owes its founda- tion to him, and his money and influence helped to bring into existence the churches of Dr. Storrs and Mr. Beecher in Brooklyn. I am not giving the details of my grandfather's life further than to show that on both parents' sides Puritan blood flowed, almost undiluted, through my veins. 4 MY PARENTS 5 My parents were married in New York in 1837, father being twenty-one years of age, mother two years older. I have the letter, written in 18 16 by my grandfather to his wife's mother, mentioning the birth of my mother. It is yellow with age and torn, but I have it framed and htmg under her picture. It reads: March 11, 1816. My dear Mother: I have now the pleasure to inform you, that your lovely daughter who has so often before made me happy, has this morning conferred on me the new obligation of a little daughter. Both the mother and the daughter are doing very well. Let us not for- get to render thanks to that Being who gives every blessing. We feel placed in a new situation, with new duties and new pleasures, and need your prayers that we may be enabled to devote our little treasure to that Being who has given her to us. With gratitude and duty I am, Your aflEectionate Son David Hale Jun'r. P.S. Your anksiety will make it my duty to write again in the cours of two weeks. The little creature is almost as heavy as a six pounds weight. Thus was announced the beginning of the life of one of the sweetest and best women that the Lord ever gave to this earth. 6 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS When my father asked my grandfather for the hand of his lovely daughter Mary in marriage, Mr. Hale asked him whether he had ever learned a trade. As father had been in a store since he was fifteen years old, first in Hallowell, Maine, with his uncle William Stickney, and later in the great city, he had learned no trade. The lady of his desire was refused until he could show some proficiency in that line. Therefore he apprenticed himself to a cooper. When he proudly showed my grandfather a tub and a barrel all of his own make, his request was granted. Without loss of time, the young cooper started for Coventry, Connecticut, where Mary was living with her grandmother. Two or three days stifficed for the journey from New York, and John entered unannounced by letter, since letters cost twenty- five cents in those days. Scarcely could he eat and rest, so anxious was he to learn his fate, before he invited the lady to take a walk. They strolled around Coventry Pond, and the moon was risen before they returned with faces shining, hearts and hands joined for a long life. Ill CHILDHOOD After an unsuccessful attempt to establish themselves in a western town (Michigan was considered western then), where my mother's first three children were bom, father and mother went to Rockville, a small but growing town in Connec- ticut, fifteen miles east of Hartford. It num- bered then, about four hundred inhabitants, but to-day, is counted among the thriving, manufactur- ing cities of the State. Father cut down pine trees on a hill, and built his house in the space thus made. For forty-five years, until his death, that was his home, very dear to him, a house added to here and there, as the wish seized him, until it defied all settled lines of architecture. The place extended over several acres, and at the foot of the hill father owned two of the first-built nulls . of the town. Large sheets of brown and white paper were made there. I was a frequent visitor to the mills, and became familiar with the details of 7 8 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS paper manufacture from the room filled with dusty rags, and the large, revolving vats of pulp, to the machine which fed and cut ugly brown or clean, pretty, white paper. If any sheets were blemished they were thrown aside and I was permitted to gather them up to cut into paper dolls, of which I had a large and ever-increasing family. On these I expended much time and taste, some of the ** ladies" having many and variously colored dresses, coats, hats and aprons, in their wardrobes. These I painted with my box of water colors fastening everything on with ingeniously contrived belts and shoulder-straps. A waterfall, some seventy feet high, of much natural beauty, furnished the power for father's mills, or as we used to say, **ran the mills. " The stream continued to descend a mile or more, attracting, in the course of time, other factories, of men's woolen goods, of silk and cotton thread, and of envelopes, all of which proved the means of growth and wealth for this pretty New England village. Its modest houses crept up the slopes of hills on either side of the river, and a broad, level space in the heart of the town was made into parks around which were grouped churches and stores with the one hotel. The Main Street had three levels, one rising above another, with CHILDHOOD 9 banks held in place by stone walls which were broken by flights of steps. It was on the Middle Road that I once came near losing my life, for the horse which I was driving was frightened by a broken harness some part of which struck against his heels, causing him to rim away. Had I not been able to turn his head into the stone wall, and hold it there until men came to the rescue, my light buggy must, inevitably, have been smashed or overturned a few rods farther on where the hotel stood and where many horses and teams were hitched. These three divisions of Main Street formed a unique and picturesque feature of the village. With its mill bells and whistles, the ntunerous oper- atives coming and going, its stores and farmers' wagons arriving from the coimtry around with produce for sale or exchange, its foundry, gro- cery stores, printing presses, banks, churches and schools, this grew, in not many years, to be a busy, bustling, important town. After some time, steam as a factory power was introduced, a change which multiplied the factories, but which seemed to my father and men like him, a sad innovation. For water cost nothing, but steam meant coal and labor. The Hockanum river flowed through the town taking its rise from Snipsic 10 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS lake, a sheet of dear water about two miles long, with wooded, high banks forming one shore, low, ctaltivated farms spreading out from the other. In one spot there was a magnificent pine grove, a favor- ite visiting place of mine. Here I would walk, sit, and read, or lie down and dream on the pine needles in a summer afternoon. Since tramps were tm- known in those days, I often went alone and spent two or three hours in my Eden. The delicious smell of my grove rises in my nostrils now. The russet carpet was soft and clean. There the pink moc- casin flower grew, and occasionally the small, yellow lady's-slipper. The Hartford fern lay there in masses and I would twine it in wreaths for my hat. Many years after, I was married to the man of my choice under an arch of wild clematis and Hartford fern, gathered from my grove, and these plants seem always, in a special manner, to belong to me. Numberless other dainty small vines and flowers grew in my grove, those that flourished in the warm shade, which I used to talk to and love. I seldom picked them, because it seemed to hurt them, they wilted so soon. And they belonged so thoroughly to their environment. It is the careless plucking of our wild flowers by those who think they love them, but who often tear and destroy whole plants in the effort to secure CHILDHOOD II a few blossoms, which is causing the disappearance of many of these tender friends of man. I was not guilty of that sin even as a very young person. Lying at full length upon my mossy cushions, I could gaze far up into the noble roof of my grove, where the stmlight came through only in spots. The pines made soft music, mingled with distant bird notes and the fine hum of insects. A softly singing brook made a contralto to the chorus. I often turned up old, decayed leaves, or broke off a piece of bark from an old stump, and surprised little black beetles or earwigs which ran, fright- ened, to cover. Sometimes a shy rabbit or gray squirrel or chipmunk stopped to look at me, and perhaps scold me, and once I saw a mink with its rat-like eyes peeping over a log. The wild things are very curious about us who intrude into their seclusion. There were no snakes or mos- quitoes in my grove, nothing to make one afraid, and the wavelets of the lake swished softly, not far off. After forty years I visited my grove, and lo! there was no grove. The trees had fallen victims to the Itunberman's axe, and doubtless the pine logs had made fiires for cool days in the summer cottages which now line the high banked shore of the lake. But the memory of those sights, sounds, 12 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS and smells will always linger with me. It was there, that, without knowing it, I acquired a taste for the free out-of-doors and a desire to learn about birds, insects, and flowers, which has proved the greatest of pleasures, and which, in my books, I have striven to bring to the love of others. IV INFANCY My mother had eight children, four of whom died in infancy. I was the eldest but one, the first- bom having been a boy who passed from the parental nest when he was six months old. The loss of this boy was a terrible blow to my parents. My mother told me that she feared father would lose his sanity through his wild grief. When I came, being a girl, he scarcely noticed me for many weeks of my babyhood. One day he came into the room where I was sitting in mother's lap. I stretched out my hands towards him, and crowed in baby fashion. He caught me in his arms, hugged me, and was my devoted father from that day, as long as he lived. Mother used to relate, with the sense of quiet humor for which she was noted, how she and father were taking a ride in a sleigh, near their home in Marshall, Michigan, when, in plowing through a deep drift, the sleigh was overturned. I, the 13 14 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS baby, was deeping, well wrapped, in mother's anns. For safe keeping, she threw me as far as she could into the drift of snow on one side. When the sleigh was righted, and the horse harnessed in, a search was made for the baby. So quietly had I f^en into my soft bed, all traces of me had dis- appeared. Not until father had tramped to a near-by fann-house and borrowed a shovel, was I discovered and dug out, my mother, meanwhile, standing by, nearly frantic, lest I should be sufEo- cated. When found, securely enfolded in the shawl, I was still sleeping, nor did mother's delighted caresses disturb my nap. V PLAY-TIME AND DAWNINGS OF CONSCIENCE As I grew older and other babies came, I was early called upon to help mother. Generally, I was willing to give up my own plans and *'take the baby,'* for I was fond of the little helpless things, and was careful of them when babies, guiding them with an older sister's authority when they became old enough to be dragged out- doors, for I lived as much as possible in the open. I was healthy and muscular, playing with boys in preference to girls, partly because some nice boys lived near us, partly because I liked their rougher games. Our family discipline was not more rigid than it was in other families, and I was not under especial supervision. Our acres were broad enough to afford all the space and variety that we needed for our sports and pursuits. For rainy days we had the bam with its sweet-smelling hay. For fair weather there were the orchard, the garden, the groves of chestnut and other trees, the bushes 15 i6 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS where we hid when playing "Hi spy," the fields and woods where wild flowers grew. We had swings, cubby-houses, and the appxopriate places for ** poppy shows." These were shallow holes lined with moss, decorated with pretty stones, shells, bits of crockery or glass, all arranged with flowers and leaves so as to look like a kaleidoscope. They could be seen, only on payment of a pin. We would sing : *' A pin, a pin for a poppy show. Give me a pin and 1*11 let you know. " In winter our own hill afforded flne coasting, and big sleds with bright, smooth nmners were cherished by girls as well as boys. But very early in my life I was made to feel a sense of personal responsibility towards God. I was told that God could read my thoughts as well as hear every word I should say. This I found difficult to believe. He would require strict accoimt of every word and deed of mine. A severe Recording Angel spent his time writing down in a big book all my sins. These would be read off and made public before assembled multitudes on the Judgment Day. Could this publication of my misdemeanors be made privately, between the angel and myself, the ordeal would lose many of its PLAY-TIME 17 terrors. But all the world would be there, all since Adam who had lived before me, and all who should live after me, and they would be filled with grief as they gazed at my blushing face. I declared to myself that I would not cry. I would be brazenly wicked and unrepentant. But as tears often came at the thought, I was not perfectly sure of myself, and could only hope that in the course of a long life, I might have some deeds to my credit. I do not mean that all this was told me in so many words, but my imagination supplemented the teachings of parents and Sunday-school teachers, and at the end of all things, the Judgment Day stood out in livid colors. The point especially emphasized was that I should have to answer, personally, for my own conduct. Father and mother could not help me if they would. I must stand alone. Therefore I had to be careful. If possible, I must deceive God into thinking that I was a good girl, even if that were not true. After all, God might be very like my mother who did not scold or punish severely, even when deeply offended. I could, generally, make her smile, while she reproved me. So, if I told a lie, but punished myself by reading two chapters instead of one (which was my daily stint), in the Bible, I felt that I had sufficiently atoned, had warded off the divine displeasure, and i8 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS could go calmly and unafraid to bed. Mother often made me ''meditate'' as an aftermath of her light punishments. I would sit on my small chair, and really try to think the proper things. But my thoughts would wander to a bird's nest which I had fotmd that morning, or the cup of black- berries I had picked, or the new calf discovered in the bam the day before, too cunning for any- thing. As soon as the prescribed time, fifteen or twenty minutes, was over, I would arise with a happy sigh and turn to pleasanter occupations. There was nothing of the Buddhist about me. Ab- sorption into Nirvana would not have appealed to me. And to this day I don't know how to meditate. I must be actively employed, not sitting with hands folded, "a veranda lady, " as my small son used to call those who spent much of their time rocking back and forth upon the porch of a near-by hotel. But one of my ambitions was, if I should die young, to be made into a Sunday-school library book, like Little Jane, which I read many times with great relish. It would be the only compensation I could think of, should I be taken away. So I often said and wrote words to see how they would sound in a book which might be read by thoughtless children and which might lead them into ways of piety. PLAY-TIME 19 Except for my religious troubles, I lived as other children did. I played **His py," **I'm on King's Land," **Drop the handkerchief," and other games then in vogue. I think all our games were social, depending upon several boys and girls for their successful conduct. I never cared for spinning tops, or flying kites unless done in com- pany. I also * * called upon ' ' other girls, when, if it was in the autumn, we would go through a field where the weeds had gone to seed so that little burrs and sticktights might acctunulate upon our dresses. Then sitting down in the woods, we would hold a * * sewing-society, ' ' by picking them oflf . We did not know that we were acting as disseminators of these weeds, doing the very thing by scattering seeds that nature intended us to do. I often climbed trees and tore my clothes. I was my mother's despair about the big rents made in aprons, tmtil she conceived the clever idea of making me mend my own garments done in the clumsiest fashion, and wear them after my unskilled fingers had accom- plished their task. I seldom walked except to church. I ran or skipped, or jumped rope or rolled hoop when sent to the post office or store or even to school. Every day I was obliged to hem a towel (I think my mother must have had scores of hemmed towels, for there was always one 20 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS ready for sewing), or sew **over and over" the seam of a sheet, this duty keeping me in the house for half an hour after school. And if the work was carelessly done, it had to be ripped out and re- sewed. The days went quickly and happily enough. It was at night when I was alone and in the dark, that the awful facts of existence faced me, and I was afraid to go to sleep for fear I would never wake up. I would strain my eyes wide open, but in spite of all I could do, I could not stay awake, and so lost myself until morning, when I would open my eyes and consider that I had once more outwitted the bad angel who wanted to take me away in my sleep. And I have never liked the dark. Even now, when I awake in the night, I like to look from my window and see that there is still moonlight or starlight in the world. Do I make it clear that I lived two lives, one natural and childlike, the other terrified and tm- natural? I prayed, of course, but always as de- precating the wrath of an offended Deity. I was still very young when I strove after ** conviction of sin,** as the phrase went. Occasionally, when I had taken cold, or felt ill-used, I suspected that I had attained to that desirable state of mind. It was borne in upon me that I must pass through that experience in order to be saved. ** Saved" PLAY-TIME 21 meant, of course, Heaven and the bliss reserved for the good after death. One day, after reading something, it came to me that, in order to be saved, I must be willing, if it were God's will, to be eternally lost. My case was hopeless, unless I could say from my heart, * * I am willing to be lost in Hell forever. ' ' After a sad struggle, I concluded that I had reached that saintly state and men- tioned the fact to my mother. She looked at me with some astonishment and quietly said, **A11 the same, I should be careful, if I were you, to make my calling and election sure. " I then knew in my inner heart, that I had not the least doubt that somehow, in some way, I should be saved, otherwise I would not have been willing to be lost. VI PUNISHMENT My first experience with a court of justice, mother's of course, was when there were two of us, myself aged four, and Mattie aged two. Mother went away for the afternoon and promised some- thing nice on her return, to two good little girls. Mattie followed, always in my leading strings. They led, this time, to the keg of sugar. How delicious it was to lift the cover from the keg, biuy our hands in the brown, sticky, sweet stuff, and suck our fingers! Julia, the ** hired girl," was ironing, but distrusting the sudden silence which followed our previous chatter, she sought and found us. We were scolded, washed, and made present- able before mother came home. The story lost nothing in the telling. The blame was laid on me, where indeed, it belonged, for, as Julia said, I was old enough to know better. How, as I grew older, I got to hate that fateful preeminence in age! Mother said nothing, but she produced two large, 22 PUNISHMENT 23 wonderful oranges. Never since, have I seen such fruit as my memory paints it, yellow and juicy, fragrant, fit for angels to suck. Oranges, in those days, were a rare luxury. Mother gave both to Mattie. To me she said: **Go to your room and think how wicked it is to lead others into temptation. It is even worse than to do wrong yourself. * ' In a passion I cried, * * Keep them both, you little pig/' I went to my room while poor little Mattie, the innocent object of my wrath, wonderingly held an orange in each hand. I can almost feel, even now, some of the rage which filled my heart, and which made me refuse to taste the oranges when Mattie ate them. My pride had been severely wounded. It was not so much that I was deprived of mine, as that Mattie had two of the coveted fruits; that, somehow, she had made capital out of my niisfortune. Generally, I recognized the justice of my mother's dealings with us, even when, alas! I bore the brunt of her displeasure. Mother hated causing real suffering, but she believed in firm discipline, in ''breaking the will" as the phrase went. Usually her pen- alties were of the mildest kind. When Mattie and I quarreled, she would place us in two chairs facing each other, bidding us to look straight into one another's eyes, and on no account to smile. 24 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Very soon, smiles and then laughter came, and the bad feelings were gone. Then we would kiss and make up. Or an extra fifteen minutes of sewing, or a loss of the dessert at dinner, reminded us of rightful authority. In the matter of the oranges it would have* been wiser had mother given one of the desired fruits to my sister and reserved the other for me until I should have earned it by good behavior. However, I am sure that mother made fewer mistakes with us than I made in the train- ing of my own children when they came to me. Most mothers, even those whose intentions are the best, realize in later years that they made mis- takes in the care and development of their yotmg children, mostly because of misunderstanding of the child's point of view. VII THE NEW HOME I WELL remember the day when we were driven in a sleigh, to the new house on the hill. Mattie and I were nearly suffocated, having been placed in the bottom of the sleigh and covered with a buifalo robe. I was nearly five, old enough to look forward to the new home with pleasant expectancy. But the move was made in bleak March. The plastering of the rooms was still damp, and we all took cold. Mattie and I had lung fever. Mother had no help and was ill her- self. How she brought us children through the horrors of that chill month, she never knew. One day she thought I would follow the older brother whose death was still such a source of poignant grief to her and father. But father helped in the nursing and housekeeping, and we pulled through. Spring brought mild days and we gained in health and strength. There were rocks and hills all arotmd us. One hill not far from the 25 26 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS house we called Mars Hill (spelled Ma's), because it was a favorite walking place for mother who often climbed there and sat looking long at the western sky. On all the fields and hills, lovely- flowers grew, bushes clustered, spruces, pines, hemlocks, sassafras, willows, and chestnut trees were our friends. There was not a square foot in all the region with which we were not soon familiar. Among the few books in my library, the most delightful was Malleville the first of Dr. Jacob Abbott's Franconia Stories. Beechnut was the real hero of the story, and I longed for just such a sort of elder friend. During two years of my early childhood, one boy answered to my ideal of Beechnut. He did ** chores" for the bam and house, mingled with the family, and part of the day went to school. I was very fond of him. He found time to interest and amuse us children. I can see him now, climbing the biggest chestnut tree, and, with a long pole, knocking down nuts, big and brown, from the ends of the branches. What a pity that New England's fine chestnuts are either gone or seem doomed to death! We had several trees on our land, and the ripening of chestnuts was one of the events of the autumn. We roasted or boiled them over the coals in the sitting-room fire, and we ate pockets full, raw. THE NEW HOME 2^ My Beechnut gave us rides on the wheelbarrow, and he told us no end of tales of fairies and dwarfs. When he left us, he gave me a beautiful, morocco covered volume of the Pilgrim's Progress with many engravings in it, and my name marked in gilt letters on the outside. This boy's name was Edmtmd Mitchell. He is doubtless long since dead. I have not heard of him since those early days of my life, but I would like here, to offer my grateful tribute to his kindness and gentleness towards one little girl. I have my Pilgrim's Progress still, and have read it through many times. VIII MY MOTHER When my father took over the property in Rock- ville which my mother's father had left him, it was heavily encumbered with a mortgage. My grandfather expected to have left it free from this mortgage, but died before the debt was paid. I remember the day, I was, perhaps, eight years old, when father returned from a drive to Tolland, our cotmty seat. * * Mary, " he said, * * it is all paid. Let us give thanks." They clasped each other, and, unmindful of my presence, knelt together in the middle of the room. I then tmderstood for the first time, why we had been granted so few luxuries in dress and table ; why my parents worked so imremittingly ; why, in winter, we lived in the dining-room so as to save the expense of a fire in the sitting-room ; why, in short, we practiced so many, seemingly unnecessary economies. We always went to bed in a cold room, and, mornings, we washed ourselves in cold, often ice water. Once 28 Mr. and Mrs. John Newton Stickney MY MOTHER 29 a week, in winter, we were given a bath in a small tub of hot water in the warm kitchen. In summer there was no hardship connected with our bedroom ablutions. Things were a little easier after the mortgage was paid off, for father had besides his mills, a store in the village, and mother had a little property of her own, invested in Journal of Commerce stocks, a heritage from her father. But habits of strict economy were early instilled into us children, and nothing was wasted that could possi- bly be used. That was part of New England training. Mother named our home ** Evening Side," be- cause it faced the west, and had a fine view as far as the Connecticut River and to the Meriden Hills beyond. In summer, the front veranda was our family meeting place, especially evenings, after tea, where we watched the sunsets. Showers came up from the northwest, in full view, big, black thunder-clouds which were the delight of our hearts. For we could see the whole grand pano- rama, retreating into the house and shutting the windows before the fury of the storm burst. Mother would not let us be afraid of thtmder showers. She said the Lord would protect us, and she and I would often stay outside, looking, 30 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS thrilled, until father called us in. She watched and loved clouds more than any one I ever knew. And the fogs which outlined the Connecticut River, especially in the early mornings, long lines of white mist stretching across the entire west, had a fascination for her. She could predict by the ap- pearance of this fog quite accurately, for the day, before the publication of government forecasts, what the weather would be. Father would ask her, "What will the weather be, to-day, mother?" and hurry in his hay or let it stay out another night, according to her prophecy. Some of mother's signs are still well-known, as * ' Rainbow in the morning Is the sailor's warning. Rainbow at night Is the sailor's delight." "Evening red and morning gray Will set the traveler on his way. But evening gray and morning red Will bring down rain upon his head. " ** Mackerel's scales and mare's tails Make lofty ships to carry low sails. " tt ti As the day lengthens The cold strengthens. " Strong March winds bring April showers : April showers bring sweet May flowers. " MY MOTHER 31 There were others but I have forgotten them. I still see mother who lived as seeing things invisible, looking into the glorious west, softly repeating to herself, "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament showeth His handi- work." Early in my life I learned the secret oj my mother's well-poised character. She was accustomed to rise at five, in winter as well as in summer, in order to spend one hour in her private devotions. She read her Bible, sat silent a long time, then dropped on her knees and prayed in a low voice, often for half an hour. When she arose, her face was shining, and her cheerfulness was established for the day. Then humming softly one of her favorite hymns, as * * I would not live alway, " or '* Jesus, lover of my soul," or "Sun of my soul, my Saviour dear," she would go about getting breakfast. For no one could quite please mother in the matter of cooking, and her hand was in everjrthing that, promptly, at half- past seven, appeared upon the breakfast table. And in those days, the first meal of the day was a substantial affair, with meat and pota- toes, freshly baked bread or biscuit, and coffee. Later, a cereal came into vogue, and an apple or other fruit. As I frequently arose at five and either walked about the place or went for a 32 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS horseback ride the meal was none too much for me. On accotmt of mother's cheery disposition, a matter of temperament as well as religion and common sense, she was often sent for by her neighbors in cases of sickness or bereavement. There were no trained nurses in those days, and friends helped one another in the duty of sitting up nights with the sick. And it seems to me mother was always preparing some delicacy for the invalids to eat. She could make the daintiest of dishes, and I was often allowed to be the happy messenger of these kindnesses. Very careftilly, I would take the plate or saucer, covered with a plate or napkin, and feel all the joy of its being blessed to give. Once when I was going on such an errand, I took a short-cut across otir orchard, and climbed our picket fence, instead of going arotmd by the road. As I was about to jump on the farther side, a snake put up its head and hissed. It was on the very spot where I would have alighted. I had already acquired momentum for the jump and could not draw back, but I exerted all my strength and flung myself as far as possible into the road. In the fall I broke my dish and spilled its contents. Sorrowfully I picked myself up and went to mother. She said that I had done just right, and MY MOTHER 33 that her little daughter's safety was of far more importance than a broken dish. Father was told, and he htmted for and fotmd the snake, a short, fat-headed adder. He killed it, and in his way, taught us a lesson in natural history as well as ethics. We all looked at the dead thing and learned that poisonous snakes had wide, flat cheeks which formed pouches for the secretion of venom, and that such a creature was a menace to society and should invariably be killed. Sin was like an adder in that it was deadly if it struck, but that it hissed before biting. If our consciences were alive we would hear the warning and jump away from the poisonous thing as far as we could. IX THE PURITAN SUNDAY Mother believed in the Bible message from the first chapter of Genesis to the last of Revelation. No doubts about authenticity or meaning troubled her. Besides her daily reading of the Book, she had time for but few books or papers. And we took no magazines except the Home and Foreign Missionary organs. Our library was limited. The Journal of Commerce came daily and was eagerly read by father. The New York Observer appeared every Thtirsday. It was divided into two parts, secular and religious. The first was put out of sight on Sunday, but the religious half lay upon the table. If I ever tried to glance at the forbidden section, I was sternly reminded that this was the Lord's Day in which I must not even think my own thoughts. There were six days allotted me for secular pursuits, and the Lord asked for only one. Was not that little enough? 34 THE PURITAN SUNDAY 35 ** I must not work, I must not play Upon God's holy Sabbath Day. And if my parents speak the word, I must obey them in the Lord. " This verse was early taught us and often repeated. Our Sabbath (we did not call it Sunday, for that was a heathenish word suggestive of worship of the sun) began on Saturday night. Mother had been accustomed to **keep'* Saturday night, the sacred hours of Sunday ending with Sunday night. When my grandmother died, leaving mother, her eldest child of nine years, with three younger, mother was sent to live with her grand- mother in Coventry, Connecticut. Afterwards this old lady, my great grandmother, finished her long life, dying at eighty-se\ien years of age, in otir home. This was in 1849. I remember her slightly, regarding her with awe, she seemed so old. She paid little attention to me, except to want me to be quiet when in the room with her. She used to sit in one comer of our fireplace dressed in black bombazine, a f tdl skirt gathered to a plain, ungored waist. A white handkerchief was folded around her neck, and she wore a big cap with wide rufHes. With steel-bowed spectacles, she would sit all day in an old arm-chair covered with shiny, slippery leather. She was very large and took no step 36 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS without her cane. This was my grandfather's mother, a strong and active woman in her younger days, but remembered by me only as ages old. When mother lived with her grandmother, the custom, at that time quite universal with good people, was to begin the holy day with simdown Saturday night, and end with sundown on Sun- day. No beds were made and nothing was cooked during the day. Mother told me she used to sit on the terrace of her grandmother's garden and watch for the last rays of the setting sun. When they disappeared, she rushed to her grandmother and annoimced the fact. Then began hurry and bustle. Beds were made, dishes that had accu- mulated for three meals were washed, clothes were put to soak for Monday's washing, and the secular week was in full swing. The custom was on the wane, but mother said it was safe to keep both nights, and she so ordered her household that everything was ready for Stmday by Saturday night. Play and work ceased, and Stmday-school lessons were learned during the evening. I think the poem Cotter's Saturday Night had some influ- ence on mother in this matter. She and I often read parts of it together. Family devotions were longer than on other evenings, and bedtime came earlier than usual. THE PURITAN SUNDAY 37 Our Stinday breakfast was of fried mush, "hasty pudding, " as we called it, but it was by no means a quick dish to prepare, as the com meal was boiled two or three hours on Saturday morning. It was fried slowly, and when crisp was eaten with molasses or a syrup made of brown sugar, maple syrup being then unknown or very expen- sive. Generally cheese was served with the hasty pudding. Church service began at half- past ten. Simday-school followed, and about twenty minutes after one we went home to dinner, very hungry. Dinner was of cold meat, cooked the day before, with a splendid dish of baked beans and salt pork, just as they were cooked in Boston. As I remember those beans, the art of cooking them seems to have disappeared. They were baked, slowly, all night, after serving for supper Saturday night. A steamed loaf of Boston brown bread always accompanied the beans, also a dish of '*cold slaw," chopped cab- bage with a creamy, hot sauce. We always had pies for dessert, five or six of which mother made every Saturday morning. The second preaching service was at half-past two. If the day was stormy, always the more delightful, we took our limcheon and ate it in the interim between Simday- school and church service, in the church porch. 38 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Or we went to the near-by home of mother's dearest friend, ''Cousin Abby, " where we ate no end of her wonderful doughnuts. If so stormy that old Billy had to be hitched up, so that we all crowded into the wagon or sleigh and rode to church, all the merrier. Billy went to the shed behind the church and munched oats contentedly. No one thought of staying at home on account of the weather. After the second service, it was rather dtill for us children, because father took a nap, and we had to keep quiet. We might walk aroimd the house in solemn procession but on no accoimt run. At six in the evening, in summer at seven, we had a prayer-meeting from which mother often remained at home, father never. I generally went from preference. It not only made my bed- time come a little later than usual, but it might give me a mark of credit in the Recording Angel's book. I enjoyed the singing, and when old enough I played the tunes for the hymns on the piano. During my early days, father played. Sometimes the regular prayer-meeting was varied by a Juvenile Missionary Society meeting, or by a gathering of the Cold Water Army. The latter was a temperance movement among the children, all of whom were required to sign a pledge to abstain for life from alcoholic drinks. THE PURITAN SUNDAY 39 In proof of this we received a medal strung on a ribbon which we proudly wore around our necks. At least twice a year, always on the Fourth of July, the army had a parade and marched to near-by woods where a jricnic was served by our mothers. We owned banners, and great was the pride and delight of the banner carriers. I remember a happy hotu* of my life when I carried a blue silk banner on which was a picture of a bubbling fountain. Two smaller children marched, one on each side of me, steady- ing the banner by cords. One banner was of red silk on which was a glass of wine. In the bottom of the glass a small, yellow snake was curled. X MISSIONARIES My father figured prominently in the Juvenile Missionary Society, being, I think the founder of that institution. All his life he was interested in Foreign Missions. He believed in Home Missions too, but used to say that everyone was in favor of Home Missions, while Foreign, just as impor- tant, had fewer supporters. He was a corporate member of the American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions, the A. B. C. F. M. of the Con- gregational denomination. He gave really more than his means justified. He once asked me if I did not think our small church had contributed a fine sum to the Board. The amount given was $545 of which I happened to know that my father had drawn his check for $500. Real, live mission- aries often spoke to us children, and generally they were entertained at our house. They were treated with the utmost respect, the best of everjrthing in the house being theirs. One, 40 MISSIONARIES 41 representing the Seamen's Friends' Society, often came, and when seated at the table, would look with eager appreciation at the boimties spread out, rub his hands together, and say, ** Everything looks real nice and I presume it tastes so. ' ' This man made long prayers at our family devotions, and therefore was not in high favor among the children. Father's prayers were reasonably short. The missionary would kneel without the support of a chair (like Samuel in the pictures), fold his hands and lift them upward (also like Samuel), turn his face towards Heaven, and speak with a loud voice, as if, I used to think, the Lord were a little deaf. Father and mother treated him with the respect with which they received all who came to us, the choicest sheets being placed upon the best bed. But when, in later life, he asked for the hand of my youngest sister in marriage (he must have been past fifty, she still in her teens), I fancied the hospitality of my parents was somewhat less cordial. Our guest-chamber bed was always made up, and the room was in order. Mother's table was invariably good and sufficient. Mother was never caught imprepared. Father might bring two or three gentlemen to dinner, men with whom he had business in the bank or store, and mother had only 42 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS to place the requisite number of extra plates on the table. She used to say: **I cook for your father, and whatever is good enough for him is good enough for anybody." My parents were strictly ruled by their con- sciences even in small matters. A sajdng of my father's was : ' * Don't mistake your wishes for your conscience. They are often very opposite things. Your business is to follow conscience, regardless of what you would like to do. " In my young mind this conscience was a mystery. I was told that it was God's voice in my soul, but I could never seem to hear it. I often wondered if conscience had been left out of my character. XI IN CHURCH In church I generally pushed by my mother in order to sit at the **head of the pew. " Adjoin- ing ours a maiden lady sat, old to me, but not much over forty. She brought sprigs of dill and fennel seeds, one or two of which she invari- ably passed over to me. The nibbling of these spicy seeds would while away the dreary hour of the sermon, before I was old enough to take an interest in the discourse. If she had not the fennel that delightful old lady would tmroll a comer of her big, red handkerchief, and disclose two or three red peppermints which she fed to me, one at a time, with long intervals between. She took snuff, tapping a shell box which I thought exceed- ingly pretty. Once I reached my hand over the separating partition and she allowed me to gratify my unspoken wish. I took a pretty fair pinch which made me sneeze terribly, upsetting mother's and Miss Ely's gravity for several minutes. For 43 44 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS a few Stindays after that, I was denied my favorite seat. The choir was located in a gallery at the back of the church. When they sang, the congregation arose, turned around, faced the choir, and leaned comfortably against the backs of the front pews. After a time, it was suggested that it was treating the minister with disrespect to turn otir backs upon him, and it was determined to stand facing front. Well I remember what a stir this innovation against a long-established custom made, and how, for many Sundays, the congregation was divided, some turning to face the choir, others facing the minister. And after the custom to face forward became well established, one man, noted for his independence of thought and action, continued to turn towards the choir and sing a heavy bass, while everyone looked on with mingled amusement and disap- proval. This man once upset the gravity of the whole congregation by walking into church with beard, whiskers, and hair dyed a jet black. They had been white from time immemorial. People used to say, * * As set as old S ' ' He was a thorn in the side of the church, always forming an opposi- tion minority. Father, who seldom spoke an unkind word about anybody, would say: **It's a great thing to have somebody to pull out all by IN CHURCH 45 himself, making the rest pause. It is like the twelfth juror who disagrees and makes it impossi- ble to act without discretion." The following incident will show that at least one other member of our church had a mind of his own and was not afraid to express it. The minister was preaching a sermon on infant bap- tism in which he took the Calvinistic view that unbaptised infants, dying, would be lost eternally, even if sinless, since, having inherited corrupt natures, they would have sinned had they lived. After sitting uneasily for a time, our friend stepped from his pew, stood a minute fixedly regarding the preacher, then stamped heavily down the aisle towards the door. There he paused, turned, faced the pulpit, and shook his fist at the min- ister, after which he went out and slammed the door behind him. Most, if not all, of the congre- gation looked upon this protest with amusement, but with approval, for such a doctrine is repulsive to all the kindly instincts of humanity, and it is for kindness and fairness that New England has always stood. It is amazingly true that within twenty or twenty-five years I have heard the same theology preached with all seriousness from a Presbyterian pulpit. For many years my father played the organ in 46 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS our church, he being a natural, but not an edu- cated musician. He received no salary (he did not count his services worth much), but gave to the church freely in this as in everything else. I often went with him on Saturday afternoons, perhaps blowing the bellows, if the boy could not be found, while he practiced the "voluntary" for Stinday morning. This he generally improvised, but selected his themes in advance. He taught me how to manipulate the stops and work the pedals, while I played some simple music. In fact when I was older I could take his place when he was obliged to be absent, and received praise for rather poor services. A boy named Joe blew the bellows on Sunday, and received from father a small sum therefor. Sometimes he would fall asleep during the sermon, and when the last hymn was due, a squeak and a groan would introduce the first bars. The people below would nudge each other and whisper, "I guess Joe hasn't finished his nap yet. " It was a proud day when water as "power" was placed in the church cellar to drive the organ bellows. But about that time father feared that his playing was not quite modern enough to match the bellows, and he resigned his place to a young lady who was "educated to the organ, " and who played the keys correctly but had none of the soul. IN CHURCH 47 the fire that my father put into such a piece, for example, as "The Dead March in Saul." He knew by heart the great oratorios. The Messiah^ The Creation, and Elijah. He often went to Boston to sing in the Handel and Haydn Society, with his uncle Paul Stickney and his cousin John Stickney who were members. And at such times he sang with all his soul, his eyes shining, his whole body tense with excitement and pleasure. He had a remarkably sweet and smooth voice and usually sang bass. But he could carry an excellent tenor. And so all of us had to sing or play. When I was eight years old, father lifted me to the piano stool, taught me the scales and how to finger them. I early became the accompanist of the family choir, able to read rather difficult music at sight. My uncle William Stickney, from Washington, D. C, was once visiting us, and we were having one of our evening concerts. The contralto was wanting. My uncle ordered me to take the part. I objected that I could not play the accompani- ment and sing too. ** Nonsense," said my uncle, "a Stickney unable to do anjrthing in music! However, get up and let me do the playing, while you sing," and of course I obeyed. In the "Stickney book," it is written, "The males (Stickneys) have blue eyes, curly hair, and 48 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS are extremely musical." My father and his brothers bore this out in every particular. MUSICAL EVENINGS AND CONCERTS Those musical evenings, how full of delight they were ! Often we would invite a few musical neighbors in for a "sing,'' Mr. Cogswell, Mr. and Mrs. Stebbins, and Mrs. Fiske. And per- haps I was called upon for a piano solo, or father and I played some of our duets, he always giving me the "upper part." The ones I especially recollect were The Poet and Peasant, and The Caliph of Bagdad; also The Overture to William Tell, If to-day I ever chance to hear the strains of those old pieces from a hand-organ or dinner- band, my heart boimds, and I see in a dim picture of the past, myself, a little girl with father at my left hand, sitting at the piano, he rather disposed to crowd (for which I pushed him hard), both of us pounding the keys with all our might. Towards the end we accelerated the pace, until we fin- ished quite breathless, and received well-deserved applause. I have foimd and reproduce here some old and quaint hymns printed for the Tolland County Temperance Society, of date, Christmas, 1835. I ORDER OF EXERCISES, AT TSS qUARTERLT VBETINO OF THB TOLXAHO OOUNTT TBIt. rSRANCB fOCIETT, SOUTH COVENTRY, Dec. 25, 1835. Thdrfi is" a tra-npet soaid, O ir fdth€a;s' spirits slept Hexri Fir o'er hills aroiiai, While oti his march he kept ; la (hriilia^ tone, * But we must rise, Andniiis widj^ locks are orrey, Tiis iabrad foe mast qaelU M lahodd and youth this diy Mast chaage)iis yictim*8 knelU Oather in bUjt array, Far the ^U J soaads that tell On# cttase to owa. Oar victories. A fierce «nd deadly foe, It is a bloodless strife, The harbinger of v^o, IVsave, not sqaander life, is in quf land ;, A holy eaase : Where e'er iiis track hath pass*d, They, who this foe arrest, Laying our doar homes waste, This blot wfpe from her breast. More cold than wiater's bla^, MakjS oat dear coantry blest; . His ruthless. harrd. Gaia heaven's applause. HYMW Before thee vvo assemble now, And at thy feat, jreat Q jd we bo w ; We oraisiS the^ hr thy fxvor aho wn. For thou hist cnido (hisisaiisd thins o.yn.. Portentous«cload«-himglowering-o*er • Our own fair land froin^shore to shore; It seemed that h(tpe itself' would fly; And desolation meet tine eye. But look again-: m^thinks I see Those darkenM clouds begin to flee : I see a bright orh rising slow,. Ar^d s3nding'o*cr thoselitlls, its gbw. Onward it moves, and in its couirse Dries orphans' tears and misery's source ; It stiKs to rest the mother's sighs. And wipjs the tear drops fr6;n her eyes. And what is this fair orb of light. That shines above our moral night,. Dispelling darkness with a glance ? It is the light of Temperance. ADDRESS. Give thanks to God Most Higti, Shall still endure ; 'fhe universal Lord ; And ever sure The sovereign Kin^ of Kings ; Abides thy word. And be his grace ador'd. He sent his only Son, His power and grace To save us from our wo , Are still the same, From Satan, sin and death,. And let his name And every hurtful foe. Have endless praise. Closis as first' virs^. He saw the nations lie, Give thanks aloud to God,. All perishing in sin ; To 'lod tha h.«ak\i«o&.^ ^>^^\ Ana pitied the sad state, An& UViVi^ «^c,\o4« ««^ Thd rain*d world was in. His ^oxVa an^iL ^oiT^xtv^ Thy mercy. Lord. Closet ax woivi -^«»i^ WILL. GIVE THEIR FIRST At the 2nd Congregational Churcb, on Tuesday Evening, Sept 27, I*y ogy ctTTfi ixxe i pTrtT I* IntrodVClOI7» Bj Fall Orchestni. 9m Clionilly * Hail, Great Creator/ fnHQ * nnmooj ofihe Spheres.* ROMBBRO. 8» <|nartetCef from « )taMinielIo.* AuBBB. MISS BLIZV FULLER, Soprano, A. C CROSBY. Tenor, MRS. M M. FRISSELLE:, Alto. H CHAP\1AN, Baaa 4. ItaetCt * Hear me, Norina.* RoMiVt- MRS. L. A. FTSK. First Soprano* MISS J VVELI^, Second ^ ff« Cllom% * From Heaven the loud angelic song began'' O. €hailt» * Hear my Prayer ' MRS A. M.-STBBBINS, First Soprano. H STEBBIN9, Tenor. MISS C.HI HEARD, Second '* W THOMPSON, Bass. AlISS M. DAVIS, Alto. G. TALGOTT, Baritone. V. BeelUltive dk Air, * with verdure < lad,' from the * Creation.' MR8.L A FISK. Haoxit. 8* Trio» Sky Laflk. Mrs. a M. STEHBINS, First soprano% Miss C HIHBARD, Second J. N S TICKNEV, Bas!!. IK Ctaoni% * Now elevate the sign of Jadaiu' Hadth pArt II. 1» Piano Forte Overture^ Mr. BARliETr, i» CliOms, from Mozart's Twelfth Mass. 8* <|liartelte, * O %vatih you well hy daylight/ Mrs S. URWING, Soprano. J. SELDEN, Tenor, Miss L. DEWt:Y, Alto, J. W. THAYER, Bass. 4i. I^uelty • Hear mv pniycr.* Mrs. A. M. STEBBINS,^ Soprano, J. N. STICKNEY, Bass. 5. Solo dk Clioriis, < Strike tlio Cymball/ Fucitta. ^ Bnetff Mas. L. A FlSIi; Soprano» J. N. STICKNEY, Bass. 7. Songr, Move the merry sunshine. Mrs* A. M» STEDBIN3. 8. ClloraSy From the Oratorio of tlic Crcatiuif. DOORS OPEN AT 6 1-Q ; CONCERT TO COMMENCE AT 7 1-9. ADMITTANCE IQ 1-S CENTS. CHII.DSBN HALF PBICE^ THE LITTLE FOLK'S CONCERT 6I7B1I BT THE At Ike X%1 Congresalienal CiMirch, Wednesday Erenlng, Ocleber 35tlk, 1854. PROGRAMME. PART 1. 1. INSTRUMENTAL. «, COME WHERE JOY AND GLADNESS. 3. FOUR SEASONS. 4. VACATION SONG. 5. THE WANDERER. Dialogue. 6. THE TEA TAX. 7. THE SOLDIER. Song and Chorus. Mastere Grant and Ford 8. COME SEEK THE BOWER. 9. THANKSGIVING SONG. PART 11. 1. INSTRUMENTAL. «. "COME, BROTHERS, COME.'' 8. THE HOUR OP PRAYER. Dufilt- Soprano, Miss M Town> Aito^ Miss J. Thomas. 4. PILGRIMS AT PLYMOUTH. 5. THE MERRY HEART. 6. THE ORPHAN FLOWER GIRL Song Carol A Stickn«y 7. SLEIGH RIDE. 8. -GO WHERE THE MISTS ARE SLEEPING Duett. (By i. quest.) 9. NEW ORLEANS. WKi.I.8 AND WEBB J t>]llMTSRII. MUSICAL EVENINGS 49 doubt whether they can be found in the hymn- books to-day. Two concert programs of a later date, 1853 and 1854, show the kind of music that we sang. The selections are strong, some of them classical, and I know they were well rendered. Among the Rosebud Vocalists I was a proud soloist. Robed in a white dress, with a basket of red paper roses on my arm, I stepped bravely out on the platform, and sang, **Come, buy my roses red, come buy," while I waved my basket. I think I was old enough to be rather frightened, but received complacently the congratulations of my parents and friends after the performance was over. Mrs. Stebbins held, for many years, a singing- school which I faithfully attended. My father had heard Jenny Lind in New York, and raved over the quality of her voice. I was sure she could not excel our dear Mrs. Stebbins whose singing made me weep or dance, it was so full of pathos or merriment. I simply adored her, and she was wonderfully kind and helpful to us all. The children's concerts were the outcome of these singing classes. One spring we gave Flora's Festival, and if I remember rightly, the cantata was a great success. 4 50 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS My father's favorite was a grand old hymn written by Isaac Watts in 1719. 'O God, otir help in ages past, Otir hope for years to come, Otir shelter from the stormy blast And otir eternal home. Under the shadow of Thy throne Thy saints have dwelt secure. Sufficient is Thine arm alone And our defense is sure. Before the hills in order stood, Or earth received her frame, Prom everlasting Thou art God, To endless years the same. A thousand ages in Thy sight Are like an evening gone; Short as the watch that ends the night Before the rising sun. The busy tribes of flesh and blood With all their lives and cares Are carried downwards by Thy flood And lost in following years. Time, like an ever-rolling stream. Bears all its sons away; They fly forgotten as a dream Dies at the opening day. O God, our help in ages past. Our hope for years to come; Be Thou otir guard while troubles last And otir eternal Home. ' It was sung to the tune St. Ann. Mrs. Aurelia M. Stebbins XII THE UNPARDONABLE SIN I WAS, perhaps, seven years old, when I com- mitted the unpardonable sin. One of my favor- ite games was "meeting." I was always the preacher, Mattie the congregation. There was a small and refractory brother by this time but he would not enter into the spirit of the game, so we chose the time when he took his daily nap. We sang hjrmns, I read the Bible and prayed. On a Sunday afternoon, it occurred to me to enact the scene of infant baptism which I had that morning witnessed in church. Mattie, being instructed, brought a doll to the front of the pulpit (a chair turned on its side), also a cup of water. I dipped my fingers into the cup, whispered to Mattie as I had seen the minister do, then sprinkled dolly as I pronounced its name, and said: "I baptize thee into the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen." No sooner had the words escaped from me than a terror seized me and I exclaimed: 51 52 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS "Mattie, we have committed the unpardonable sin against the Holy Ghost. " I fled, crying to my mother who thought I must have seen a spider, that being to me the most fearful of creatures (and I think so to this day), a sight of whose swiftly moving evil body filled me with insane fright. It was long before mother could gather, between my sobs, the explanation that I had blasphemed the Holy Ghost, that I was lost forever, and would have to go to Hell when I died. Mother was very wise and sweet. She caught me to her breast and comforted me as only a loving mother can. She did not make light of my offense, but told me that as I had spoken the words thoughtlessly, I would be forgiven. But I must be careful of even little things in my play. She said I ought to be God's little girl the same as I was hers, and love Him so much that I could not bear to grieve Him. She said I must tell Him everything just as if He did not know it already, because He liked His children to talk to Him and tell Him of their faults. **What, tell Him of this?" I asked. ''Certainly, " she answered, "the telling will obtain His forgive- ness." So I went away and told God, and felt happy. If ever I had a "conversion," it was at this time. After that I tried to feel that this dreadful Being was more like mother than THE UNPARDONABLE SIN 53 I had supposed, and that, perhaps. He cared for me. With regard to this childish act and my sorrow over it, it is well to notice two things ; one that I included Mattie in the sinful deed which was to shut me out of Heaven. If I must go to the awful place, I wanted company. So I said : * * Mattie, we have committed the unpardonable sin. ' ' The other is that the Father and the Son did not count. I was not in the least troubled about any possible disrespect shown towards the first two persons of the Trinity. All our religion, in those days, was tinged with the possibility of sin against the Holy Ghost which was unpardonable. He was a dark and strange Being, and for some reason had to be treated with more carefulness than the other two. In my mind God the Father sat afar off, on a great, white throne (an immense piece of rounded, white marble) , the Son standing by with his gaze fixed upon us poor mortals who somehow could not help sinning, but who could be forgiven for the asking. The Recording Angel stood in the group, writing always his dreadful account. There was a separate book for every person and some were very large, when persons were especially wicked. Others, like my own, were smaller. I wondered if my mother's book was not blank. She 54 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS seemed to me to be pretty nearly perfect. At a little distance down, nearer the earth, a dark, dove- shaped cloud hung, the representation of the Holy Ghost. He seemed to me devoid of kindness and affection. He was watching out for blasphemies against His person, and when these were uttered, the Recording Angel wrote them down with very black marks. I think, if in references to the third person of the Trinity, the word Spirit had been used instead of Ghost, I should not have conjured up such terrible images. A ghost is ghostly. XIII JULIA AND HER STORIES Julia Congden, my mother's "hired girl," or "help, " as she was called, stands out as an impor- tant figure in my early childhood. She was kind- ness itself, but a great disciplinarian. When she was very busy we had to keep out of the kitchen. On ironing days she would often let me come and sit on a comer of the table where she was smooth- ing the old wrinkled things, occasionally granting me the coveted privilege of doing the handkerchiefs and towels. She would make for me cookies into bears with cloves for eyes ; or she fashioned dough- nuts into boys. Julia often sang to me with a rich, low, sweet voice, quaint, minor Irish tunes, and she had no end of wonderful stories. It was through her that I became acquainted with Blue- beard, The Seven League Boots, Jack and the Bean-Stalk, Cinderella, Red-Riding Hood, and many others. Fairy godmothers and ugly witches figured largely in these tales which she patiently repeated 55 56 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS to us time and time again. There were no chil- dren's books of that fascinating sort in otir small library. Besides the Pilgrim's Progress which Edmimd Mitchell had given me, I read, several times through, before I was twelve years old, Pollock's Course of Time and Milton's Paradise Lost. The former I especially enjoyed and I also enjoyed the look of surprise on the faces of my elders to whom I announced this fact. Paradise Lost fitted in with my ideas of things, angels and devils in council scheming against mortals, with the final triumph of the good angels and the divinity, but I skipped many of the speeches of the fiendish ones and got into the story as fast as possible. That delightful book, Malleville, to which I have already referred, introduced me to Beechnut, Phonny, Caroline, Mary Bell, and other children sketched in that book, who became to me real and lifelike. I played with them and talked to them. I had also Robert Dawson, the Brave Spirit, whose bravery con- illted chiefly in going with his cow to pasture in the rain, with a big tmibrella (in the picture), say- ing to himself, **Only one drop at a time." For |Hictry, I read Pretty Little Poems for Pretty l^iHh People, very pious and instructive. Their ^^^Utlfic as well as rehgious teachings were unique. JULIA AND HER STORIES 57 WILLIAM AND JOHN^ There once were two brothers, named William and John, Who were forced to work hard every day; So one of them thought that it could not be wrong. On the Sabbath to ramble and play. Said John to his brother, one fine Sabbath morn, Come, a ramble will do you some good; 'Tis a parcel of nonsense going always to church. Or else to see Grandmother Wood. But William refused, and John was soon joined By some boys who all laughed at his brother; But William, as usual, went clean, first to church. And then to dine with his Grandmother. He told her the sermon, and sung her some hymns. And then in the Bible he read; And soon after tea was prepared to go home. When his brother was brought home quite dead. He'd climbed to the uttermost branch of a tree. When it broke, and he fell on his head. And frightened were all his companions when they Discovered, indeed, he was dead. Then William resolved more than ever to pray To be kept from the idle and rude; He grew up a man, became wealthy and wise, And loved by the pious and good. * Quotations from Pretty Little Poems for Pretty Little People. Printed in MDCCCL and composed by Louisa Watts. 58 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS THE GOOD GIRL Come, come, my little Charlotte dear, And see what I have for you here, Because your work was neatly done, And lessons perfect every one; Ah, ah, I see that you can guess, So give me now a pretty kiss For this fine doll with curly hair. This cradle too and nice arm chair. O, how much better to be good. Than idle, passionate, or rude; I'll try, said Charlotte, to improve. And show how much Mamma I love. SNOW Mamma, I should like to know, Said Ann, the cause and use of snow. To me it is a wonder quite How it becomes so very white. With pleasure, her Mamma replied. Your wishes shall be gratified; I heed no pains I thus bestow, If you in useful knowledge grow. I think you heard, last night the rain. Loud beating 'gainst the window pane; But now the air is much too keen To let mere water fall as then. JULIA AND HER STORIES 59 Snow first is vapours light and thin Which freeze ere they to fall begin; The air expands and makes it light, And light refracted, makes it white. But snow is of much service found, And pleased the farmers view the ground, When thickly covered, it destroys The vermin that concealed there lies. It warms and fructifies the soil. And makes the earth with plenty smile; We thankful, therefore, ought to be, When thus it covers field and tree. THE GOOD FIRE O, what a comfortable fire You have, mv dear Mamma! I'm sure we it this day require; What useful things coals are. If they should be forbidden us O, dear, what should we do? As when they first came into use, Five hundred years ago. England abounds in coal, I know. And much abroad is sent; It labour finds for thousands too. And makes much money spent. 6o A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS But how much better, dear Mamma, To sit beside this fire, Than working down in mines so far, I'm sure I should soon tire. Be thankful then, my child, that you Have comforts without care, That you have not such work to do As falls to miner's share. The Ice King and the Sweet South Wind, an abridged edition of Robinson Crusoe, and The Swiss Family Robinson completed my library. There was a dark closet upstairs on whose shelves I often rummaged, searching for book treasures. When I found The Scottish Chiefs, 1 felt repaid, and after that I was interested in the early history of Scot- land as contained in Chambers's Encyclopedia. Jtdia's stories, however, fed my imagination as no books did. I am inclined to reproduce two or three of these, as I think they are no longer in vogue, and they may interest the young folks of to-day who are fed on the more realistic Youth's Companion and St. Nicholas, One that I liked especially was called The Brown Bull of Orange. It ran in this way : There was once a stile on which if any one sat, she might wish and the wish would come true. (I had no idea what a stile was, but db you think I ever asked?) JULIA AND HER STORIES 6i Three sisters went out walking one day, when they came to this stile. They concluded to try their luck. The eldest was very beautiful with golden curls and a fair skin. She jumped upon the stile, and sitting there said, ** I wish that the Prince of Spain may come and carry me off and marry me in eight days' time. " The second sister was less beautiful, but sweet and pleasant looking. She mounted the stile and said, *' I wish that the Duke of Algiers may come along and marry me and take me to his palace in sixteen days* time." The youngest sister was dark, with black eyes and hair, and was not accounted a beauty. She was, however, sensible. At first she refused to wish on the stile, but after her sisters' urging, she jumped up and said: '* There is nothing but foolishness in it, but to show you that your heads are turned about princes and dukes and that sort of thing, I wish that the brown bull of Orange may come and carry me off in twenty-four days' time." **0h how dreadful," said the elder sisters, "but you'll see." When they arrived home they told their father what they had done. '* Who is the brown bull of Orange? " he asked the younger sister, **and what did you mean?" '*I don't know and I don't care, " she answered. '* I just did it to show my sisters how foolish they were. " Now at the end of eight days, with a large retinue of soldiers, making a brave showing, the Prince of Spain stopped at the home of these three sisters, and calHng for the father, begged the hand of his eldest daughter in marriage. Of course it was granted to so magnificent a suitor, and the daughter, robing herself in her one silk dress, took her white parasol and departed. The wedding was celebrated that same evening at the Prince's castle, with great splendor. 62 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS But he did not prove to be a kind husband, and his wife was often unhappy. The second daughter immediately went to work and made herself a beautiful dress of white silk, trimmed with red velvet. In sixteen days one hundred men on horseback, sitting on velvet and gold saddles, came prancing up to the door, and the Duke of Algiers called the father and made overttxres for his second daugh- ter's hand in marriage. The delighted father willingly gave her to the Duke who was exceedingly handsome although nearly as black as a negro. He rode upon a steed the like of which for swiftness and beauty had never been seen in those parts. The duke caught up the lovely maiden, placed her upon the saddle in front of himself, and rode away with all his retinue. [That word troubled me, but I concluded it meant a hundred men, and when in the New Testament we came to the study of the centiuion who was in command of a hundred men, I exclaimed: *'He was a retinue."] The father heard from her occasionally, but she was reticent about herself and they could only hope she was happy. Of one thing they were sure, that she must be surroimded with magnificence, for the Duke of Algiers in those days was a great personage. **Now what will you do?" said the father to his youngest daughter. ** Nothing at all, but stay home and look after you, " iho answered. She went about her work and thought no more about hw silly wish, until at the end of twenty-four days a •plondid brown bull appeared at the door of her father's house. The girl approached him with fear and trembling. ** Go away, " she said, ** it was only a joke, find I cannot leave my father alone. You see my JULIA AND HER STORIES 63 sisters have got married and gone away, and he is alone but for me." '*I am the Brown Bull of Orange/' he said, *'and I have come for you. *' He waited quietly, looking at her with a mild and gentle eye. Her father also came out and begged him to go away and leave him his only remaining daughter without whom he would be deso- late. But the bull only shook his head and stood patiently waiting. At last both saw that she must go, and embracing her father with a flood of tears, she climbed to the back of the bull, and he carried her safely to a beautiful house on a hill, some miles away. Trees and flowers were all around it, and in front there was a lake with goldfish swimming in it. Inside it was more like a palace than an ordinary house. Com- fortable chairs and sofas were in every room. Bidding her to be seated in one of the finest chairs, covered with blue silk damask, the Brown Bull of Orange brought her sweet milk in a golden bowl to drink, and a dish of large, luscious strawberries. He was so kind that she soon lost all fear of him, and after a few days, began to be happy. After six months had passed in this way the Brown Bull of Orange came to her one day, and said: **Now you have been here long enough to know your own mind. Will you go back to your father, or will you stay with me?" *'I will stay with you," she said, "only I wish my father could be here too. " '*But you do not really care for me? " he questioned. ** I do indeed. How can I help caring for you when you are so good and kind to me?" she said. **Do you love me, or do you only pity me because I am a bull?" he asked. ** I do really love you, " she replied. 64 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Then with a cry of delight, a splendid man stood before her, clad in kingly raiment. ** Since you love me," he said, '*the charm is broken." ** What mean you? " she asked trembling and afraid. '* I have been under a wicked spell, " was the answer. "I am King of Orange and Castile. I offended a mighty magician. He turned me into a bull and ordered me to remain so until I foimd some nice girl to love me. This I despaired of doing until I heard your wish upon the stile. I then determined to try my fortune with you, against all hope that you would really come to love me. Had you answered differently, I would not have detained you longer against your wishes, but would have taken you at once to your father. Now let us go to him and tell him the glorious news. You are, truly, my good genius. Your father shall live with us, and you shall be queen over my restored kingdom. " And so it turned out. The father had greatly mourned the loss of his dear daughter, never expecting to see her again. When she came to him, riding in an elegant coach, dressed in rich, purple silk, pearls hanging around her neck, and a wonderful ring on her hand, he thought he should have fainted. He went with his daughter and her husband, and had a suite of six rooms in the king's palace for his own use, with no end of servants to do his bidding. And the two sisters were green with envy when they heard the story, because they were only a princess and a duchess, while she was a queen. There were difficulties in this story, geographical and other, but they did not trouble Jtdia's little JULIA AND HER STORIES 65 audience. I pass along the tale very nearly as Jtilia used to tell it. I wish I could reproduce her expression of face and voice which made all her stories so real and delightful to me. XIV WHAT KATY DID When the katydids came in the fall, this was the explanation of what Katy did: Katy was the only child of her parents, and all three lived on a pleasant farm. Their nearest neigh- bors were half a mile away, so that Katy had no playmate. But she was not lonely, because she had Rosebud to play with. Rosebud was the pretty cow that gave nice milk for Katy's supper, and the little girl used to sit on the grass, near her mother, as that lady milked the cow. Katy often went into the pasttxre with Rosebud, and watched her while she chewed her cud, meanwhile gathering wild flowers and making them into a wreath or bouquet for herself. When it was time, Katy and Rosebud would come home together. One day Katy read a story about a little girl who had a fairy prince. (Her mother read it to her, because Katy could only read in words of two syllables.) By repeating some verses which were a charm, the little girl in the story could call her prince to her, and once he put a ring on her finger and made her his wife. He then took his bride away from her home, 66 WHAT KATY DID 67 and seated her on his throne. The verses containing the charm were these : Hasten, fairy princekin, Come over the meadows to me; Leave your home in the sunshine; Your beautiful bride I will be. Bright on the woodland glances His jacket of orange and green; Now through the waving branches His silvery plume can be seen. Coming near and nearer, He holds a ring in his hand, I am to be the wearer. His queen in the flowery land. Hither, fairy princekin, Oh hasten hither to me. Lead away through the sunshine The little girl waiting for thee. The tune ran thus. I I ^««>- *itwi, k«««>M^''l*A luiwfltk^^ lifttdL-^ UUuV w^ i^* One evening Rosebud came home without Katy, and Katy's parents could not understand it at all. They were very sad and puzzled. What had happened was this: After following Rosebud into the pasture 68 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS and playing awhile, she remembered the fairy prinoekin and concluded to sing the verses which had the charm in them, as they might, perhaps, bring a fairy prince to her. She also started on a search for him. She climbed a high and difficult fence and almost fell down on the other side. She tore her dress, but thought it would not matter much, as her fairy prince would bring her another and prettier dress. She wandered away through the woods where she had never been before. After a long time it began to grow hot, and Katy realized that she was hungry. She sat down on a log and thought of her supper of bread and milk which always tasted so good. A big butterfly flitted before her. * ' Can you tell me, pretty butterfly, where my fairy princekin lives?" said Katy with a tearful voice. But the butterfly flew away. A grasshopper skipped at her feet. "Perhaps you know where my fairy princekin lives," said Katy. But the grasshopper hopped away. A squirrel was running up a tree, and he stopped and looked with curiosity at Katy. "Please, pretty squirrel, tell me where I shall find my fairy prince," said Katy. But the squirrel coughed, shook his bushy tail, and ran on to where his little ones were up high, in the hollow of a tree. A robin and a pewee were sitting in the same tree, but Katy questioned them in vain. Next Katy came to a pond on whose banks some green frogs were squatting. They were wise and solemn looking, and to them Katy put the same ques- tion. "Go home, go home," grunted a big fellow, and the others all grunted in chorus, "go home, go home." "But I can't go home," said Katy, "for I have lost my way. " Katy was a brave child, but she WHAT KATY DID 69 almost cried as she thought how nice it would be if she were at home. She found a few wild raspberries to eat, then since her strength would carry her no farther, she lay down on some soft leaves and went to sleep. Before it was quite dark, a big boy came along look- ing for his cow which had strayed from its pasture. Seeing a heap of clothes he came up to the spot and found Katy asleep. He whistled. (Here the story- teller gave a prolonged whistle.) ** Hallo! What's this? Wake up little one. How came you here?" Katy rubbed her eyes and sat up. **Are you my fairy princekin that I was looking for ? " she asked him. ** What's that? Your fairy princekin? Why, yes. That's just what I must be. Do you want to come with me?" ** Seems to me you live awfully far away, " said poor Katy. '*I have traveled, oh, I guess, fifty or five hundred miles. But why don't you wear your jacket of orange and green? And where's your silvery plume?" '* Got all those things at home. You can't expect a feller to wear his best clothes every day, you know. " **Why no, I suppose not," agreed Katy, half convinced. **Do you?" said the boy. '*No, mother doesn't let me." * * Who is your mother ? ' ' "Why, she's just my mother. Everybody knows her." '*Well, let's go and find my mother now, who is waiting for you. She'll give you somfe supper. Don't you want something to eat?" "Verily I do," said Katy, and now she let Harry, for that was the boy's name, pick her up, — Katy was a 70 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS very little thing, — and carry her to his house which was not far away. The cow had already come home and Harry's father and mother were surprised to see Katy. At first, among these strange people, the little girl wanted to cry, but as Harry held her hand and ex- plained how she was his bride and he was her fairy princekin, his parents understood, and soon Katy was willing to sit in Harry's mother's lap, while she ate a bowl of bread and milk, after which she was put to bed in a nice, soft bed, near Harry's mother. While Harry was telling the story of how he had found Katy, there came a knock at the door. It was Katy's father who was hunting over all the country for his little daughter, calling at the neighbors' houses. When he saw his dear wee Katy asleep in a crib, he was so thankful he almost cried. It was concluded to let the little girl stay where she was until the next day, when Harry's father would harness the horse, and accompanied by Harry, would take her home. Katy slept late the next morning, but when she awoke and found her fairy prince bending over her, she was not one bit afraid. She had a nice breakfast, and the ride to her home was delightful, because Harry sat beside her. He told her that they were too young to marry, but later, they certainly would. And she must never run away from her home again, because her father and mother would feel so sorry about it. Katy promised she never would. And Harry promised to come and see his bride often, with his best jacket on, while Katy could sometimes come and see him. This story always ended with the words, "And this is what Katy did."- XV THE THREE BEARS I WILL give one more example of Jtilia's stories, this one also, I believe, quite forgotten in the less imaginative tales offered to children to-day. This was called The Three Bears; and was a favorite of mine, as bears stood for the whole animal world of danger and romance. The play of bears was thrilling, since we hid from them when the cry was raised, "the bears are coming," scrambling up into a tree, where we looked down in safety upon our enemy, a boy who roared and made other fear- some noises, tmtil a htmter, generally another of the boys, came with a shotgtm (a bean-shooter), and killed the bear, after which we slid from our perch to the ground. The story ran in this way : Once upon a time, there was a little boy who ran away from school, and strayed a long distance from home. He came to a curious, small house. The door was not locked and he went in. Three chairs were in the first room. He sat down on the first and found 71 72 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS it so hard he jumped up as quickly as he could. He sat down on the second and found it better, but not very soft. He sat down on the third and it was so soft he rested and rocked in it a long time. After awhile he went into the second room, where were three beds. He lay down on the first and it was so hard he sprang right up. He lay down on the second and found it better, but not very comfortable. He lay down on the third, and it was so soft he cuddled up and went to sleep. After a couple of hours he woke up and felt hungry. He went into the third room where there were three pans of milk. He tasted of the first and found it sour and disgusting. He tasted of the second and found it partly sweet and partly sour. He tasted of the third and it was so sweet he drank it all up. Just then he heard noises and hid himself quickly in the cupboard. Three bears who were owners of the house came in. Father Bear said (in a low, gruff voice), '* Who's been sitting in my chair?" Mother Bear said, '* Who's been sitting in my chair? " Little Boy Bear said (in a high, squeaky voice), ** Who's been sitting in my chair and squashed it all to pieces?" They went into the second room. Father Bear said, ''Who's been lying on my bed?" Mother Bear said, "Who's been lying on my bed?" Little Boy Bear said, "Who's been lying on my bed and tumbled it all up?" They went into the third room. Father Bear said, "Who's been tasting of my milk?" Mother Bear said, "Who's been tasting of my milk?" Little Boy Bear said, "Who's been drinking of my milk, and drunk it all up?" Father Bear said : " I'm going a hunting, and if I find that little boy who has been sitting on my chair, lying on my bed and tasting of my milk, I'll eat him up." Mother THE THREE BEARS 73 Bear said: "I'm going fishing, and if I find that little boy who has been sitting in my chair, Ijring in my bed, and tasting of my milk, I'll thrash him. " Little Boy Bear said: '* I'm going to stay here, and if I find that little boy who sat in my chair and broke it all down, lay on my bed and tumbled it all up, and drank up all my milk, I'll take him home. " After Father and Mother Bear had gone away. Little Boy Bear went to the cupboard and said: **Come out quickly, little boy, and I will take you home. But don't come here again, for it is not safe. Also don't run away from school again." The little boy was thoroughly frightened and promised and he never did. XVI A BROKEN ARM I HAD my share of accidents more or less serious. Once, standing on the edge of our veranda, swing- ing from my hands which clasped a rope stretched between two posts (I suppose used to dry towels), the rope broke and I fell heavily to the groimd. It was not a fall of more than two feet, but my arm was broken a little below the elbow. This was not evident except from the pain which I felt. Julia, for once, was not kind, for she reproached me for crying and said I was a baby to mind such a little thing as that. She sat in a swing fastened from hooks in the ceiling, and held Mattie in her lap. I was indignant with Julia and went oflf to grieve by myself. When mother came home she comforted me, and said that children ought to cry when they were hurt, and she was sure I was no cry-baby. She said my arm would soon be better, as I had only strained the muscles. After a week, a hard lump appeared on the arm, where the bones pro- 74 A BROKEN ARM 75 truded, and somewhat alarmed, mother sent me to the doctor's oflSce. I was six years old, but I went alone. Mother was too busy to accompany me, and there was nobody else. Besides children were taught to stand upon their own feet in those days. The doctor f otmd it necessary to ref racture the broken bone which had begun to knit, press the ends into shape, and bind on splints. While this operation was being performed, I stood per- fectly still, without flinching, while silent tears rolled down my face. When all was over, with my arm in a sling, I walked sorrowfully home while the tears would come because of pain. Triumph- antly I went to Jtilia and said: '*You mean thing. I broke my arm and the doctor had to break it over again because it was not growing right, and he set it, and I am to tell mother that I was a brave girl. *' Julia was filled with compunction, and she caught me in her arms, rocked me, and told me one of her grief-assuaging stories. What mother thought I never knew. But the good doctor never wearied after that, of telling of my endurance. I was a great favorite of his as long as he lived in our village. XVII MATTIE AND I FALL INTO THE WATER AND ARE NEARLY DROWNED About this time the careers of both Mattie and mjrself were very nearly ended by a drowning experience. I was sent to my father's store with express orders not to loiter by the way. Mattie went with me. The road there and back was straight enough, but it lay along the stream, and at one point flowers grew on the bank which shelved steeply down to the water. A sctun of oil that came from the nearest mill and collected in the grass and sedges growing near the shore covered the surface of the water. I never could pass flowers without at least looking at and smelling of them. I remember quite plainly that these formed a clump of spiraea or meadow-sweet. I stooped to pick one, my foot slipped on the smooth bank, and I fell in. Mattie stepped on the sctun of oil thinking it was ice and tried to catch hold of my dress. I touched Mattie's 76 MATTIE AND I PALL IN THE WATER 77 dress and knew that she was also in the water. We were absolutely hdpless and would soon have sunk for the last time, had not a girl who had been walking with us run to the foundry near by, and told some men who were working there of our mishap. They lost no time in fishing us out. Not many feet away there was a dam over which the water rushed with force. Had we fallen in a few feet farther down the stream, we should have been caught in the current and carried over the fall. It was a dose call. To this day I can vividly recall the tmpleasant sensations which came from breathing water into my lungs, and I do not think drowning is an easy death. Many thoughts came into my mind while I was in the water, espedally the fact that I was disobedient to my mother, so that if I died, where would I go? This experience has made me all my life tmusually timid in the ocean surf, where I have, in vain, tried to learn to swim. When we stood upon the bank with our clothes dripping, the colors of the delaine dresses run together, ' and with stmbonnets limp, we cried lustily. In this condition we were taken in a wagon to the top of otu* hill, and set down at our own door. The men went away without stop- ' See copy of daguerreot3rpe in which these, our best frocks, were worn. 78 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS ping to explain to mother, as they had ftalifilled their duty. Two dripping, weeping children stood before their mother. "Who in the world are you?" she asked, not recognizing us at first. **I was disobedient, and we got drowned,'* I replied, choking. As soon as mother knew us for her own girlies, she took off our wet clothes and put us in her nice, big bed with hot water in bottles at our feet. Mattie recovered soon, but I was very ill from cold and shock, and only just survived the terrible experience. For a week I lay between life and death, threatened with inflammation of the lungs, as pneumonia was then called. As I was getting better, my mother's brother took the opportunity one day to impress upon my conscience the enormity of my sin. He told me I was still tmregenerate (I was six years old), and if God in His mercy had not interposed and saved me, I would be even now beyond the reach of hope. He solemnly asked me, '* Where would you be now, if you had died in your disobedience?" I think my reply must have astonished him, for I answered, * 'Without, with dogs and whoremongers." The latter creatures were, to my mind, huge, black tjeasts, fearsome and all-devouring. I burst into tears, and mother, hearing, came quickly to my MATTIE AND I FALL IN THE WATER 79 aid. She took in the situation. * 'Brother," she coninianded him, '*this is no time to talk to the poor child about her soul. Besides you had better leave that to me. You may be sure I shall try to do my duty when the appropriate time comes.'* My tmcle left the room and in later years he and I were the warmest of friends. The incident illustrates the severe thought of the age, and how strictly very young children were held to account for their misdeeds. To this day I can still feel my mother's soothing kiss as she comforted me, after my imcle's severe reproof. **As one whom his mother comforteth, " says one of the tenderest passages of Scripture, ' * so will I comfort you, saith the Lord." I do not claim that I have drawn all these incidents from memory. Mother related many of them to me with more or less amusement, later in my life. XVIII AUNT HANNAH It was, perhaps, in the summer following our drowning experience, that mother went away for a few weeks' much needed rest. Father went with her, also the baby brother. We two girls were left in the charge of mother's maiden atmt, a most excellent woman, conscientious to excess, but who never had been trained by such as we. She thought it would be a simple thing, a combin- ation of gentleness and firmness, to keep us in the right paths. I would like to know of her change of views after those six weeks. Dear soul ! She has long been in her grave. She had beautiful, brown hair, long and straight, glossy and fine, and she brushed it slowly and with lingering care every day. To reinforce her in proper discipline, Mr. Pettin- gill, the "supply," of our church came to board at our house, where he also could keep an eye on us. Mr. Pettingill could smile, but most of the time his thin lips were shut in a firm and set 80 AUNT HANNAH 8i expression. He wore whiskers, cut close about his mouth. His eye was steady and piercing, not good for transgressors to meet. He was not one to trifle with. One thing I was firmly resolved upon, that the time of my mother's absence should be one of freedom if not license. I organized Mattie and myself into a hostile camp, and our guardians must have had to revise their theories that children were like an open book full of blank pages which had only to be written in by good people to make their lives perfect and beautiful. Arthur Christopher Benson has the theory, that temperament is formed by heredity at birth and practically does not change with years. There will be development and evolution, but not change. He says, ** Personality is a stubborn thing." * 'Apart from certain definite acquirements, I cannot see that my character has altered in the smallest degree since boyhood." He adds, **I see exactly the same weaknesses, the same pitiful ambitions, the same faults" which he has learned better to conceal. And again: **I look aroimd, and the same phenomenon meets me everywhere. I do not know any instance among my friends where I can trace any radical change of character." He quotes the Latin line, * * Sicut erat in prindpio et nunc et semper et in saecula saeculorum. " I am 6 82 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS inclined to agree with that view of the case. I know that as to myself, I am still quick to make decisions and to abide by them; still impetuous, still strongly partisan. I still enjoy life every day, whatever it may bring me. Life softens and chastens, but alters neither tendency nor tempera- ment. My friends sum me up by saying I am optimistic, which may be a fault or a virtue according to facts. Certain rules were made for us by Aimt Haimah, and one of them was that we, Mattie and I, must •ew one hour every afternoon, generally **over and over, " the seam of a sheet, or blocks for a bed- quilt. Mother's way had been better. She set us a ''stunt," directly after dinner, and if we could do it quickly the gain was ours. Aimt Hannah made it a question of time which was unbearable. We had to **do" our lessons in the morning to one of the two guardians. That was enough. Did Aunt Hannah but leave the room for an instant, I caught Mattie's hand, threw down the hated sheet, and rushed outdoors. Some- times the minister, who was on the watch, pur- sued and caught us, when the penalty was fifteen minutes added to the hour. But once among the trees, not even he could ferret out our hiding- place. There was not a tree on the place, except AUNT HANNAH 83 the nasty, sticky pines, which I did not fearlessly climb. I could ** shinny up" straight or crooked trunks for ten or fifteen feet, until I reached the branches where I found a nice seat. Many of these trees I peopled with fairies and gnomes, or old woman witches gathered from Julia's tales, and with these I talked as with friends, meanwhile rocking and swaying in the wind. My favor- ites were the white birches, of which there were many on our place, large and with thick foliage. By sitting in just the spot where I could balance evenly, I could spring up and down, and enjoy a delightful ** teeter. " This rocking represented traveling, and at such times I visited many places which I dimly knew through our simple geo- graphy lessons, oftenest New York, by boat or train, where my aimts and step-grandmother lived, and whither I greatly longed to go for a visit. Often I heard or saw Aimt Hannah on a searching party for me, but if I kept quiet in the tree tops, she could rarely find me. If she did, I was beyond her reach, and I would take advantage of the situ- ation by saying, * * Mother always lets me swing in the trees,'* upon which she would caution, **Well, don't fall, child." To this I would scornfully reply, **0f course not." And I never remember to have had any real hurt from my arboreal excur- 84 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS sions. But my apron or dress did not always come oflf unscathed, or I scratched my arm. To both I was equally indifferent. One afternoon I thus tore and destroyed two aprons. Aunt Hannah took oflE the second with an ominous expression of countenance. She placed me upstairs in an imfur- nished room by myself, and locked the door. It happened that this was used as a store-room by my mother, who kept her choicest jams in the closet. I therefore took my imprisonment with rare resignation. I took down a glass from the shelf, knocked off the cover, and proceeded to par- take of the delicious sweetmeat. Absence of spoons was no hindrance. I had long ago learned the use of fingers in eating. Aunt Hannah had tied on a nice, clean, white apron and told me that I could not go out again before tea. Suddenly I noticed that my white apron was sadly stained with the beloved jam. It gave me a little start, but concluding that the harm was already done, and recalling the well-known proverb about being killed for a sheep, I went on and emptied the glass. Then I licked my hands, and upon my liberation, went to mother's pincushion, took a lot of pins and fastened tucks over all the stains. I thought they were securely hidden, but I was only a small ostrich with my head in the sand. De- AUNT HANNAH 85 mtirely I took my accustomed seat at table by the side of the minister. He eyed me with suspicion. Doubtless he thought I looked too sweet and sub- missive, as if I were really chastened by my afternoon's confinement. He lifted me from my chair, stood me on the table, and impinned me, pin after pin, imtil the apron stared me in the face looking like Joseph's coat which had been dipped in blood. My poor great aimt was horrified, and together these two drew from me the confession of my feast. An empty glass upstairs confirmed the over true tale. I was put to bed with a plain supper, and sweets of every kind were forbidden me for a week. They did not know that every evening I sauntered innocently into the kitchen where Julia had hidden for me a fine dish of jam or whatever the family had had. Also cake and a story were part of my feast. Had the guardians only laughed at my pranks and not deemed them ptmishable sins, we should have been at peace. I am sure they had Uttle sense of humor, which is another way of laying they lacked in^tgination. XIX DISCIPLINING AUNT HANNAH Partly to discipline Aunt Hannah, a few nights after the jam episode, I suggested to Mattie that we go to bed with our clothes on. We did so. Mattie always yielded to my suggestions, dear, sweet little thing. We lay very still, feigning sleep when the good lady came in to see us as she considered it her duty to do. I never could learn to put my clothes in an orderly fashion over a • chair, and part of the effect of these nightly visits was a rearrangement of our vestments so that they would not be all wrinkles in the morning. Aunt Hannah missed the customary sights of heaps of drawers and aprons. Suddenly she said with cutting sarcasm, lost on me, however, **What good children! You must have folded up your clothes and laid them neatly in the bureau. I do not see a single article. Why, where can your shoes be ? " We looked up with drowsy innocence. ** Surely you cannot have forgotten to take them 86 DISCIPLINING AUNT HANNAH 87 off." Then she pulled down the bedclothes and laid bare the plot in all its turpitude. Under her reproachful eyes we were obliged to get up, dis- robe, fold, and lay in immaculate order upon our two chairs, everything of the day's wear, put on our nightdresses, and get back into bed where we giggled with delight long after Aimt Hannah went away. Whatever I did I confessed to Julia, and she always laughed with me, and advised me well and wisely. I generally took her advice, believing as she said, that the fairies knew much of what was going on among mortals, and were shocked when we did wrong, and were pleased when our actions were right. Dear JuUa! in a few years she grew pale and weak, and at last, had to leave mother's service to go and die with her relatives, a victim to the disease then so prevalent among New England's country folk, consiunption. I was heart-broken when she left, and so was mother. We all wept together, mother understanding so well the reason for her departure. I never again made an intimate friend of the "hired girl" in mother's kitchen. XX BEARS AND OTHER BEASTIES My imagination was vivid in those days, and one picture often came to me which had no real exist- ence, but which filled me with horror. It was a row of small buildings, amost like chicken houses, situated far from the road, on the edge of a forest. The place was intensely lonely, dark, and desolate. I never saw persons or animals or any Uving thing about these houses, but I was sure that tragic deeds took place behind their silent walls. I would listen, at night, for screams of victims which were being tortured or murdered there. Whether such things were done by men or monsters, I never knew, but nothing could have persuaded me to explore. I was always looking for the reality of my picture, and once, in later years when I had almost forgotten the nightmare, dur- ing a ride, I saw a row of low houses, each with a small door and window, probably the homes of employes in a factory not far oflf, with a back- 88 BEARS AND OTHER BEASTIES 89 ground of trees. I turned cold with terror, and the effect lasted long after the ride was ended. My life was haunted by animals. Some were real, more were imaginary. Once when my little sister was sick, I slept on a mattress at the foot of mother's bed in order to wait upon mother if she needed help during the night. My father was away at the time. I was anxious about my sister and lay awake much of the night listening to her troubled breathing. On the ceiling I saw a queer, moving, much exaggerated shadow. Quietly I climbed around the foot of the bed, so that I could see the table upon which a small lamp burned. A pitcher of milk stood on the table, near the bed. A rat was balancing itself upon the edge of the pitcher trjdng to reach the milk. The creature could not get its mouth down to the milk without losing its balance and falling in. After trying many times, the rat turned around, dipped its tail into the milk, then drew the tail through its mouth. This it did several times, I watching fascinated. After its appetite was sated, and it ran away, I arose and emptied the pitcher without waking mother. In the morning I told the story to mother who could hardly believe it. But it was perfectly true. I was wide awake and saw, 90 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS first the queer, huge shadow, then the rat itself. My sister (this was not Mattie, but one still younger) recovered. The real object had no terrors for me. I was not afraid of rats or mice, or anything I could see. At times, especially after one of Julia's hair- raising stories, going to bed was fraught with frightful fancies. There were bears under the bed! Smothering ourselves under the sheet, we heard them growl, and Oh Heavens! felt them hump up the mattress as they lifted their backs. After getting into bed, we were not allowed to have a light in our room and on moonlight nights, with the blinds wide open, I did not mind the bears. On dark, and especially stormy nights, our imaginary beasties caused us to suffer almost agonies. We felt the bed move up and down, while cold perspiration covered our bodies. It was a sort of delicious fear which I treasured even after I had outgrown the thing. Once when Mattie and I were picking wild strawberries in the ** cows' pasture," I carefully examining every bush and wall behind which bears might lurk, we heard the croaking of frogs close by. The pasture bordered the mill-pond above the falls, and the banks were marshy. Mattie and I looked at each other. BEARS AND OTHER BEASTIES 91 ** Bears, " whispered I. Dropping baskets and berries, we fled away home in a panic of terror. Breathless we told mother of our dreadful experi- ence, adding that we had seen two big, black bears. Mother put down her work and went with us to the pasture, telling us on the way that we were silly children. Holding one of us by each hand, she led us to the swamp where we could see frogs swelling their throats and croaking. She made us stand and look at them. We admitted that these were our bears. Mother talked with us about the sin of lying and the disgrace of cowardice. She told us that not a bear could be found within a hundred miles of us. Surely mother tried to make us truthful and brave, but my quick fancy must have made hers a hard task. Many such faults belong to the era of childhood, and like the ** leg-ache, " which used to afflict me sorely, with a wise letting alone, will be, in time, out- grown. Father gave us pigeons and rabbits for pets, and, of course, we always had a cat and kittens, also a cimning little pig, whose tragic death in the fall overshadowed our pleasure in it. Mother had an aversion to dogs and would not permit us to own one. When father begged for one such pet, mother worked a dog on each of a pair of slippers 92 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS for him, adding that she was quite willing to allow such as those to walk around the house, but no others. Pather appreciated the humor of the gift and so we did not have a canine pet. XXI THEFT AND ITS CONSEQUENCES The story I am about to tell of myself reveals much that puzzles me in the review. Not that I cannot trace my mental attitude, but it was contrary to my character to deceive or steal, and yet it is a fact that, on this occasion, I did both with perfect deliberation. It may have been, in part, the thrill of excitement at being able successfully to enter into a forbidden land. For many years, I was sometimes sorely tempted to disregard early training, conscience, and con- ventional rules, and do something unexpected, even by myself. I can only explain the feeling by saying I was as if shackled, impeded by rigid rules of conduct, and I wanted to jimip the fence and find interesting by-ways, not straying so far as to get lost, but so as to feel free to do as I wanted to do and not as I ought. After wandering, some- times only in fancy, in these forbidden lanes, I would come back contented and be good again. 93 94 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS My mother, wishing something from the store, sent me to her pocket-book for the necessary change. A ten-cent piece lay temptingly in the ptirse, and I took it and secreted it in my hand. Mattie went with me. I know the exact spot where I dropped that dime, stooped and picked it up, saying, **0h, Mattie! see here. I have foimd ten cents. " Mattie was delighted as always with my good fortune, and asked to see it several times. Arriving home, mother was told, and later, father, the good news. Father suggested that part of it (such a big sum as it was in those days!) might go to the missionaries. I demurred at first, having visions of candy, but soon, perhaps because it was already burning my hand, I deter- mined to devote the whole amount to this cause so dear to all our hearts. When I told father, he was lavish in his praise. He said I would never regret my generous act. I did not. The Juvenile Missionary Society soon held its quarterly meet- ing. A returned missionary, who was being enter- tained at our house, was engaged to make the principal speech of the evening. Father told him the story of my ten-cent piece, and my rare self-denial in giving the whole sum to the cause was commented upon. Benignly the missionary smiled on me. Caressingly he stroked my curls THEFT AND ITS CONSEQUENCES 95 (pretty poor ctirls they were, because always blown about by the wind, and kept out of my eyes by a round comb which I was forever taking out and putting back) while he said I was a dear, good child, and he hoped God would call me to be a missionary myself, when I was older. I professed myself ready to go then and there if the call should come. When the good man arose in meeting which was held in the church to accommodate the large numbers which usually came, he told in my deUghted and blushing presence, the whole tale, mentioning no names, but indicating rather clearly by looks in my direction that dear, unselfish little girl. The other girls looked at me with envy. Could dimes have been scattered over the streets of our town the missionary box would have been well filled. I tried to look unconscious, but inwardly swelled with pride. My story is not finished. The missionary took my dime, made it the text of many other speeches in other churches, and putting it up at auction, raised much money. After the bidding the coin was returned to the missionary who used it in like manner still further. Lastly it was sent to The Dayspringj a children's mission- ary magazine which had a wide circulation in those days. The story was published, names being withheld, and all children's societies were asked to 96 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS bid for it. A large sium of money was thus raised, and some missionary finally received the dime and stopped its benevolent travels. In the proud consciousness of my service to the cause of mis- sions, it is evident why, neither then, nor for long afterwards could I tell the truth as to how I came by the money. When I did confess, in after years to my mother, it was not with any sense of sin, but rather as if I had been ** smart. " But some- thing in the experience implanted in me a horror of the meanness and cowardice of deceit and theft, so that it would have been impossible in all my after life to have cheated even a car driver of a nickel. I had not heard of ** tainted money," and I even wondered if God would not be grateful to me for my involuntary services, although I promised Him I would not do the same again. The Dayspring long ago ceased its lurid exist- ence. I recall, distinctly, its pictures of the Juggernaut running over prostrate men and women, of people hanging from the awful thing fastened high with hooks in their backs, of widows btiming on their husbands' pyres (piles I called them), of babies thrown to crocodiles, great reptiles which crawled on the banks of rivers with their mouths wide open, and other pleasant cus- toms of the benighted heathen. These people, in THEFT AND ITS CONSEQUENCES 97 the pictures were black, and it was long before I could see a negro man or woman without a shudder. India, especially, was hopelessly bad and cruel. My father had one sentence in his morning prayers which I followed with fervor. As he prayed for the heathen, he expressed thanks that we were bom and brought up in this favored Christian land. XXII FAMILY LIFE While, as a child, I cared not at all for money for its own sake, from this time I became an ardent supporter of the missionary cause and begged for some way of earning money. We were told that only by self-denial could we earn money that would be acceptable to the Lord. By going with- out butter, a real deprivation to me, mother gave us five cents a week, and many times all of mine went into the contribution box. Or we might eat butter once a day and earn three cents a week. On company occasions we received special dispensa- tion, and ate as much butter as we wished. Nothing could have been simpler as well as more nourishing and generous than our table. Milk we had in abundance from our own cow, always a good one, generally a Jersey, and often mother churned a little butter. It was part of my duty to drive the cow to pasture every morning and go after her at night. Once a drunken mill-hand caught me 98 FAMILY LIFE 99 at the bars, held me in his arms, and kissed me all over my face, until I delivered a blow on his nose which made him release his hold. I went on up the road, still after the cow which had started for the *' upper bars.'* There, hiding myself, I watched till I saw the man go away. It was early on a winter morning, and my feet almost froze before I could get home, crying bitterly. This was the only time in my childhood or girlhood in which I was frightened by a tramp or mill-hand. After that I never went alone, and generally one of our numerous chore-boys or father drove the cow. It was considered perfectly safe for us to go anjrwhere alone. My father tried hard to get from me a description of the wretch who, even when drtmk, would catch and ill-use a child of nine or ten years old, but he was not to be found. I knew that his breath smelt horrible of liquor, but as to the rest I was vague. I wonder now, that I was able to take down and put up the pasture bars at so young an age, but I was large and strong for my years. The pasture belonged to my father, and adjoined the cemetery. It was a pretty place, with the river on one side, large trees and many flowers growing there. At ten o'clock we children were given a lunch- eon, generally a glass of milk and a cooky or a 100 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS doughnut. If huckleberries were in season a big spoonful was dropped into the milk, and these, in order to prolong the delicious repast, we ate one by one speared on a long pin. Por dinner, at noon, we often, in summer, had five or six vegetables picked fresh from our garden, with alittle meat. Our tea, at six, was of warm bis- cuit or plain bread, with honey or some preserved fruit. Some warm dish was pro vided as of creamed codfish, hash or eggs, and cottage cheese. Sun- days we always had cake for tea, made on Satur- day. I was fond of the good things of the woods and supplemented my meals with sassafras root, birch bark, wintergreen leaves and berries, flag- root, wild raspberries, and other small fruits. Great was the time for huckleberries of which many grew in fields far and near. We would take our Itmcheons and ride two or three miles to the berry pasture, where we would spend the day and have a glorious time. At five the wagon would come and take us home. By that time we would have our pails full, besides having eaten a quart or two. Generally an older boy or girl went with us, but many times I was the eldest of the party, and I felt my responsibility keenly. I seem always to have had the care of younger children, and to have been trusted with our own and those of the neighbors. Hr. Webb, Miuionaij from HadimB FAMILY LIFE loi I drove our horse without any sense of fear from the time when I was-ebout ten years old. I was starting for a long djtv^ -one morning, and asked father the way. "Havfi^pWa tongue in your head?" asked father. "Yes*£r;'''«aid I. "Well, use it, " was the injunction. He sent me, once, to the station in Vemon", four miles away, before the branch railroad extendedip /^ our village. The snow was heavy on the ground, and I took the sleigh, to meet a missionary and bring him to our house. The train was late, and while waiting, my horse grew restless, and my feet became cold. At last he came, poor man, from India, to whom our severe climate must have been deadly. I tucked him up with the buffalo robe and started for home. The horse went like the wind over the frozen, well-trodden roads. Very stupidly I missed the right way, and ran off on a side road where the snow was scarcely broken. We came near upsetting. The mission- ary's teeth chattered. My fingers were numb, so that they could scarcely control the horse. Finally I stopx>ed and said I must inquire my way at a near-by farmhouse, where I saw a light. I asked my passenger to hold the reins. He decUned, being in terror of my restless steed. He went himself, plowing through the snow, obtained 102 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS the desired information, and regaining my sense of direction, we drove on. -When we dashed up to the house, about ten otio<*k' at night, my hands had lost all power ^f^ control, and father had to come out and unclasp my nearly frozen fingers. The hoise had gone straight to the bam and was pawing impatiently to be let in. • - -.The missionary and I thawed slowly, and were none the worse for our cold, night ride. This man talked with me about going as a mis- sionary to India when I should be old enough, and from this time I began to consider myself as prom- ised to that field. For Mr. Webb was a dear, sweet man, and impressed himself and his work strongly upon me. My mother's sister, Mrs. Lydia Hale Devan, was the first lady Baptist missionary to China who died at her post. She survived the long and terrible voyage in a sailing vessel of several months, — steamers being then unknown — only two years, and died away from her family, after which her husband came to this country. He had been more in love with his wife than with the Heathen Chinee, and went to the foreign field only because Lydia would not marry him otherwise. It may have been one reason why our parents were so devoted to the missionary cause. Mrs. Lf dia Hale Devan, Missionaij to China Piom an old di|;acrreotype XXIII A CURE FOR WARTS The cherry season was the best time of the year. I climbed high into the big trees, sat on the branches and ate, literally, by the quart. I often gloried in the ntmiber of ''stones" that I swal- lowed, appendicitis having no terrors for me. I was very careful about poisonous fruits, eating those only which I knew to be safe. Toadstools I never touched. Julia warned me against them, and added that the fairies danced on toadstools. I often examined them with care, for traces of these tiny revels, and I hoped for a glance at the wee folk themselves. When I found them not, I said, "Of course not, for if they danced in my presence they would not be fairies, since no mortal eyes have seen fairies. " Julia said, what I firmly believed, that as soon as I disappeared they came out and danced on their platform. So I was careful never to destroy a toadstool. Toads I thought ugly but interesting, and I often caught them and held them in my hand. One day 103 104 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Julia told me that toads produced warts. I had three or four of those disfiguring appendages on my hands and from that time I never touched a toad, but played with them, keeping them in deep holes dug in the ground. I had one especially large and troublesome wart on my forefinger. I had applied nitrate of silver, and it only made my finger sore, and the wart black. Going to Julia, as usual with my difficulties, she directed me to get out of bed when the moon was full, go into the garden, pick a bean, rub my warts with it, then bury it wheite no one should know. I must forget the spot myself. I carried out the prescription to the letter. Slip- ping out of bed and softly stealing out of the door, — my father was still up, reading a book, — I went • to the garden, opened a bean-pod, rubbed a bean vigorously over the warts, and buried it. I forgot about the occurrence for a few days until Julia asked where my warts were. To my great sur- prise, not one was to be seen, and my fingers remained perfectly smooth from that time. They had all mysteriously disappeared, and for years I was a firm believer in Julia's remedy. I do not explain it, but relate it for an absolute fact. Julia told me at the time to tell no one, as the warts might come back. She and I were the only possessors of this delightful secret. A CURE FOR WARTS 105 Was this an illustration of **the influence of mind over matter"? The curious thing about it was that I had not noticed the absence of the warts until Julia called my attention to it. I never knew whether they disappeared gradually or all at once. I suffered greatly, in those days like most children, from chilblains. They were supposed to be inevitable, and came, perhaps, from wet snow, our feet not being always properly pro- tected. Mattie and I had high boots, like those which boys wore for winter, and we had rubber boots for deep snow. Rubber shoes, I cannot re- member that we had. We wore close-fitting hoods in cold weather, also tippets and mittens knitted by mother, with good, warm coats. The boys of those days knew nothing of overcoats. With caps, tippets, and mittens they braved the coldest weather. In summer we girls wore sunbonnets and pantalettes. The latter were buttoned to underdrawers, white on Sundays, nankeen on week-days. XXIV BEES AND BILLY My father kept bees, and some of the honey, as that made in apple-blossom time, was delicious. Father was mightily afraid of bees, but often had to hive the swarms himself. Usually, Mr. Hurlbut, a neighbor, hived them for us, and he was an expert. He had no fear, but would thrust his hand into the mass of crawling things and let them walk all over his hands and arms with never a sting. Father would put on a veil, gloves, tie his trousers over thick boots, and even then would get badly stung. Many a time I have stayed home from church to watch a hive which was nearly ready to swarm, in order to follow the young bees at a safe distance and see where they alighted. This would, usually, be upon a low branch of one of our apple trees. Then, when father came home, we would spread a sheet upon the ground, place a clean, empty hive over it, and shake the branch vigorously. Or we would strike the branch io6 BEES AND BILLY 107 heavy blows with an axe. It was great fun to see the insects drop and run fast into their new home. I learned about queen bees, and some- times could distinguish them from the other bees, by their size. I have often stood with father back of the apiary and watched the busy work- ers making honeycomb. Once our horse, Billy, grazing near the hives, happened to kick one of them. Instantly the angry creatures came fljring out, red-hot with thoughts of vengeance. At first Billy regarded them with mild astonish- ment, then clothing himself with wings swifter than those of Pegasus, he ran miles into the country. He must, actually, have outrun the bees, for soon they quieted down, and Billy came home, a sadder and a wiser horse. Never again could he be induced to go around that side of the house, and the only time he ran away and smashed the buggy, was when father attempted, for some reason, to drive him there. Billy was a remark- able animal. He used to turn in his stall, with his mouth press down the tongue of the latch of the stable door, push the door open, and walk into the yard. Then he would drink from the sunken half-hogshead, stay awhile, and walk back to his stall. Father turned the tongue of the latch about, putting it on the outside. Billy lifted the io8 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS latch and obtained his liberty. After that father let him do as he pleased. He said so much intelli- gence deserved reward. Billy died at the ripe old age of about twenty-eight, well cared for until the last, put on pasture and given no work to do. Father had other and always good horses. He loved driving, and I shared in this pleasure. He and I went many stanmer days in the buggy, and winter afternoons in the sleigh. We took in all the country around, climbing hiUs and stopping for the views which were fine, thus visiting, when father had business, or merely for pleasure, Elling- ton, Tolland, Coventry, Bolton, Manchester, and other towns. Sometimes we carried our lunch and were gone all day. Often we took the big wagon and the family went on an excursion to Enfield, where the Shakers served good dinners, or to Springfield, or even to Hartford for shopping. The ride around Snipsic Lake was our favorite, and then we would stop at the small cabin of Sarah, an old Indian woman, who was credited with more than worldly wisdom (Julia said that she could read my very thoughts), leaving her papers and magazines or something from our garden. She came to our house sometimes selling dandelion greens or cowslips, (marsh marigolds), I was rather afraid of her. There was an old cedar tree on one of our rides, BEES AND BILLY 109 under which father would stop and take oflf his hat with a formal bow, a tribute to its antiquity. He would then tell us stories of what might have happened when wild Indians roved these hills and valleys. Perhaps in a nearby field there would be a cow with a board fastened across her horns. Father would say: "See what an un- comfortable thing it is to have a bad reputation. That cow is almost blinded by the board, and it is heavy for her to carry around. But she has a bad reputation, that of jumping fences and getting into somebody's com, and so she has to be punished. Perhaps she is quite cured of jumping fences now, but nobody knows whether she is or not, because she has a bad reputation." It was while driving with father that, very young, I learned to hold the reins and drive, and I could harness and saddle a horse while still so small that I had to stand on a box to reach his back. When a few years older, in my early teens, I often rode horseback ten or twelve miles, alone, before breakfast. Those were deUghtful excur- sions, when I would get up at four, saddle my own horse, and ride away with an easy canter, listening to the early birds, finding flowers which I slid from my horse to pluck. I would leave the horse unhitched, and when ready, would spring from no A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS the ground to the saddle. Usually Nellie, a gentle mare, would wait for me. Once, in pure mis- chief, she walked slowly towards home, leaving me to follow angry and tired. In those days we wore a long riding skirt, and it was no easy matter to walk and hold it out of the dust. When Nellie's frolicsome mood was over, she stopped and allowed me to jump on her back. After that she was fastened when I went after flowers or branches. On a winter's evening what a comfortable sound the animals made mtmching their suppers which father prepared while I held the lantern! He always cut the hay, sprinkled it generously with meal, threw in water, and thoroughly mixed all with a big fork. Then he shoveled it into the mangers, the horse and cow stamping and poking their noses out, impatiently expectant. After- wards we made all tight and locked the bam, pass- ing through a covered way to the house. Father said he could not sleep if he did not know the animals were all right. What sweet smells came from that loft of hay! It was mostly our own, cut from our pastures. In mild weather I often studied my lessons or read a book, half buried in the hay. XXV A MAY-DAY PARTY My father was devoted to the happiness of his children, and among other things for us to play with, made us a ''see-saw." .This often had three or four boys and girls seated at each end and one brave spirit balancing in the middle by step- ping to one side or the other. We rose and fell eight or ten feet in the air, and as the heavy board had a raised back at each end, there was little danger of our falling off. If we did I cannot remember that we ever seriously hurt ourselves. Our favorite playhouse was the arbor, an eight- sided structure with broad seats and four wide entrances. The whole between and over the en- trance spaces, was latticed and formed excellent ladders. We used to climb to the lattice above the entrances whence we walked around the whole arbor or jumped from the heights. This was a thrilling thing to do, but I never took a dare from the boys and many times I jumped from just one III 112 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS round higher than Harry Hunt, our neighbor, who, ** stumped" me. My feet stung and my head throbbed, but doubtless Harry's did too. It was within this arbor that father arranged for me a May-day party. We girls used to cele- brate the first day of May by twining baskets of yoimg willow twigs, filling them with trailing arbutus which grew plentifully, near us, and hang them during the evening, on the doors of the boys' houses. The game was to ring the bell and run. If the boy found the basket (and he was generally on the alert), he might chase the giver, and if he caught her it was allowable to kiss her. She ran, of course, but frequently got no farther than the bushes in the yard, where she was liable to be caught. This one May-day party remains vivid in my memory. Father proposed it instead of the kissing game of which he and mother disapproved. The prettiest girl among us was chosen to be our queen. She had blue eyes, tight blonde curls which were the despair of the rest of us, a soft pink and white complexion. By means of her beauty this girl ruled us all, we simply being eager to do her will. Her discipline consisted of the fate- ful words, "You mean thing! I will never play with you again as long as I live." One thus banished from her favor was neglected by the A MAY-DAY PARTY 113 other girls, and felt alone and unhappy. It is strange how children adore beauty and submit to the spoiled one's whims. I must admit, however, that Louisa's rule was gentle, for she was as ami- able as she was pretty, and so far as I remember, just. She had a bright younger sister who played with us, although she was nearer Mattie's age than Louisa's and mine. One other girl, tall and com- manding, a brunette, with black, straight hair, shared the supremacy with Louisa. She had a stately carriage and was good in her studies which counted for much. She lived near me and we were intimate friends for years. On this occasion, Annie and I were the maids of honor, our duty being to walk beside the queen and hold up her long veil. I, being the hostess, had the right to choose my place in the pageant. It never occurred to me to be the queen, because I was neither pretty nor popular. When I complained to mother that I was not pretty, she said that I ought to thank God for that, as it preserved me from many temptations. I cannot remember that I felt the gratitude which my mother recommended. My looks were those of a wide-awake, healthy giri who cared naught for her complexion, and seldom wore her sunbonnet. My hair, for a few years allowed to curl, was then cut and kept short, with mother for the tonsorial 114 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS artist. I always longed for curls and used to make them out of shavings or dandelion stems, and stick my round comb full of them, so that when decorated, I must have looked like an Indian. As to being a favorite, I was too eager to have my own way to care for the desires of others. As for being politic, I did not know the meaning of the word. No, I was not popular in school, nor in play, and I often sulked about this and went away by myself. I once overheard father say: **What Carol wants to do, it is almost impossible to turn her from. Her mother and I let her do things of which we do not approve, simply because we dread the conflict with her will." The fact was, dear father could be coaxed to almost any extent, and mother had to be the disciplinarian. When she finally said no, we submitted without further argument. I used to beg her, ** Mother, think before you say anything. *' The May-day party was a success. After the ceremony of crowning the queen, accompanied with music and dialogue, improvised by father, we walked in procession (there were twenty or thirty of us) to the foot of the hill, to the **pond, ** just above my father's mills. In this sheet of water a small island lay, covered with hazel-nut bushes, spring flowers, and a few oak trees. To A MAY-DAY PARTY 115 this island father ferried us with a small boat. We seated our queen upon a throne of boughs which father cut for us, and partook of a picnic luncheon which mother had put up. Then we played and had a good time. Father often played with us, assuming a character, as of a soldier or captain of a ship. XXVI THANKSGIVING DAY I CANNOT remember that Christmas was observed in our family while I was a child. It savored too much of popery. But the night before the New Year we hung up our stockings, and found, in the morning, a few gifts bunching them out, such as a silver piece in the toe, an apple, pop-corn and candy. If such articles were needed, shoes or aprons were added, and once I had a fine sled, while later both of us girls had skates. The legend of Santa Claus, we were told, was a sort of fairy story which we were cautioned not to believe. We therefore never watched the chimney for the descent of the dear old saint with his reindeers. We had an ideal, open, wood fire-place which would have fitted beautifully into the tale, and I often wished it were true. I had a way of making believe, and, men- tally, acting out things which I knew were not true, and so half satisfying my love of the mar- velous and romantic. A wood fire was one of ii6 THANKSGIVING DAY 117 father's fads, and nobody cotild plant the back log as carefully as he, and cover with ashes so that it would last all day. In the evenings we children popped com and roasted chestnuts among the ashes, listening to father's stories, meanwhile. He told us of Washington and Revolutionary times speaking of the great leader with the utmost reverence. Once, my parents being away for the evening, I tried to be useful and covered up the fire with ashes. Then, to make it look nice, I got out the summer fire-board, and fitted it carefully into its place. I took great credit to myself for this, and was astonished, in the morning, to be told that I had nearly set the house on fire, my father and mother coming home just in time to pull away the blazing board and throw it out of the door. Had they been an hour later, probably nothing could have saved the house. Then I had my first lesson on what makes a fire biun, and I saw how the board cover had sucked in the air from below, ignited the slumbering ashes, and started a fire. Thanksgiving was our day of days. We always had company or went out to dinner on that day of royal feasting. There was one family with whom we united, more often at our house, for mother had Ii8 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS help, while * * Cousm Abby * * had not. The minister and his family were generally included among the guests. Great and exciting preparations were begun days in advance. I stoned raisins, beat up eggs, helped to stir the cake and make the mince and pumpkin pies. We also had EngUsh plum pudding. On Thanksgiving Day, father took the sleigh if snow was on the ground, otherwise the buggy, and drove to some houses of poor families, leaving a chicken with a bunch of celery and other vegetables. He had seen to it before that these people had wood or coal. On these delightful oc- casions, I often went with him to hold the horse while he delivered the basket. Among other recipi- ents of father's bounty were the inmates of the poor- house, some of whom he knew personally. When mother made her cranberry jelly, she often made a big mould for the county's poor, and a pie or a loaf of cake to help out their Thanksgiving. Ar- rived at home, and having given extra dinners to the bam animals, we feasted on savory smells until two o'clock when dinner was served. Of course father had attended the union service in one of our village churches, mother and I generally staying at home in order to prepare the dinner. Such turkeys for size and tenderness! Pather bought from a farmer who gave us the largest and THANKSGIVING DAY 119 best he had. It was always perfectly cooked with just the right '* stuffing. " Scalloped oysters, chicken pie and salad, mashed potatoes and other vegetables, all were put on the table together and heaped on the plates. Father used to measure our height and weigh us before and after dinner. The weighing machine was provided by a store at the foot of the hill which was open a short time in the afternoon for a few loungers who, seated upon barrels, smoked after-dinner pipes. In the evening we roasted apples before the fire which was roused to its best, cracked nuts, and played blindman's buflf. Father would try to peep out from under the handkerchief, when with much laughter we tied it tighter. A long season of family worship appropriately finished the day, during which I generally fell asleep and had to be carried to bed. After a few years donations of fruits and vegetables were taken to the church, piled around the pulpit stairs, and given, the best to our minister, the rest to the village poor. I find, among the old papers a ** program" for Thanksgiving, written by myself, dated Nov. 25, 1852, **For J. N. Stickney's family. " It reads thus: (I copy verbatim) 1 Arrange Toilet. 2 Bam work, by father. 120 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS 3 Breakfast 4 Singing family. 5 Family Worship 6 Singing 7 Rehearse music 8 Attend church 9 Dinner 10 Mother's story II Duett Carol and Mattie 12 Song Father 13 Duett Father and mother 14 Blind mans Buff In this connection I may quote a "toast" of mother's for the Fourth of July. It illustrates her quiet humor. It is written in her fine, delicate penmanship, almost undecipherable now, the paper on which it was written being so yellow with age. There is no date. The memory of the man That owned the land That raised the com That fed the goose That bore the quill That made the pen That wrote the Declaration of Independence. XXVII FAST DAY The usual Past day, in April, proclaimed by the Governor of Connecticut on the Good Friday of the Episcopal churches, was a source of comfort to my soul. The year that I was nine years old, I announced that I was going to keep Fast day. Mother said nothing. I refused the breakfast that was prepared for the children, and after family prayers, retired to my room to spend the day in prayer, meditation, and fasting. I stuck to it for an hour, then the beautiful out-of-doors called me irresistibly. I remembered that one could worship anywhere, under a tree as well as in one's "closet." I closed my Bible and stole downstairs. At first I walked solemnly about, then played with the other children, and forgot about the sacred character of the day. By noon my appetite was frightful. I threw good resolu- tions to the wind, and ate the comfortable dinner provided for us. I felt guilty, but mother said that 121 122 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS I had done very well, and tjiat children were not expected to keep a fast as it might hurt their health. She encouraged me to run about and play all afternoon. About this timQ I began to get very religious. I use this expression advisedly, for I played just as hard and foimd just as much enjoyment in life as before. It was a hymn that first woke me up about my soul. A charge to keep I have; A God to glorify. A never-dying soul to save And fit it for the sky. Letters written when I was eight and nine years old show evidences of growing piety. Several of these have been preserved and were foimd, after my father's death, in a note-book which he carried in his coat pocket. The blessed man had treasured them, worthless pieces of paper, because they were written by his beloved eldest daughter. I give them exactly as they were written, spelling, pimctuation, and capital letters. There are few mistakes in spelling, as children were well drilled in those days, in Webster's Spelling Book, but of pimctuation I had no idea. I was visiting my aunts in Staten Island, with mother, when I wrote to my sister under the date of October 20, 1852. FAST DAY 123 Dear sister. My father's letter says that you shall have a few lines from me and indeed they are a few. I am now at statem island, and our chestnuts are all gone do you have many at home. Well save some for I dont have many here, but I have sweet potatoes and I should like to bring you a bushel. I suppose you think of mother and me often, I think of you and sometimes I am ready to cry aloud and really wish to be at home, ah happy home, where can be found a place like thee. I mean to learn the verses of home again when I am realy in that place for I find they are perfectly true, sister my happiest hours are in a place where no one is and think of home sweet home or take a testament and read of jesus christ and then kneel and pray to him, and I pray for thee that thou mayest have a new heart. I think I have obtained that. I often find comfort from prayer and if you would pray with your whole heart you would often find comfort when you could find it nowhere else. But here comes Louisa and says I must take a walk, so good bye. After reaching home, I wrote to my cousin Louisa Hale of Staten Island. My dear cousin. I beUeve I have not answered the letter you sent me a while ago, excuse me for I seem to like to play and ramble in the fields better than write. This summer has been unusually pleasant, it has not been very warm neither cold, but just right, in the spring however, it was quite cold after mother planted her seeds not one came up. I suppose you know that we have a little sister she is now five months old and weighs 19 pounds. She is 124 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS very heavy healthy and fat My brother is very wayward fat and healthy but not so fat as his sister. Mattie is 6 years old, lisps a little and in general is a good natured girl. I am the oldest and last. I am very well and would like to know if you are too. I suppose you go to school but I dont. Give my love to grandma. My mother's garden which is referred to in the above letter was a source of great pleasure to her and to the many neighbors who received from it floral gifts. A yellow Harrison rose grew near the entrance porch, not far from a sweetbriar rose. A climbing red rose, boorsault, I believe it was called, also a queen of the prairie, and a Baltimore belle encircled the veranda posts. "Jack" rosesand the old-fashioned blush were scattered here and there along the top of the terrace. A flower bed over which mother spent much time with trowel and small rake extended the whole way along the terrace. Here were daffodils and clumps of iris, together with a large variety of annuals, the seeds of which in this one cold spring failed to come up. Mignonette, monkshoods, zinnias, marigolds, lark- spurs, coltimbines, and pinks I distinctly remember. A flowering almond and a twin honeysuckle were in another bed at the side of the house which was de- voted to shrubs. Here were also two or three fine lilacs, including a white and a Persian. In the early PAST DAY 125 spring tulips came up, yellow and red. Once, with considerable ceremony, mother stuck a twig of weeping willow into the ground. It grew into a large tree and was always called mother's willow. The following is part of a letter written that same summer, of 1852, to my father who had gone to New Orleans on business and for his health. He had had a severe attack of inflammatory rheumatism. My dear father, I was very glad that you had such a nice time at New Orleans we have got 7 little chickens. We took a walk up Fox hill and saw a good many flowers. We have got a bossy calf. I went to the concert, (mis- sionary concert) last Sunday and I will tell you the stories, there was a little girl that went out very early one beautiful day and saw the dew on the grass and it looked beautiful and in the afternoon it was all gone and she asked her father where they were and he said they had gone up in the clouds, but at evening he called her to look at her drops, and she saw a rain- bow. A little boy was flying his kite one very dark evening when his teacher came up and asked him what he was doing, and he told her he was flying a kite and the teacher said he could not see any kite but he felt it pull. In the fall of that year I began to go to school. I think the first year the school was held in a house on the comer, opposite the hotel, upstairs, and 126 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS Miss Manning was the teacher. Later a drug- store occupied that building. The brick building on School Street was then in course of erection and was ready for occupation the following year. I do not remember in which school the following essay was written and read before the school, but it was in the year 1853, when I was ten years old. THE PLEASURES OF MAY May is one of the months of the year and a beautiful one it is. It has many pleasures some of which I will name, it has many flowers and children love to pick them. The grass is generally green and the great oak trees make a beautiful shade, the lambs also are gamboling and playing. We hear and see birds, some are blue, some red and some all colors it is a beautiful sight to see flowers peeping through the garden fences. There is a great variety of colors and they look more lively than if they were all of one color. Sometimes we have a beautiful shower and then a rainbow then the flowers look fresh, the grass looks greener and the trees hang with shining drops, the spring of water gives us beautiful drinks which refresh us. Ought we not to be thankful for so many pleasures? I think so. Let us all try to do good since God does so much to make us happy. XXVIII DEATH OF MY LITTLE SISTER My first really great affliction came with the death of my little sister Lizzie, when I was nearly nine years old. She was a winsome, happy little cherub, sweet of face, dainty and fairy-like in her ways, and she gladdened us with her presence for sixteen months. On a Saturday which I well remember, she was running and playing out of doors, the picture of health, while I watched her from a window where I sat sewing. The following day she sickened, and in the night of Wednesday, mother called me from my bed to see my sister for the last time. I had loved her so, and mother thought it well thus early, to impress my mind with serious things. Cholera infanttmi had wrecked this little life. In the sitting-room my father sat, holding the baby on a pillow in his lap. Tears were falling down his face. Mother was silently crying. The doctor, our warm, personal friend, was leaning his elbow on the man- 127 128 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS tel, his head turned away, and he too was weeping. Only the baby was still and calm, and the room was very quiet. Father said : ' * Take a last look at your little sister, for God is calling her to Himself, and the angel messenger is already here." I looked at the ceiling to see the angel messenger, but he was invisible. I do not think I cried. I was too frightened and awe-struck. I had known my baby was very ill, but had not thought she would really leave us. And now, she took no notice of me who could always bring a smile to her face. Soon mother led me away although I begged to stay. In my own room I fell upon my knees and prayed passionately that God would call his messenger back and let Lizzie get well. Then comforted, I got into bed and slept. Waking early in the morning, the house was dreadfully still, and with foreboding, I crept downstairs. Lying in her crib was the marble-like form of my little sister. With a scream I fell unconscious to the floor. I remember nothing of what followed . Mother told me afterward, that I was ill in bed for some days, and did not know of the funeral. When at last, my strength came back, I arose and went about listless and uninterested. The truth was, that not only was I terribly stricken with the loss of my darling, but that God had not DEATH OF MY LITTLE SISTER 129 heard my prayer and I no longer believed in what was called **the power of prayer." There must come a time in the life of every thinking and observing person, — ^it came early to me — when we realize that the world is governed by fixed laws, even in matters of life and death, and that our selfish and puny petitions have no effect upon the natural result. It is fortunate that we cannot turn the Almighty's blessed order into confusion. It is unfortunate that right views, consistent with the dignity of the Rtder of the Universe, and the habit of prayer, cannot be given to children, so that they shall not be surprised into distrust, when the sharp lessons of experience are learned. That view of the New Testament teaching which says that every prayer shall be answered, if only prayed fervently enough and with many repetitions, is pernicious. Prayer is communion between the heart of the great Unseen Spirit and our souls. It is not mainly comprised of requests, which often are childish and superstitious. Prayer is the get- ting acquainted with God. When mother discovered my state of mind, she talked gently with me about the grief shared by us both, about the sin of rebellion against God's will, and the necessity of perfect resignation to that will. She said that some day we would under- 130 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS stand all His ways which were dark to us now. It brought us very near to each other. Gradually I came to feel as she wished me to. All this hap- pened before I united with the church, and was, perhaps, more than anything else, a factor in the intense reKgious experience which I shall attempt to describe in the following pages. XXIX UNITING WITH THE CHURCH In the spring after Lizzie's death, unknown to mother, I called upon our pastor, told him of my longing to be a Christian, and asked him to pray with me. He did so, and he said that if my par- ents were willing I might come into the church. They, however, wished me to wait a year, rightly thinking that I was too young to imderstand the real meaning of the step I thought I was ready to take. Perhaps too, they discovered in my reli- gious aspirations a sense of the importance I might assume in being a conspicuous example of early piety. I think that, quite unconsciously, such a motive may have influenced me, especially as I recall that I told father I was sorry I had been baptized in infancy, as I would prefer to be now immersed. I wanted to be thorough. One thing that they did not discover was, that somehow, within the **fold, " I felt that I would be safer than if I remained longer without, and this thought 131 132 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS influenced me strongly. I waited a year, however, and then was permitted to have my wish. The next May, before I had completed my eleventh year, I walked up the church aisle alone, and responded audibly to the questions asked, "in the sight of God, angels, and men." I did not feel timid or reluctant, because I had worked myself up into a state of exaltation which made me oblivious of the congregation. Before meeting with the committee, father asked me to write a consecration of my whole life to God, adding a prayer that I might keep my church vows. He left me in a room alone to do this. I had no more idea what to write than a baby, but inmaedi- ately there was the temptation to put on paper something very fine. Seeing Doddridge's Rise and Progress in the book-case, I opened it and foimd two consecrations for yoimg converts. The first was much too long. So I copied the second, alter- ing here and there a word as I could without chang- ing the sense. I had not intended to pass this off as my own composition, but when father took it for that I let it stand. Seeing Doddridge lying on the table, he said : * * I see that you have f otmd help in this. You could not do better.** He turned to the two consecrations, and made me read miae while he compared it with first the one, then the UNITING WITH THE CHURCH 133 other. I said that I had partly copied the shorter one because it expressed my feelings better than anything I coiild have have written myself. He agreed that I would do well to live up to those words. I think he secretly admired my cleverness in finding a way out of a situation that he had made too hard for me. Father showed it to the minis- ter, adding that I had taken it mostly from the Rise and Progress, I was rather uncomfortable about this act, and felt that it was not appropriate to my tmion with the church, and soon after my admission destroyed my consecration. The committee before whom I went to be examined for fitness for the step I was about to take, consisted of the minister, father, another deacon, and two other men whom I have for- gotten. It was an ordeal which, I think, the committee found more embarrassing than I. Deacon Johnson asked me to relate the story of my conversion. I was confused and answered that I did not know when I was converted. My pastor endorsed this and added that it was the best kind of conversion when a child did not know when her religious life began; that I was, in fact, one of the Lord's little ones consecrated to God's service before my birth, who, by means of godly training and early developed conscien- 134 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS tiousness cotdd point to no moment of my life when my own will had not been in complete ac- cord with the Heavenly Father's. A few questions about what was in the church manual (which I had been instructed carefully to read), and I was admitted. For a time after this, I went about very serious and partly absorbed. I lec- tured my schoolmates about their duty, but soon the barrier of church membership between them and me melted away in the play of recesses and holidays, and my natural vivacity reasserted itself in the healthy processes of growth and play. XXX REUGIOUS IMPRESSIONS In trying to analyze my religious state at this time, if a child of ten years can be said to have a religious state, I find my conceptions due, mainly, to the teaching of the day, which tended to culti- vate the introspective faculty, and which con- stantly emphasized personal responsibility. A religion of fear and a rigid sense of duty domin- ated inclination and even emotion. One could not help sinning and all sin would be found out in the next world if not in this. Faith was the only thing that counted and faith was so difiScult to un- derstand. It seemed to be a voluntary act, yet was said to be God's gift. Our sins prevented us from exercising it. If it could be worked out like a problem in arithmetic, I would have been willing to take infinite pains to find the answer. I once asked father what faith was, and he tried to explain. I had read in a Sunday-school book of a girl who asked her father that question and he took her 135 136 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS to the top of the cellar stairs while he went to the bottom. He then called upon her to jump. **It is all dark," she said; *'I don't dare to jump." "Jump, my daughter," he commanded, and she gathered up her courage and jumped. He caught her in his arms and then told her that hers was an act of faith. I hoped that my father would illus- trate, in some such thrilling manner, faith, to me. I was no wiser after his verbal definition, although surely that was not his fatdt. Father gave me for a daily motto, the verse, "Thou God seest me." This became so vivid that, often in the midst of my romps and plays, I would suddenly think of that great eye fixed upon me, and would cease my play, go off by myself and ask myself in much disquiet, whether I had done or said any wrong thing. I remembered the prisoner who was placed in a cell with a hole in it through which an eye always looked. He was made insane by the awful punishment. In the Ten Commandments which I learned early and often repeated, it was said that God was "a jealous God, visiting the sins of the fathers upon the chil- dren unto the third and fourth generation." I asked my mother if I had to be punished for my grandparents' sins. She said, in my case, I had such good grandparents on both father's and RELIGIOUS IMPRESSIONS 137 mother's sides that I need not be troubled. My own shortcomings were enough for me to look out for. She added that parents and grandparents ought to be especially careful not to sin, as she had no doubt their descendants suffered from such sins. If a man got drunk they might also want to drink; or if he stole and was put in jail not only would his family suffer for want of his support, but they also might become thieves, since children had a tendency to grow up like their parents. This was my first lesson in heredity. Of course I was told that we should love God, and that ** perfect love casteth out fear.'* After a time, not discovering much love in my heart for God, I began to doubt my acceptance at the ** throne of grace," and wished someone would speak to me about my soul. During the vacations of our pastor, those who came to fill the vacancy stayed at our house. I often walked to Sunday evening meeting with our guest, the minister, and hoped he would become my confessor. One of them came near filling that office to me. He began, "My dear child,*' — now it is coming, I thought delightedly, only how these ministers ' ' dear child ' ' you. The question came, ' * Have you ever thought about your soul's salvation ? ' ' With- out premeditation I answered, **0h yes, I joined 138 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS the church last spring." Callously the minister said: **0h, I am so glad! How lovely it is to see our lambs coming so early into the fold. The church needs them. They will be saved many temptations which would beset them if they waited imtil late. And if all would thus come the future of the church would be insured." I was angry. He ought to have said: "That is not the question, my child. Many church members have no right to be there, having never experi- enced the true love of God. Is your heart right ? Are you among the redeemed who are saved by the precious blood of Christ?" That was what the minister in the Sunday-school book said to the little girl, also a church member, and she burst into tears, which I was ready to do, and said, as I would have said, ' * Oh, sir, I am afraid I have no right to be in the church, for my first love has grown cold, and I have no comfort in prayer or reading the Bible." After that, he would have talked comfortingly to me, and assured me that a lively view of my sins was necessary to a beUever whose first virtue should be humility, and that he was sure that I must be a true child of God. But nobody talked to me and I stumbled along as best I could. XXXI MEDICAL PRACTICE Since my infancy I had been troubled with enlarged tonsils which, at times, threatened to suffocate me. According to the medical practice of the day, blisters were produced on my neck by the application of a red ointment, also leeches were placed over the swollen parts to suck the blood. I well remember the worm-like things, from whose bodies, after they fell off, gorged, the doctor pressed out the blood, putting them in a bottle of water for future use. It seems to me we re- covered from our ailments and kept well in spite of the professors of medicine, rather than with their help. Blood-letting had not gone out of practice. I once held the basin while my mother was bled. Mother praised me, saying that she fainted when she was called upon for that service. As I never fainted in all my life, I sometimes wished I could accomplish that act, gracefully of course, when it would have been appropriate to the 139 140 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS occasion. If there is one thing more than another for which we should be most thankful to-day, it is for the advance made in practice of medicine, surgery, and general sanitation. Disease germs had not been discovered then, neither had anti- septic surgery come into use. Dentistry and all minor operations were performed without alleviation of pain, although only a few years later "laughing gas" was given by a lecturer to my class in natural philosophy in Wheaton Semi- nary to those members who cared to try it. I did so and danced slowly around the platform to the great amusement of other class members. And I seem to remember that chloroform was occasion- ally used in major operations. Of that I am not quite sure. From a letter written to my father in August, 1852, I take this extract: I am glad to tell you that both your children are better, so you need not come home to-night; I am about as well and nothing but the leech bites look bad; yesterday Mattie was some better, to-day she is better: the doctor still comes to see us and I took a ride with him yesterday about as far as two miles on a road I never saw before. We received your letter and had a little curiosity that you should write so soon. Mother told me not to write a long letter because she MEDICAL PRACTICE 141 should not, I must therefore draw my words to a close by saying that the children send their love, and as soon as you open it be careful for out will pop four kisses and smack you four times each, you must know that I made half the love and sent one kiss. Your affectionate chicken (as you sometimes call me). Among the letters of this time which have been preserved is one from mother to father. In it she tells of her struggles to convert her maids from the Roman Catholic faith. The feeling then of Protestants against Catholics was intense. I am sure my mother thought that the souls of her maids were committed to her care while they were with her, to be saved or lost as she did her duty by them. The letter says: The priest came yesterday and last night the girls went to confession, and after they came back I had a long talk with them on the subject, in which they were completely used up, and I think have had their thoughts set in a new train. I hope it may do them some good. But I am sure nothing but the Spirit of God can fathom and enlighten such ignorance. I can pray for them and sometimes I feel that is all I can do. Mother insisted that her maids should come to family prayers, but as this interfered with their breakfast hour, sometimes she compromised by making the rule applicable only on Sunday mom- 142 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS ings. She was taking her maid to church with her one Sunday when the priest came up the hill, grasped the poor thing who had no voice in the matter, by the arm, and marched her down the hill to his own church. That morning he gave out notice that no one in his parish should Uve in service with Mrs. Stickney, and for some time after, mother was obliged to obtain her maids from her own denomination. The maid in ques- . tJon was taken to the priest's house and her clothes were sent for. She never came back to us. XXXII VISIT TO NEW YORK The summer of 1853 was a memorable one for me, it being the time of my first long visit to New York. My aunts and step-grandmother had moved from Staten Island to 31st Street, New York City. A letter written to father in May of that year, just before the visit, says : The scarlet fever is round the town and I have had it, but I am well enough to go to school this morn- ing. . . . I suppose you would like to know how I get along with the piano I have learned all perfect that I was practising when you went away and half of a waltz. Mattie and I take turns sleeping with mother now you are gone and like it very well. The grass is growing very fast and the birds are beginning to sing and everything is so pleasant that I think recess is the best part of school, the gooseberrys are leaved out finely, and so are the currants, and Mrs Roses cherries are blossomed. This letter is signed Caroline. About this time I felt that a more dignified name than Carol 143 144 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS (I was nearly ten years old), would suit me better. Later, in my teens, I called myself Lina, but that name never took very well in the family, and father compromised with Carrie which has been my fa- miliar name since. In a long correspondence with one of my schoolmates who moved to Hartford, I called myself Jacob, while she was Ruth. The principal reason why I went to New York was that my throat remained diseased, and I was taken to a surgeon who, with an instrument like a pair of scissors, cut off the tonsils and put them into a bottle of brandy where they swelled like a sponge and appeared most formidable. I took no anaesthetic, and sat quiet while first one, then the other, was cut. I well remember how sore my throat was for some days after, but the trouble was cured. Dentistry was also an object of the visit, and was well done by Doctor Hawes on, I think, Spring Street. After that, at the invitation of my aunts, I was left for a three months' visit. Mother's youngest half- sister was only ten years older than I, and she considered herself responsible for much of my upbringing. In my thoughts she figured as the personification of the world of culture and fashion, in short of dashing young ladyhood. I often wished I could get rid of my country manners, and VISIT TO NEW YORK 145 be stylish, like her! At the beginning of this visit, she made for me a plaid, green silk dress, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I had, also, a new parasol, and, to crown all, a pair of gray kid gloves. Oh the pleasant smell of those first kid gloves! To this day I love gray kids, and their scent carries me back to a proud little girl who walked the streets of the great city or rode in the **bus" to the Battery and back quite alone, dressed in green silk and perfectly gloved. As my aunt was stud3ring the piano under a German professor, it was thought well for me to have a few lessons from the same teacher. He smelt of boot-blacking and knocked my knuckles with a lead pencil. Once I ran from the room and absolutely refused to take another lesson. My father continued to be my only teacher for many years, and surely a daughter might have had a worse. For whatever I did, it seemed wonderful to him and he predicted a fine musical future for me. Among other delights of this visit to New York was a girls* gymnasium, of which I became a member and where I performed wonderful stunts of juinping and climbing. My springboard jimip was considered a quite star per- formance, being equaled by none other of the class. And I climbed high to the ceiling on all sorts of curious ladders, coming down swinging tmdemeath, zo 146 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS holding on by my hands alone. My free life at home had made me an expert in climbing, also at swinging on parallel bars, and my muscles were well developed. There were some matters about which I did not need to blush before my city relatives. Our speech at home was correct, as our parents were very care- ful of their own conversation, allowing no slang or ungrammatical talk. Certain common expressions, as ''guess" for "think," '*fix" for ''arrange," and * ' you know, ' ' disgusted father. He would say, * * No, I do not know, and if I did, you would not need to tell me." Pather was something of a philosopher, and many of his sayings occur to me now and then. When we complained of the weather or circum- stances generally, he would say, * * Let us be thankful that it is no worse with us than it is. ' ' When we said that we did not mean to do certain wrong things, he would say, ' ' Did you mean not to do it ? " If we pleaded lack of time, he would tell us: 'You have all the time there is; the President of the United States has no more." Pather was a great reader and mother had had a girls' seminary education. We children had no excuse for being lax in our speech or careless in our writing. Pather said that mother was ' ' a natural bom speller, ' ' and there was no need to refer to a dictionary when she was near. XXXIII THE HIGH SCHOOL The school which I now attended, became an important part of my life. In the new high school, I was admitted to the youngest class. I sat with other small children in the front row of desks. These were double and we could choose our seat- mates. Back of me sat about one hundred and fifty boys and girls, graduated in age and acquire- ments to the senior class of which I stood much in awe and who occupied the last rows of desks. One of our principals had a projecting front tooth. His name was Mr. Cannon. A paper was written by the seniors and read every Saturday morning. Among the jokes was this, *'A tooth from the mouth of a cannon. '* This was the occa- sion of a dreadful scene. When the offended principal inquired who had perpetrated this piece of malicious fun, a boy in the rear of the room stood and confessed. Mr. Cannon dragged him by his coat collar to the front, tore off the boy's coat, 147 148 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS and began to chastise him furiously. Other boys sprang to the rescue and there was a free-for-all fight, in which the master was knocked to the floor and well potmded. We small children looked on much frightened. School was dismissed and Mr. Cannon departed with clothes torn and nose bleed- ing. He soon left town, the assistant taking his place for a short time. It was an era in which whipping for small offenses, even failures in recita- tions, was the prevalent mode of punishment. The master often had to prove his physical superiority by overcoming a mob of boys before he could estab- lish successful discipline. I have seen boys made to stand on one foot for a stated time, while every time the culprit dropped his other foot to the floor he felt the teacher's whip. The dunce cap was in use in my day, and a stupid boy was made to wear it, kicking his heels in a comer. Mr. Cannon was succeeded by a very popular principal, Mr. Strong, kind, gentlemanly, and helpful. When the boys liked the teacher there was nothing they would not do to help him in his discipline. I was once sent to the principal's private room, I think, for whispering. I was much frightened, but Mr. Strong was very kind and only said that I must be a good girl and obey the rules, and set a right example, for, he said, we THE HIGH SCHOOL 149 all, even so young a child as I, had influence for good or ill. I promised and was liberated. Once the sweet lady assistant kept me after school and talked with me for a few minutes while I continued obdurate and sulky. Finally she burst into tears as she said, **Why don't you help me instead of making it hard for me? " I put my arms around her neck and wept with her as I promised to be a model of good behavior. And I kept my promise so well that she used to smile at me and call me her little assistant. This teacher was Miss Gilfillan, a dear, sweet woman, incapable of a harsh word, and much too gentle for us half -tamed youngsters. One of my letters to my father, dated June, 1852, ended with the startling announcement : I have heard said there is going to be a caravan to day behind the tavern, and that Mr Strong has paid 10 dollars for the four schools to march down and stay from 4 in the afternoon till 6, folks say there is to be one rhinoceros. No wonder Mr. Strong was popular. After Mr. Strong, Mr. Turner came, an excel- lent man who held the position as long as I re- mained in the school. He was rather slow, and anything but brilliant, but, on the whole, was liked by his pupils. In his morning prayer (schools were opened with reading of Scripture and prayer 150 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS in those days), he used often to say, "We are prone to do evil as the sparks are prone to fly upward. *' It was a puzzle to me for a long time, what prone meant, as to my mind it suggested, Ijring down. He would petition that "we might come to our last day on earth like a shock of com fully ripe for the grave.*' To my mind a shock was appropriate to death, but why com should be "ripe for the grave, '* I could not imagine. When the committee came in to examine us, always an exciting time, Mr. Turner would write upon the black-board for us to parse, this sentence, "A man of straw was prostrated." We had this so many times that we, naturally, became expert in its an- alysis. " 'Man* is the subject; *was prostrated' is the predicate. *A man of straw' is the logical sub- ject. *Man ' is limited by the indefinite article ' a ' and by the phrase, *of straw,' " etc. I always had a mental picture of the wretched creature lying on the ground. While this teacher was writing on the blackboard, he wotdd tell us that he had eyes in the back of his head, and that no mischief could escape his notice simply because his back was turned to us. I fully believed this, and sought for the eyes hidden in the mass of reddish hair which clustered around his head. Por, suddenly, he would turn around and catch the sceptical boy ?t THE HIGH SCHOOL 151 some mischief. A punishment would invariably follow, and not always a light one. It seemed as if a teacher's especial duty was to surprise a pupil in whispering, — the cardinal sin, — or other misdemeanor, and punish him for it. There was a sort of rivalry between teacher and scholar as to how many rules could be broken by the one without discovery by the other. After I was married, my husband and I taught in the Mt. Auburn Young Ladies' School, near Cincinnati, and I was given an intermediate grade where four classes were seated for study and work. I had no rules except that my recitations must not be disturbed. Nobody could have had a quieter room of seventy-five girls, or a pleasanter, happier set of pupils. But boys are said to be harder to manage than girls. I have taught both and think not. The business of a teacher is to teach, and nearly all children, even the very young, can acquire loyalty to the ideals of the school and be given a reasona- ble amount of liberty. But a method without rules and punishment, would have been accounted madness in my day. In winter the boys used to draw the girls to the Rockville school on their sleds. Great was the rivalry among us girls to have as our devoted 152 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS swain, the boy with the largest and swiftest sled. For some years George Henry Lewis had what I considered the finest sled with smooth, bright runners. He lived among the hills two miles east of us and had far to come. He would often call for me, tuck me up on the sled, and draw me to school. Our sessions were two, the first lasting from nine till twelve, the second from one till four. One recfess of fifteen minutes broke each session, giving us time to eat the big apples which formed an im- portant part of the curriculiun. In winter if we were detained, it was dark before we reached our homes. The fun was great on stormy days when but few scholars were present and the regularity of class work was suspended. Then we would cuddle around the stove, dry our boots and talk with each other, all rules being off for the day. Once the boys put red pepper on the stove and drove us all home again. I was seldom absent or tardy, the latter being an especial disgrace. Heavy snow- storms and deep drifts did not deter me. During morning devotions, doors were locked and late comers had to stand, shivering, in the cold cloak- rooms until all were admitted, a shame-faced lot. We did good work in this school which I attended until my fifteenth year. Arithmetic was my favorite study, compound fractions, and partial THE HIGH SCHOOL 153 payments being especially delightful. When a difficult problem was given out, several of us were allowed to sit together in one of the small side- rooms, and compare results. We were thorough believers in co-education. An occasional lunch- eon on watermelon or cheese and crackers did not hinder our pencils from flying as we considered the intricacies of clock problems; foxes chased by hounds in which the fox always had a good start, but fell a victim in the end; fields of curious shapes surrounded by fences of which we had to compute the cost including labor; boxes of half- inch wood very complicated in the comers, of which we had to estimate the amount of lumber required; also carpets of stated widths, whose lengths and cost we had to find, when fitted to oddly shaped rooms, — all these and many others, ingenious and puzzling, were found in Greenleafs Arithmetic, and in the "Teacher's Book without Answers." Our finest mathematicians were two of the boys, Herbert James and Fenelon McCollum, but some of the girls, although slower, were almost as accu- rate. Of one of these boys the story with regard to his powers of concentration was proudly told that once, when he was solving a problem, a thunder- shower passed over the coimtry without his know- 154 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS ledge. Both these old friends are still living successful, busy lives. Besides arithmetic we studied grammar according to the old methods, and geography with large wall maps over which we traced with pointers, while we repeated in a sing-song tone of voice, the names of the bays, lakes, rivers, and mountains of the world. Reading and writing were given a prominent place, and our copy-books taught us nuggets of wisdom while we shaped the letters according to the Spencerian standard. Thus we learned that "Honesty is the best Policy'* and "The Good, the Virtuous, and the True alone are Happy." A blot was unpardonable. Spelling, in which we often had contests, two of the best spellers choosing sides and spelling each other down, was thoroughly taught. Com- positions were written and read after being criti- cized, and the boys "spoke pieces" gesturing according to the sweeps of the arm pictured in Lovell's Young Speaker. No languages were taught, and as father wished me to learn Latin, I took lessons from our minister. In the modem sense of the word, this was not a graded school, but we accomplished good results, and enjoyed more fun than the pupils do in a more strictly classified school. When it was left THE HIGH SCHOOL 155 to the pupils to determine whether we should have a Saturday holiday, we voted to continue the morning session, thus forcing the poor teachers to be on duty half the day. We compromised by allowing "Miscellaneous Exercises'* to be given on that day, and we admitted visitors to hear our compositions and dialogues. Recess was half an hour long, and we might be dismissed a little early. Further concessions we refused to make. In one dialogue which was called ** When the Cat's asleep the Mice will Play," I was selected to be the teacher of a school. I wore spectacles and a big cap, and, of course, I was armed with a whip. In the course of the play I fell asleep, a fact which was announced by loud snores. The pupils re- presented the mice and performed antics which were astonishing. The teacher suddenly awoke and brandishing the whip, quickly restored order. My success in this was so pronoimced that I con- cluded I had much histrionic ability, which, later, I hoped to prove on the stage of some wicked theatre. The very word theatre was spoken with bated breath, since it stood for the worst wiles of Satan. But I determined that if ever I should be where there was a theatre, and I could go imob- served, I would have a seat in some dark comer and see this forbidden thing. XXXIV INFLUENCE OF REVOLUTIONARY TIMES While at this school, we were not so far removed, in time, from the Revolutionary War, but that its incidents figured largely in our reading books and school songs. One verse of the latter I remember, with the tune. Oh take your taxes home, King George, The tyrant's rule is o'er. We love our cup of tea full well, But we love our freedom more. Then overboard it goes, my boys, Where darkling waters roar: We love our cup of tea full well, But we love our freedom more. Some of the titles of our ieading>book selections were, "Our Native Land"; "You Cannot Conquer America," by Earl Chatham; "The War Song": "Battle of Bunker Hill"; "Strike for Liberty"; "Adams and Jefferson"; "Glory of Washington"; and "The Flight of the Muskogee Indian.'* There 156 REVOLUTIONARY TIMES 157 were many others of the same character, selections which, I fancy, in the ctiltivation, not only of pa- triotism, but of good literary style, would compare well with the selections found in school readers to-day. To us Washington was the greatest of men, and he figured largely in our elders' conversation. To him we owed our freedom from the ** tyrant. '* We did not love the English people very well, but the French and Lafayette were clothed with romance. I have been in houses where the grandfather was still living, who had fought in the war, and who pointed with pride to old muskets and powd^- homs which had seen service against the EngUsh soldiers ; but which then hung harmless against the wall. And was there ever an old, moss-grown well, deep and dark, in country farm-yards, at which Washington has not drunk ? My mother had an old table made of solid cherry, which belonged to Revolutionary times. It was given to her grandmother at that lady's marriage, and was the table at which my mother and her grandmother ate their meals when my mother lived with her. The legend about this table, related by mother, as told by her grandmother, was, that once some valuable town papers (the town was Coventry, Ct.) were brought to Mrs. 158 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Hale with the request that she should hide them from the redcx)ats. She placed them in the drawer of the table, spread the cloth, and arranged the dishes for the meal in progress of preparation. While she and her husband were eating, the soldiers came and demanded permission to search the house. "Gentlemen,** said the courtly lady, •'search the house if you must, but you will par- don us if we do not accompany you, but continue eating our supper.** The papers were kept safe until the war was over. It is more than probable that Nathan Hale, the glorious spy, has sat at this table. The staimch old piece of furniture is now among my most cherished possessions. I was so fond of teaching that, when very young, I kept an imaginary school by entering a list of made-up names in a book, and when I had time, by "playing school. ** I would call the classes out, going through with the lessons and carefully mark- ing perfect or imperfect. I kept the attendance daily for a year or so, asking Annie why Fannie was absent, or why Lucinda was tardy. Some- times I would forget to keep school until after I had gone to bed. Then I would softly arise, so as not to wake Mattie, mark the attendance of my scholars, and announce a holiday as reward for good behavior. REVOLUTIONARY TIMES 159 When I was fourteen years old, father, who was the school committee, gave me a real little school to teach of about twenty small children, an over- flow from the large intermediate department. The only thing I distinctly recall about this was an experience with a little German boy. He refused to do something that I required (I have forgotten what), and I kept him after school, telling him that neither he nor I would go home until he had complied with my wishes. He sat stolidly in his little chair. Six o'clock came and father entered to see what was the matter. When I stated the case, he offered to bring me supper. I refused. The nine o'clock bell struck (the mills rang their bells nine times at that hour), and the boy and I had sat long in darkness and silence. Then my little rebel said, ''Well, if I must, I must. " The conflict was over and we both went home. A good, hot supper was awaiting me, with mother's sympathy, while father said I could not have done otherwise. The school existed for one term only. I received forty doUars as my reward, my first proud earnings. XXXV EXTRACTS FROM MY JOURNAL I HAVE come across a ''journal," kept in the years 1853 Q^d 1854, ^ ^^ old cast-off account- book of my father's. He had used the first pages in 1831, a date which appears on the cover. As my writing was done with lead pencil, it is much faded, and at times almost unreadable. Some extracts from this endeavor to put my feelings on paper will show my efforts to be reUgious. Every good young man or woman about whom one read, kept a journal or diary, and made of it a most intimate friend. When these good young people died their lives and journals were published, and thus a type was formed of what a truly pious person must be. I remember that it was quite a task to keep this daily record when my life was uneventful, but I stuck to it and tried to be sincere. I give some of the extracts exactly as they were written, without apologizing for their apparent priggishness and insincerity. They are a true 160 EXTRACTS FROM MY JOURNAL i6i picture of the girl of those times. I was eleven years old when these reviews of sermons and my own comments were written, with occasional records of my doings. To-day school commenced. I went. I cannot describe it. I study Grammer, Geography and Arith- metic. Our minister came to dinner. Wednesday. Went to school. The second day is not much to do and I wrote a letter. Mr Rice, (the minister), says he shall give his lecture on the Isle of Wight next week. Went to meeting. Mr Rice made some interesting remarks about doing good. He urged us very much to do good. Saturday. November 8th. School did not keep at all, and I found plenty of work to do at home. Went to singing school in the evening with Annie, and as it rained very hard we had a great time getting home. In the fall of this year it was decided that mother should go to a doctor hving in Fair Haven, in search of rest and health. From her girlhood mother had suffered much from nervous headaches. These headaches were growing worse. How the dear soul kept about her daily duties with her forehead creased with pain, I do not know. She never complained and could always smile. When she was fairly disabled she would go to her darkened IZ i62 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS room and remain in bed for hours, or even a whole day. At those times we children had to be quiet, for "mother had a headache." I think her stay for three months with the physician benefited her and that the pain was not so severe after her return. But the trouble was never whoUy relieved until her death in 1885. When mother left us I wrote in my journal : Nov. 1 2th. To-day mother went and we are left alone, father went to Hartford with her. I can hardly be reconciled to the parting, and when we were singing at worship "Father whatere of earthly bliss" etc. I could not enter into the spirit of that beautiful hymn, however if God will restore her to health it will pay for all. Mr Rice gave a lecture this evening on the Isle of Wight. It was very interesting describing the natural beauties of it which must be beautiful and giving a short history of "Little Jane the Dairy- man's Daughter," tracts by L. Richmond. Nov. 13th. Second day without mother. I am housekeeper. I hope we shall get along and trust we shall. Father thought I had better not go to meeting and so I lost my great day for that it is and every week I need something to sustain me like this. Nov. 15th. Mr Allen from Hartford had the sing- ing school in the schoolhouse this afternoon. After that Mr Turner gave us some problems on the board and then we had a race home. Another singing school this evening. EXTRACTS FROM MY JOURNAL 163 Dec. 1st. It looks really like winter. The walking is not very good, but rather hard work getting to school. Mother is getting along very well. Went to hear Dr. Bethune lecture on Epidemics. He spoke very well but rather lengthy. i}4 hours long. Dec. 3rd. To-day the weather was so bad that we took our dinners and nearly all the school staid at noon. We read compositions to-day. mine was on the fading leaf, all of them were very good. One was "Life is short and my composition is short too. " Jan. 6th. The Lord's Day. Yes it is indeed the Lord's Day, and it is a source of rejoicing to me that it is so, that it is not our own but the Lord's and I should not do anything inconsistent with that, but should strive to spend the whole time in the delightful exer- cises of God's worship. How nice it seems to me this morning to go to church and see our minister in the pulpit. He preached upon Isaiah 53:11. He shall see of the travail of his soul and be satisfied. Mr Rice said that the sujBEering of Christ was his travail and he would think it all worth while when he sees the results. I need not say that the sermon was good for my soul, for my dear journal you cer- tainly know that what Mr Rice says is that. The sacrament of the Lord's Supper was held in our church this afternoon, and I have striven to prepare myself for it. God grant that I did not eat and drink unworthily thus bringing judgment upon myself, and that it was in a right frame of spirit that I went to the table of my Lord. My soul is refreshed and strengthened and I feel enabled once more to press on to the duties of the week. The communion season is a blessed i64 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS one to all believers and it does help ns on in the christian warfare much more than others wotild think. It comes so seldom that we prize it the more. This from a child of eleven years! I remember that I was given a set of questions to ask myself, in order to prove my worthiness to go to the Com- mtmion table. I have not a copy of these ques- tions, but I must have answered them in a manner satisfactory to myself, else I would not have dared to go. A month later I find this written in my journal. Can I not learn from a few golden clouds that appear in the west, that as the dark clouds pass away and leave the beautiful clouds, so all my trials and afflictions bring out the virtues of religion; and may the dark clouds pass away and leave everjrthing bright. I will learn to think more of Christ and less of the world, he is my strength and on him would I rest for he is my anchor as well in the great storm as in the great calm. And may God give me the will and I shall find the way to glorify him. May this be my motto that whether I eat or drink, or whatever I do, it may be all to the glory of God. And as Mr Rice says, may the glorious rest be mine which he hath promised to his followers. There is a thing that troubles me very much, that is sin, and well it might, for I am con- stantly pained by seeing myself fall so far short of the command Be ye perfect even as your father in heaven is perfect. But I am comforted by the thought that if I faithfully resist the devil here, in my glorious EXTRACTS FROM MY JOURNAL 165 rest this most melancholy evil will trouble me no more. There the strife will cease and all will be peace, peace, a heavenly peace. Oh how delightful. I will strive to attain this glorious end. The worid, like the flesh and the devil, stood vaguely for evil, for that which was hostile to "growth in grace. " It was all to be resisted and put away. Here are other choice extracts : I do not feel very well and I suppose I write as I feel. Went out to the barn and laid down on the hay and ate oats like a horse, and it felt far better than lying on the sofa. I have decided this week to see as many of the schol- ars in our class and inquire why they do not attend better. There were only two present yesterday and I do not understand it ! Witnessed a most glorious sunset this evening. The sun was almost a ball of fire and the horizon was very dark so that as it dropped slowly behind the hills it presented a very singular appearance. Above there were red clouds and still farther up long distant golden clouds some sirrus, some nimbus, etc. still further up were wreathy white clouds, and in the east, north and as far as could be seen was one dark cloud ready to drop rain. Mr Rice's sermon this morning was on Brotherly Love. First he said what is brotherly love, it is not philanthropy for that is really pity and extends to all men however vile they may be, while brotherly love extends only to christians, to those only whp are i66 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS followers of our God. And whether black or white, congregationalists or Anninians, if they be true christians it is our duty to love them because they are christians and in a measure like Christ. What is the measure of brotherly love was his next remark, and the answer is given in the text as I have loved you. Who can measure the love that left the joys of heaven and came upon this earth, suffered immeasurable things and died a cruel death for us and is continually watching over us with tender solicitude. And we are required to love our brethren like that it is a love higher than heaven, deeper than hell, and as lasting as eternity. This love will lead us to perform many acts of kindness such as visiting them when in sickness or in prison and to be faithful in reproving them when necessary. Repentance is lasting and endures to eternal life. Some of the benefits of a broken and crushed heart are, first the willingness to hear the doctrines of the cross preached about. That soul is very htunble and takes sides with God against himself. Another good comes from a contrite and crushed heart it is the great peace and happiness which attends it, he has God for his friend and what has he to fear he has no fear of the world to come and consequently none of death while the opposite feelings make us unhappy and afraid of God's wrath. All my childhood through, I was terribly afraid of death. By such words as the above in my jpumal, I tried to deceive myself into believing I had no such fear. I meant to be so good that EXTRACTS PROM MY JOURNAL 167 God would be forced to give me a long life, or an easy death should that come. Mr Rice addressed the children of the Sunday School and told them of the New England primer and said that in the days of our grandfathers and grandmothers there were only thirteen books adapted at all for children published and the New England Primer was the only religious book. That now there were four thousand published all for youth. He said that as we were so much more privileged than they surely we should make good use of our privileges, for unto whom much is given much shall be required and if we neglect to get all the good we can we shall be beaten with many stripes. Here is a picture of the God common in the preaching of those days which might well make old and young alike to tremble. Where was the Father of Love as revealed by Christ? The doom to which the sinner goes is most dreadful. Not only God's wrath but the fierceness of his wrath shall be poured upon him. They will be shut up in black despair through all eternity. The fierceness of God's wrath is dreadful beyond comprehension. That roaring lion which goes about the world seeking whom he may devour stands ready to seize him as soon as God gives permission. And he declares that when their calamities come up to him he will laugh at them. When we think of the length of their punishment it is still more dreadful when ages of years have passed away they will still say in despair this is only an atom i68 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS of what is to come there is still the same round to go through of awful remorse. Oh what a warning to the impenitent and if they slight it they will be subject to a fury of a God which is inconceivably dreadful. I wish that all who are yet far from God could have heard that sermon they could not help at least think- ing. Mr Rice was very impressive in his delivery. May that sermon do much good and cause many to stop and tremble before going further. Mr Rice said that God is the adversary of the impenitent and if he does not reconcile with him quickly the time may be very short and he will be summoned to trial. This day has been a feast of fat things to my soul. XXXVI BIBLICAL INSTRUCTION My apology for bringing to light these foolish writings in a childish diary is that they open up a picture of the past, when God's wrath and eternal punishment were the favorite and lurid themes of the pulpit. To a daughter of the Puritans who heard these words solenmly endorsed at home, (my father required us on Sunday afternoons or evenings to repeat as much as we could remember of the sermons we had heard during the day, with comments of his own), these awful characteriza- tions of the Divine Father could make * * a feast of fat things for her soul. " Of course I did not know what I was writing. I know that I felt outside the circle of those wicked unbelievers (usually spoken of as **the impenitent'*)* b^it doubtless there was a delicious thrill in my heart over the possible danger to a good child. For, after all, nothing in the future was absolutely sure. I am aware of the danger of clothing my early 169 I70 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS • reminiscences with subtle motives and psychologi- cal intentions which did not exist at the time. I do not claim that they did exist, only that I thought they did. The proof is in the journal. The quotations I have made from the old account-book are literal copies and less unbelievable than some others which I might have chosen. I wrote with utter seriousness and sincerity what I thought was pious and appropriate. In my own immature fashion I was trjring to solve the age-long problems of sin, forgiveness, the relations of God to man, and how best to please Him. In other respects I was an ordinary child, faulty enough, but, in the main, amiable and obedient to authority. Our minister, Mr. Rice, (I am giving his true name), was a sincere and able pastor of our church for about five years. His preaching was prompted by a sense of duty. He loved children and was helpful to them. He was a constant visitor in the schools and offered prizes for improve- ment in reading and composition. How well I recall him ! He was tall, with stooping shoulders, angular and somewhat awkward in his movements, near-sighted so that he often failed to recognize his friends even when wearing strong glasses. His nose was large, and the spectacles rested in a sort of natural niche between his eyes. His forehead BIBLICAL INSTRUCTION 171 was high, his hair rather thin and worn somewhat long. His complexion was as clear as a girl's. When his broad mouth smiled his e3cpression was apostolic. He often came to our house, stayed to tea (part of his pastoral duty in those days), and led the family devotions before going home. There was a Mrs. Rice, but she seldom went out and I cannot recall her. One tall daughter, a little younger than myself, used to visit me and we walked together. She was too serious to romp, being a minister's daughter. We would make daisy chains or links of pine needles, or we would hunt for birds' nests. Mary Rice knew more about birds than I did. One spring I learned and recited to Mr. Rice, in a class of girls, the Gospel of Luke. Those of us who finished the task received a Bible. I also learned and recited several chapters of St. John's Gospel. Many of these, as the fifteenth of Luke and the fourteenth of John I can still repeat. I was quick at memorizing and nearly as quick in forgetting. Consequently my school lessons never troubled me, but examinations were my dread. One entry in my journal says I had too little to do in school, and therefore asked to join the class in physiology. One of the earliest tasks which my father set for 172 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS us was to learn the names of the books of the Bible in their order. He said it was disgraceful not to be able to turn at once to Hosea, for example, or Amos or First Corinthians. It was a Sunday game to see which of us, including mother, could first find a given chapter and verse which father would name. At the morning family worship (never omitted for any reason whatever) , we read the Bible consecutively, from beginning to end, every member of the circle reading two verses. We never skipped a verse, not even the jaw-breaking lists of names, the laws of Leviticus or the wretched stories found in parts of the **Word of God." I learned, also, the names of the judges, pointing to the fingers of each hand and the features of my face. Thus, Othniel, Ehud, Deborah, Shamgar, Gideon, belonged to the fingers of the left hand. Abimelech, Tola, Jair, Jephthah, Ibzan, were counted off on the fingers of the right hand. Elon, Abdon, belonged to mouth and nose, Samson to hair, Eli and Samuel to eye and ear. To this day I could scarcely repeat without mistake the names of the judges unasso- ciated with fingers and features. With each one of the judges, we also learnt some interesting fact, as that Jair had thirty sons who rode on thirty ass's colts, and had thirty cities. Jair and thirty seemed synonymous. We could repeat the names of the BIBLICAL INSTRUCTION 173 kings of Judah and Israel, and tell which were good and which evil. We could give the generations, beginning with Adam, Seth, Enos, Canaan, etc., to Abraham and thence to David. It was the age of the Old Testament, and the stories therein became as famiUar as the history of Rome is to children to-day. My father was especially fond of Elijah and Elisha. He said they ranked with the grandest of the world's heroes. He did not believe the tale of the two bears which killed the children who mocked Elisha. He said no good man would revenge himself on children. There might have been bears in the country at that time, and they might have eaten some children, but not at the prophet's bidding. He admitted that not all the Bible stories were trust- worthy history. Higher criticism was unknown, but father was eminently sensible and thought a natural explanation might be found for the fall of the walls of Jericho, and for some, at least, of the plagues of Egypt. It was his opinion that no unnecessary miracle was ever worked when the same result could have been obtained by natural means. If children are not made familiar with the ancient Jewish writings when young, they will, probably, never know a literature, which, whether divinely inspired or not, is profoundly interesting 174 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS and important. The systematic teaching must be given by father or mother. Sunday-schools come short of regular instruction, from the natiu*e of the case, as they can consider only a few verses of Scripture once a week. Young children never fail to be interested in Old Testament stories, when the application is made subordinate to the his- tory. For example, thorough work on Genesis would take a year, but after such study the pupils could tell the incidents in their own words, would know the customs of the household, the nomadic life of the tent, the importance of wells in settling countries, the geography of Palestine and Egypt, the legends of the founding of important cities and nations, methods of warfare, and the history including the call of Abraham, his noble character as "the friend of God," and the origin and first growth of the Hebrew people. While I considered, when a child, my father's Sunday afternoons in the light of bores, especially when he added to the Bible lesson a chapter of Baxter's The Saint's Everlasting Rest, yet I thankfully remember that our memories were stored with Biblical literature at a time when it was interesting and even amusing. These lessons of father's took the place of the second church service after that was abolished. XXXVII MORE OF THE JOURNAL Sept. 30th, 1854. There is a northeast storm raging and I am afraid it will prove disastrous on water. Mr Lathrop fell from a wagon and bruised his arm dreadfully besides breaking it. They had hoped he would not lose his arm, but now it has all mortified and to-day it was amputated. Oct 2nd. This morning there was quite a hard frost. Mattie and I went to call on Mrs Martin. We feasted on grapes and had a good farmer's dinner which was very nice. I found a large thorn, nearly a foot long. Mother and I went to prayermeeting. It was very good although only a few were present. Once a week I go where my faith is strengthened. It lasts from one Thursday to another and then I go and get helped and succored. Oct. 3. Poor Mr Lathrop. His friends are afraid he cannot live. He is insane and in a bad condition. Oct. 6. Mr Lathrop died yesterday morning 2}i. He was buried this morning at ten oclock. Father went. 175 176 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS Oct. 9th. Miss Rogers came to see us and we walked to the Pine grove. She was as much pleased as I was and we had a pleasant time. We found a great many kinds of brake and other green leaves. I am crocheing a collar and work mostly on it now. Mr Simms baby is dead. It is well for he would always have been a suffering infant had he lived. Finished Dred, Mrs Stowe's book. I like it very well but not as well as her other one. Oct 22 . The jack O lanterns are in their prime now. We have a good number which we hang on the trees and astonish the natives or passers by. At the meeting to-night Mr Rice chose for a subject the Holy Spirit and explained it to me very plainly. Dr. Risley spoke of the comfort of the Spirit and father of the scriptures being written by him. To-day I have a cold and had to stay in the house. While mother is away I am housekeeper. Mr Rice remarked to me that I had taken the yoke upon me early. I said it was no yoke, and certainly it is a very pleasant one. I am very happy to-day for God has answered my prayers and forgiven my sins and said go in peace. I believed he would answer my prayer and he has not disappointed me. He never appeared so lovely, so holy, so full of mercy as now. Oh the blessed thought that Christ is my shepard and I one of his lambs. Though I have wandered far from the fold he has graciously received me back again to his love and favor. I have consecrated myself anew to MORE OP THE JOURNAL 177 God. Henceforth all my life, all my talents are to be devoted to the cause of Christ. May I be the humble but happy instrument of winning some soul to Christ, this is to be my aim. Mr Rice gave me two tracts, one entitled ** Marks of true Repentance. *' the other *'To those commencing a Christian Life." I have read them with a great deal of pleasure. Mr Rice said we must regulate our conduct as becometh the gospel of Christ and some of the things we should practice are Consistency Steadfastness and Self Denial. I must remember all this and try to do all things to the glory of God. This afternoon it was a very powerful sermon upon Where sin abounded grace did much more abound. The subject was John Bunyan and he showed forth very strikingly the fact of sin abounding but grace superabounded. He has visited his grave and learned considerable about him in his travels. He encouraged all men to flee to Christ for there was probably few men equalling in wickedness John Bunyan. The sermon this morning was upon run speak to that young man. Zechariah 2. 4. he urged the impor- tance of speaking to the impenitent youth, especially young men. He said that all the young and old rich and poor had an influence over some heart. In the afternoon father went with Mrs Rose while Mattie and I walked to the graveyard. They went to select a suitable spot for our lot and we children hunted for flowers, found quite a pretty bouquet and when father went home we took a walk in the cows pasture found a new path which we explored till we came into open grounds. At the evening meeting Mr Rice gave some of the brethren portions of the world to report about at the monthly concert. za 178 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS The spot selected for "our lot" was in the most beautiful part of the grove bordering the cemetery, at the edge of a hill which descended steeply to the mill-pond. The hill was thickly covered with trees. Birds sang in this quiet spot, squirrels ran about, flowers that love the still woods grew and blossomed, little ants and bees made homes along the banks. Here both my parents are buried, and four Uttle mounds mark the graves of foiu* of mother's babies. This was a beautiful evening and I enjoyed it by staying out of doors and looking at the stars. Father was very unwell he ate too many cherries probably and was tired. Did not go out of the house at all. I spent the day sewing reading picking peas raspberries etc. I have read considerable of Hiawatha and like it very much. Elizabeth Holmes called on me this morning. She is the one I got to go to the Sunday School. She hurt herself in the mill and could not work. We sung songs together though not very pretty for our voices do not cord together very well. She is a queer girl and I do not know her yet well enough to express an opinion. In the evening I played backgammon and watered the flowers. Who should come in to see us but my aunt Charlotte. After breakfast we walked down to the post oflSce. Coming back we stopped at the paint shop and got some paint mixed. She is making some beautiful MORE OP THE JOURNAL 179 vases, they are glass with some pictures pasted on them and then painted blue all over. They are most beautiful. About ten o'clock I found some birdsnests and climbed up in the tree to see them, and saw two eggs in each, one of the nests belonged to a robin and one to a blue jay. When I came home to-day Annie Brady was here. We sewed a little and studied our lessons for tomorrow, she took tea with us. After that we raked up pines and made a bond fire and made two heaps which we shall light Monday. This morning we had a most terrible exhibition of the power of God. We have had a thunderstorm the most awfully grand I ever witnessed it seems to me. Though I am not afraid of the lightning still I felt a little timid when I saw the whole heavens enveloped in a sheet of lightning and after that a deafening roar, and all the time the rain came down in torrents so as very much to injure the ground everywhere. The water was in the valley so deep we could hardly get about. The wall at fathers mill (I do not know for what it is used) fell away and is a real heap of ruins now. These extracts from my journal could be extended indefinitely. In reading the faded writing what strikes me most is that nearly every one men- tioned has passed over. It is an inventory of the dead. Father, mother, minister, teachers, Sun- day-school mates, most of my school- and play- mates, all are gone, many long since. As we grow i8o A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS older, marry and pass to other homes, the friends of childhood are lost sight of. Upon my father's death in 1 893, the dear home was sold and strangers live there. I have felt no desire to return and look upon the changes. So many ghostly figures would wander through the rooms ! Echoes of my mother's voice would sound from her bedroom. I could see my father sitting at his desk. The old orchard of forty or fifty trees, every one of which was planted and affectionately watched by my father, in which birds built their nests and bees swarmed, must be too old for bearing, and perhaps has been cut down. I knew as well as father did which tree bore astrachans, which golden sweets, which greenings, pippins, russets, and ** spitzes. " Under some of them I had my broken bits of crockery and glass with which I played "keep house." On the low branches I used to sit and read. There were plum and pear trees, also fine grape vines trained along the south wall of the big ter- race. But it was of the apple orchard that my father was the proudest, and it stored our cellar full of barrels of splendid fruit through the winter, until the spring brought again the soft pink buds and fragrant blossoms of the trees. Is there any sight more beautiful than an apple orchard in full bloom near the last of May? Otu* "Evening MORE OF THE JOURNAL i8i Side" was at that time glorified with its great bouquets of fragrant flowers. A trolley line runs now at the foot of our hill, and the big chestnut trees which grew on the steep bank are gone. The mills are multiplied and are filled with alien workers. The splendid waterfall which used to drive the big wheels of my father's mills is now only a small stream trickling over the rocks where once you could not stand without being drenched with spray. The fearsome, dark grove which we named Jimmy Bell's Park, where I often picked the mayflower (trailing arbutus), is now seamed with crossing and recrossing paths made by the ** hands " going home from and return- ing to their work. In my young days working in the mills did not declass anybody. Some of my friends worked for a longer or shorter time in the silk or thread, paper or envelope factory to earn a winter coat and hat. When they returned to school they were welcomed on equal terms with the rest of us. I once begged father to let me earn a little money for myself in that way, but he was firm in refusing, sajHlng he thought he could take care of me a little longer. Nobody in our town was very poor or very rich. We were, perhaps, as well off as most of our neighbors, but until I was thirteen or fourteen years old, two dresses a year i82 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS were my allowance, made with tucks for increased length in future seasons. Mother often wore a calico dress to church, for, she said, church was no place in which to display outward adornment, and everything which distracted from serious things, one's or one's neighbors' attentions, was wrong. XXXVIII MY YOUNGEST SISTER When I was ten or eleven years old, one of my schoolmates, Mary Post, died, of consumption. I was very fond of her, and often visited her through her prolonged illness. It was dreadful to see her waste away, but she was always cheerful, and until the very last would smile her greeting and say it was all right and she was willing to go. As we had often ridden horseback together, as a parting present she gave me her riding whip. I have kept it to this day. This girl's death sad- dened the whole school, and for weeks we talked in low tones and spoke of the mystery of death and of what the hereafter might be. Soon after this, mother had her eighth and last baby which she put into my arms as God's great gift to herself and me. I was eleven years old. I joyfully took this little, new sister to my love, and became almost a second mother to her. I was allowed to bathe and dress her, mother sitting by, 183 i84 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS as soon as the ntirse hadleft us. I often slept with her and was never unwilling to warm her bottle of milk in the night. I took her out in her carriage, and felt as much pride in her growth and develop- ment as if she had been my own child. The love of this sister became one of the strongest passions of my early years. Twice her life was in great danger as she sat in my lap, but bj'^ holding her dose in my arms, she escaped injury. Once, it was in winter, when snow was on the grotmd, — ^Jane might have been a Uttle over one year old, — several of us children, neighbors* as well as our own four, filled our old sleigh which a big boy, friend and neighbor, guided down the hill, he himself sitting on a sled between the shafts which he held as he steered. Twice the dangerous descent was safely made. With shouts of laughter all hands drew the sleigh to the top of the hill ready for another slide. By this time more children had been attracted, and they crowded in, some standing on the run- ners, clinging to the ends of the seats. Mother and a friend watched from the veranda, appre- hensive, yet unwilling to put an end to the fun. Half-way down the hill a pine branch fell from an overhanging tree, across the roadway. I saw it and felt that it meant, perhaps death, to some of us. The sled struck the branch, swerved to MY YOUNGEST SISTER 185 one side, threw our steerer oflF his sled, and with sickening speed we shot down the icy hill. Instead of making the roadtum, we pitched over an em- bankment at the foot of the hill, an almost per- pendicular fall of ten feet or more. We were brought up with a fearful shock against a tree. The de- moralization of the occupants of the sleigh was com- plete. They were huddled together, some thrown over the dashboard which was broken, all more or less bruised. Without thought, I gathered my sister into my arms and took the crash in full with my own body. Jane was not hurt, and she laughed thinking it was in the game. Of course I was badly bruised, but no bones were broken, and the marvel was that no one was killed, not even the boy under the sleigh. He was the first one to speak, and with a weak voice asked if all were safe. I, being the eldest, answered "Yes, how is it with you ? ' ' We concluded that Providence had watched over us and almost miraculously preserved us. Another time father was driving, my baby sister and I sitting beside him. Jane was in my lap, when the horse became frightened, ran, and threw the buggy down a bank, overturning it and pinning us underneath. The horse disengaged itself from the harness and flew down the road. Neighbors quickly came to the spot and helped to i86 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS right the buggy and bring it back to the road. The horse also was overtaken, and my father, with pale face, hitched him again to the buggy, tying up the broken harness. He drove on say- ing it would never do to let the beast think he had conquered, or he could never again be driven with safety. But I walked home with Jane. She was not in the least hurt, while I was bruised and shaken. Por I had clasped her close within my arms, anxious only for her safety. On neither of these occasions was there time for deUberation on my part. It was pure loving in- stinct that made me so try to protect the baby whom God had given me that not a scratch was found upon her. This was not, in any especial sense, to my credit. I hope, but do not know, if I had had time to consider, whether I should have acted in the same manner. "'*■'■" J"».A» J B„ XXXIX ATTEMPT TO FRIGHTEN ME During the summer of my thirteenth year, I was again left as housekeeper with my Kttle brother to care for. Mother and father went away for a visit in Bangor, Maine, where father's parents lived, taking Mattie and Jane. We had had, during the winter, a young man to work around the house and bam. He was named Matthew. He had reddish hair, and I delighted to put him into a rage by calling him "carrot-head" and similar foolish names. Once I doubled his under sheet in the middle, turning over the bottom to look like the top sheet. Naturally, when he tried to get into bed there was difficulty. Another time I scattered hickory nuts under his under sheet. For these and similar insults we were sworn foes. When one morning, he caught up a stick of wood from the kitchen wood-box and flung it at my head, missing me by an inch, father dismissed him, although both he and mother 187 i88 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS told me that I was greatly to blame. I mention this in the light of what occurred during my par- ents' absence, for although I had no proof, I always suspected Matthew to be the actor in a curious attempt to frighten me. I was sitting alone, in our living-room, one evening, after dark, when I heard a noise at the blinds of the bay window which opened to the floor. Looking towards the window I was startled to see a face peering in. The slats of the blinds were being slowly turned up and down by a visible hand. After the first feeling of fright I arose from my chair, and going leisurely to the window, said, **You coward,'* closed and locked the window and drew down the shade. In like manner I fastened and darkened all the windows in the room and locked the hall door. After that stones were rolled along the veranda and low whistles were heard. The maid came in, with a pale face, to sit with me. I pretended absolute unconcern. This sort of persecution was kept up for several nights, imtil I went to the store at the foot of the hill, and persuaded a yoimg man clerk who was employed there to come to me early in the even- ings, and sleep in the house. The noises then ceased. I wonder if I should be as brave to-day, THE schoolgirl: one year in BANGOR, MAINE; AFTERWARDS IN NORTON, MASSACHUSETTS 191 e Carol A. Stlclmejp, Aged SlxtMn XL THE YEAR IN BANGOR, WITH MY UNCLE In my sixteenth year my parents thought it best to send me away to school. I had grown so fast I was tall and slender, with stooping should- ers. A change of climate was recommended by the doctor. Two of my father's brothers and his parents lived in Bangor, Maine. Thither I was sent. Why so severe a climate should have been chosen for a delicate person is not to be explained, unless it was that I could live with and receive the care of an uncle and aunt, second only to that of my own parents. I was sent to attend the Girls' High School. I was received most cordially by my imcle Thomas Stickney, my father's next younger brother, and during the year in which I was a mem- ber of his family I was treated like a daughter. This, too, when I must have been wilful and trjdng at times. There was a small cousin, five years old, whom I often put to bed and took care of when my aunt was away. Charles was generally docile 13 193 194 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS and easily managed, especially when I told him a story. Julia Congden's tales still remained in my memory and could be drawn upon whenever occa- sion demanded. Once when I was putting my small cousin to bed, he said for his prayer, " Our Father who art in Heaven. Amen." Shocked, I commanded him to say the whole prayer correctly. I could not induce him. He answered me, " I'm sleepy and God knows the rest anyway." At the end of the year I went home and was not allowed to return. This was a grief to me, for I had made friends among the girls, and was very fond of my teachers. I fotmd out later, that an attachment on my part, was feared by my uncle, for the principal^ a man twice my age. I certainly did Kke him very much, but if he cared for me more than any of my classmates, he never showed partiality or relaxed, in the least, his severe discipline, and the exactions of class work. But near the end of the winter, at some evening gathering, perhaps a church sociable, we ate **philopena" together, as was the custom of the day. **I got it on him,'* and he gave me a ring with a tiny diamond in it. On the imder side, **Mizpah" was marked. This was taken to be full of meaning. (The small dia- mond, with several others and a central ruby, later, made a stick-pin for my daughter.) There- Thomu G«ge Stickney Itf Undt vllh rtoB I Svad ■ jmc in Bucdt. Mb, YEAR IN BANGOR, WITH MY UNCLE 195 fore the association was broken up. When I went home I expected to come back, and Mr. Shepard asked me to write to him. I did and received a friendly answer. This I showed to my father, and he put an immediate stop to the correspondence, making other arrangements for my education. It seems to me strange that my memory is not so keen concerning the events of this year in Bangor, as with regard to the earlier years of my childhood. I remember feeling pleasure in my school with its competent teachers, its dear girls, its orderly grading and perfect discipline. I recall that the examinations in school were approached with nervous dread, but were successfully carried through. I enjoyed the chemistry class especially, notwithstanding the fact that I once spilled sul- phiuic acid (I think it was) on my dress and burned several holes in the front breadth. The life in my imde's family was enjoyable, with rather more freedom of action than I had had at home. I taught in the infant class in the Simday school, attended prayermeetings with my unde, and en- tered into all the church activities, such as soda- bles and fairs which interested my aunt. In winter there were huge snowstorms when the snow was taken from the sidewalks and heaped in the streets as high as my head, and the cold was often intense. 196 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS I had two serious illnesses through which my aunt cared for me like a dear mother, and once I had a sore finger, a *' run around," which the doctor made light of, but from which I suffered much pain for two or three weeks. In school I read nearly three books of Virgil, had my first introduc- tion to the French language* worked on higher arithmetic, algebra, and chemistry, besides study- ing English history and composition, during that one year. I was often with my grandparents, sometimes taking my midday meal there, as their home was much nearer the school than that of my unde Thomas. I was very fond of my grandmother jfbo always reminded me« in her face and charao ter, of my beloved father. My grandfather was a large man of whom I stood in awe. He smoked a pipe and snored during his aftar-dxnBer nap. at which grandmother and I were mightily amused. He was exceedin^y kind to me, XK>t for cry own sake. I used to tr>nnlr^ bat because I was '^Jotn's child." He was a anger. possessing a heavy bass voice. I often went to his chorclu Baptist in. denomrrratiQCL whose preacifier s Mr. CaldwelL for the express purpose of stand-- hfm dtiriiig the sngrng of the hyrcns Kng nry anall voice with his strong bass. YEAR IN BANGOR, WITH MY UNCLE 197 I have discovered a journal kept almost daily during the first part of my stay in Bangor, from which I shall give some extracts. They show the same religious fervor as the earlier one, from which I have already quoted. I still aspired to be a missionary. While I was sincere in this, I was not such an enthusiast as mother's younger sister, Lydia Devan, already referred to, who went as a missionary to China. Mother told me she used to sit by an open window in winter and walk upon the sunny side of the street in summer in order to become acclimated to either Greenland or India as the Lord should call her. I have an old Chinese vase, neither pretty nor valuable, but much prized by me, because mother cared for it as the only relic of her sister's missionary life. It was sent to mother from China. XLI THE BANGOR HIGH SCHOOL The journey to Bangor was taken with inter- missions, first by stage to Vernon, thence by train to Providence, where we changed for Boston. There my grandparents met us and took charge of me, my father returning home. From Boston the trip to Bangor was made in the steamer Danid Webster. Extracts from my joimial written in 1859: May 2nd, 1 859. It is high time for me to commence an account of my daily life, and after reviewing a little from the time I left home, I will keep a minute journal. Monday morning, April 17th was very fine, and my ride with father upon the stage top was j^freshing as well as pleasant. We took cars at Ver- non and proceeded to Providence. Here we were obliged to wait some hours before we could proceed further. To pass time we made a call, and were very vjndly received. At six we arrived in B.^ and fotmd Gfandfather and Grandmother waiting to receive us. twq went to Great uncle Paul's and gave them all a ^granst* They seemed glad to see us and tried to •nWfcecar stay pleasant. . . . Wednesday Father, grand- THE BANGOR HIGH SCHOOL 199 mother and I went to Brighton. Made a delightful call on Mr Rice (otir former minister). Thursday Father left for home. What a trial for me. I shed a few tears but then was cheerful. . . . Friday evening we went to Portland and there took the Daniel Webster for Bangor. Slept well on the trip, being entirely free from sickness. Saturday, we arrived eariy and found uncle Thomas waiting. I was greeted kindly all around, and spent the day unpacking and arranging my clothes. Monday morning at eight o'clock, I went to the office of Lawyer Humphrey and was examined by him and Mr Stetson for admission to the High School. I was admitted, but as school did not keep on May Day,^ I spent the day in sewing, practising and taking a ride. I drew a book from the library, called Daisy Chain. Tuesday May 3rd. This morning I went to school for the first time. Was introduced to Mr Shepard, the teacher, and am fairly well impressed with him. Made acquaintance with a number of the girls, and they tried to make it interesting to me. I have entered the second year, and now am to study Algebra, Virgil, French and Nat. Phil. Wednesday May 4th. A very warm day. Went to school in the morning, and felt a little bit home- sick at recess, for no one noticed me scarcely. I sup- pose I must make first advances in acquaintances. Thursday. I attended school as usual and found things much pleasanter. ' Sunday was first day of May, but the holiday for the school was Monday. 200 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Saturday. Mr Howard visited the school and excited great commotion. Compositions were read, some good. Hot day. Monday. Attended school in the morning, but not in the afternoon as I was excused having no recitations. But best of all I had a nice long letter from home, containing Jennie Pember*s likeness and a number of other little things which were very acceptable. May God keep every one of them at home in health and joy till I am restored to them again. Thursday. In school all day, and recited Latin and Philosophy. Louise Hincks (my aunt's sister), spent the night with me, and in the evening I attended a concert with her and her beau, E. Godfrey. Retired at loyi o'clock. Friday, 1 3th May. Nothing particular has occurred all day. My seat in school-room was occupied all day. I have decided to add Astronomy to my studies. Monday i6th. As I awoke this morning this verse of Scripture flashed upon me, ** Awake to righteous- n^a €>tc. ** It is a warning that I sleep, and have not action enough in my soul. This week I *'must sin not. ** I must work for others, for some have not the knowledge of God, and this is spoken to my shame. Tuesday. I went to school to-day and recited cor- rectly a long and hard dreaded Latin lesson, which was the chief event of the day. Another of my aunt*s sisters, Josephine Hincks, was a frequent caller at our house. She was en- THE BANGOR HIGH SCHOOL 201 gaged to George Shepherd, the son of Dr. Shepherd, President, (I think) of the Bangor Theological Seminary and rightly accounted one of the great preachers of the day. He is often mentioned in my journal as having done me good by his earnest sermons. The references to George can do no harm after so many years. It was a matter of much interest to me, the conduct of this engaged couple. Friday loth June. In the evening it rained, but we were all determined to go to a concert given by Madame Biscacianti. Uncle provided a hack and we rode. Josie had some misgivings about going as she was engaged for the evening to George Shepherd. Considering the rain however, she decided to go, and offended her beloved mortally, I fear. I don't know but it will break up the engagement, but hope not. The concert was perfectly splendid, and that is a tame word. The lady was elegantly dressed and sang most charmingly. She is considered superior to Jenny Lind. Mr. Evans played the piano with a truly master hand and her husband with one other gentleman filled up with the violincello and basso singing. The singers were invariably applauded and made to repeat eight times. Four bouquets were thrown and Madame Zimmerman ran to the stage, spread down a carpet, and covered it with what appeared to be white and red roses, but on closer examination were only holly- hocks and snowballs. I never expect to attend so good a concert again, and feel myself greatly favored in being allowed to hear the sweet little warbler. 202 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Wednesday 22d. Since the last date I have been quite sick with the scarlet fever,* but to-day I feel much better. Last Friday I awoke with a sore throat. Went to school however. Saturday my throat had much increased in soreness and I found it almost impossible to swallow. Towards night I began to grow uneasy and long for a mother's sympathy and care. I went to school in the a.m. but with the greatest difficulty, being sick all the time. Sunday my throat f airiy alarmed me and I feared it would ulcerate. Did not attend church and in the evening I found myself covered with a little, fine rash. Uncle sent for the doctor a homeopathic physician and he pronounced it scariet fever and laid me under a strict rule of living for two weeks perhaps. Monday I did not feel well and kept the recumbent position all day and lived on dry bread toasted and gruel. Tuesday was my sickest day and I was weak and good for nothing. Got up and dressed however about ten and used the lotmge. Found the diet rather hard, but am glad I can get along so well. To-day a friend sent me in a beautiful vase of flowers. Dr. has just been in and says I must not use my eyes, so I suppose I must stop writing. But be not anxious my dear journal. I am doing well and should feel very much favored at suffering so little. Dr. has extended my diet to some strawberries. Oh won't they taste good ? I must be contented to be nnwell a few days longer, then I hope to be bright and healthy again. I have given this quotation from my journal to • ^ the diflferent way in which contagious dis- • 4 1 had had this disease when a child, this illness would * nrove that one is not immune after one attack. THE BANGOR HIGH SCHOOL 203 eases were regarded in that day, as compared with the precautions taken now. Then there was no quarantine, no isolation of the patient, no careful diet (what physician would to-day allow straw- berries to be eaten during the first week of ill- ness?), no disinfection of the room after recovery. I was in school after the fever had begun, and the doctor was not called until the ** little, fine rash" had made its appearance. Germs had not assumed their position of importance then. My aunt was my only nurse, and I was placed in the guest room on account of the comfortable bed which it contained. I do not remember whether my young cousin was allowed to come into the room, but I am sure no one contracted the malady from me. XLII EXTRACTS FROM THE JOURNAL On the thirtieth of June, during the summer vacation, my journal says : To-night I ventured forth to a strawberry festival, in the chapel of the Bangor Seminary. The hall was beautifully furnished, and the strawberries and other provisions were in great abundance. I find it the best way to get acquainted, for the introductions I sus- tained were more, I should think, than all the rest during my previous stay. There were some beautiful bouquets, and I feeling generous, bought one and crave it to Mr Shepard, (the school principal) whom I saw and talked with some time He did look finely to-night and Josie said he was even handsome, and she almost fell in love with him. Thursday, July 7th. J. Hincks almost mortally Afietudcd her lover by not being at home just when he ^led We hurried but he reached the house first, t^ <ATtod back when we met him, and after a great ' '/ ^-^yy^iixg, (more than I would have given him in >*^^.tfKition> brought him back. He was quite angry ..v V- U ho^wcvcr, and was hardly polite even to me. '^ '\, ?,- ^;;^X is the way girls have to be treated, even 204 EXTRACTS PROM THE JOURNAL 205 before the marriage, I believe I shall be tempted to keep clear of it. Jos knew Shepherd was going, so we walked up to his house and found him just gone. Even when we told him that, he said, ** humph, that makes no difference, you promised to be at home, and if you wanted to walk with me, you should have come eariier. ** Now if that doesn't ** beat all, " and verifies Mr. Hincks saying, that *' in former times boys used to run after the girls, but now if the boys would stay at home, the other sex would be after them very soon, coaxing them and entreating them. *' Not I, I reckon. Thursday 14th. To-day I have perfectly reveled in country life, and enjoyed it right well. Phebe, (one of my aunt's sisters) and I went strawberrying, in the country, and picked three quarts of beautiful large ones. It is some fun to pick them when they are so thick, and I found them truly so. In the evening we went in the river bathing. We put on dresses, but cut a comical figure enough when we came out. After nine o'clock I started for home, that being the earliest I could make George Shepherd leave his darling, and he was to escort me home. I tried all I could, but did not succeed in reaching home before ten. My uncle was insistent about my being in the house before ten. My aunt's home where I spent this delightful day was in Brewer, two or three miles from Bangor, across the river. As there was much visiting between the two homes I often enjoyed the country life of the Hincks family. 2o6 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Tuesday, Jtily 19th. I took dinner and supper with Grandpa, and went to Norembega in the evening to hear a fugitive from Kentucky, from the law which was after him for assisting a runaway slave, which however, he denies. It was very interesting, & the subject how much do we owe to earthly laws when they conflict with heavenly. Sunday 24th. To-day was very cold and uncom- fortable. As I went into church this morning, I noticed people standing in groups and talking together and it seemed as if something was wrong. Still my curiosity was not relieved until I had seated myself and my uncle came in asking me if I knew about George Shepherd. I said no, then he told me he died the preceding night in his sleep. I was shocked indeed and it was some moments before I could believe it. It certainly is one of the most wonderful and mysteri- ous providences I ever knew. I have since heard all the particulars which I will write here. George went to Winthrop on Saturday, to preach, and appeared in good spirits. When there he spent a very pleasant day visiting, in the afternoon and to tea, and returned to Mr Benson's house where he was stopping, at nine o'clock. He retired at half past nine, wound his watch, took out his brush and comb, and prepared every- thing for a speedy dressing in the morning. Not coming down to breakfast, his room was entered and George Shepherd was there only in his body. His soul had flown to higher regions. The shock is great and every one is in wonder and almost fear from it. Being quite intimate with Josephine, I have known George also very well. He has been in a measure, free EXTRACTS FROM THE JOURNAL 207 with me, and in ways like this has manifested a more than passing acquaintance. With Jos in his lap, his arm around her in the most affectionate manner, he has two or three times asked me to come into the room and pass judgment on their position, appealing in a light way to my admiration. Then too, in the evening of the fourth of July, I was with him all the evening, and both of us felt as free as brother and sister; indeed when he died I felt as if I had lost a brother, and most sincerely do I sympathize with the sorrowing family, and poor Jos. I inmiediately wrote the sad tidings to my home, and I hope I shall take this solemn lesson to my heart and leam that which was intended in the warning. Should I, as we trust George now is, be in that bright world above so that absent from the body I should be present with the Lord? Would my hope stand such a test as that? I think I may call Jesus mine, God my father, and heaven my home, and if so death is welcome when it pleases it to come. How wretched I should be had I not this confidence, and oh how dreadful when death overtakes in that condition. Yet I think I may say '*I know that my Redeemer liveth, " and at the last day he will claim me for his own. Oh my Saviour desert me not on my deathbed, and let not my hope prove a delusion, but take me to thine own blessed arms, and permit me to dwell with thee and see thee face to face. I cannot tell at this distance of time how much of this expression of my religious feeling was sincere and unaffected. The stilted writing was due not only to the shock of George Shepherd's death, 2o8 a: daughter of THE PURITANS but to the common way of looking at such *' provi- dences, " as solenm warnings to the living. I Uked George Shepherd for his own sake as well as for his intimate relation to my aunt's sister. His sudden death brought the appalling thought of my own death very close, and I tried to comfort myself with the thought of my own preparedness. At any rate such was the fashion then of journals. Monday 25th. To-day the body of George Shepherd was brought home, and said to be as natural as life. Josie came in feeling her sorrow most acutely. He must have died without a struggle, as the bedclothes were as smooth as if they had never been disturbed. His countenance was very calm, appearing more like sleep than death. Saturday 30th. I read some in the life of Mrs Smith, the missionary to Beirut, and found myself asking the question so often coming to me of myself being a missionary. It is dreadful to leave all friends so, and be an exile from his country, but unless we forsake houses and lands, parents and sisters, brothers and friends, we cannot be the disciples of Jesus. I think if it be God's will I am ready to devote myself to the life of a missionary, and when I consecrated myself to his service, I am sure I did not restrict myself to my own country. No, indeed. That were no consecration at all, and if thou call me Lord, to foreign lands I am ready. Mother writes a beautiful letter to Mrs. Shepherd, as full of sympathy as her kind heart prompts. EXTRACTS FROM THE JOURNAL 209 Thursday 4th Aug. Josie came up to-day, more like herself than I have seen her since he died. Auntie, Josie and I went to Mount Hope and my poor friend was deeply affected by the sight of George's new-made grave. The cemetery is quite a nice one and has many beautiful monuments and some tombs. Sunday 7th. To-day I have accepted the invitation to help IGtty Foster take charge of the infant class. This was the first of my teaching in Sunday- school. For forty years I remained in that service teaching at different times all grades of pupils, young and old. It was always a pleasure to me, and I never failed in interesting my classes, be- cause I was always interested myself. Monday, Aug. 8th. The family all went off this morning to a picnic with several other families. I was left alone again to myself. But I always enjoy being alone and in reading, writing, etc. I spent a pleasant time. Wednesday loth. This morning I arose eariy, at five o'clock, & helped auntie spread some bread and pack things for the excursion. At half past seven we went to the boat and sailed. There was a tow-boat and ship tied together, and both were comfortably full. I began making acquaintances fast and all were in high spirits and full of glee. At ii>^ we arrived at our destination. Fort Point, opened dinner baskets and made our picnic. We had a nice clam chowder in which fish was very scarce, and the tables were 14 210 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS plentifully provided with good things. At two we sailed again and stopped at Fort Knox. This we went all over, and truly it is a splendid fort and worthy of Maine. I cannot describe it, but it is very large, about half finished, and all of solid stone. We passed through some winding and mysterious passages, perfectly dark, and it made me shudder to think of being left there alone. Mr. Raskins piloted me around and we went up the most dangerous places, and scrambled about in just the manner to suit me. Again we took the vessel and arrived home at half past six, all very much pleased with the day. I had a beautiful letter from father to close up with, written in Union City, Mich, where I was bom. He spoke of George Shepherd & I cannot help referring to him here at times. I missed him in the excursion and Josie who would not go without him. Monday 15th. Sarah, Josie and I took a ride in the evening, the most beautiful of all portions of the day. Sarah getting tired we dropped her at the door, and wishing for a gentleman, we invited Dick Stone, (familiarly called) to drive us and we took a most lovely drive. We were gone most too long though, and frightened uncle Thomas into a headache. I remember this ride which was taken without my uncle's knowledge. The carriage was standing at the door, and he was intending to use it himself. Upon the impulse of the moment Josie and I jtmiped in, minus hats and coats, intending only to go around the block. Josie was experiencing a EXTRACTS FROM THE JOURNAL 211 reaction from her weeks of mourning, and was in high spirits. We went on and on into the country, in bright moonlight, nor could I, who was getting anxious and worried, persuade her to turn home until we were miles from the house on State Street. Dick Stone, of course, was willing to enjoy the fun. It was well after midnight when we drove a per- spiring horse to the door, and found my uncle pacing back and forth, nervous and excited. It was the only time I ever saw him really angry. After scolding us roundly, he forbade either of us to touch the reins of his horse without his permis- sion. My uncle was a lover of horses, and always drove a fine animal. This wild ride was not con- ducive either to the well being of the horse, or the comfort of its owner. The short account given in my journal amuses me. It was a blameworthy act, but I would not exonerate myself, although I was helpless to alter the situation. Wednesday 17th. A picnic was the order to-day and in a double carriage Jos, uncle and aunt, Charley and I went to Pushaw where we met the others, consisting with ourselves of 21 & embarked. Sailed to an island and spread a bountiful repast. Then re- entered the boat and fished awhile. Another sail till we landed and it being quite dark, we prepared a supper and had a second picnic on the grass. We arrived home a little past nine. 212 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Sattirday, August 20th, 1859. To-day I completed my sixteenth year. I felt a little homesick, it being my first birthday spent away from home, and hereto- fore it has been celebrated by a little present from all, and kisses and good wishes, above all, my mother's conversations urging me to review the past year and live better in the future. O I wish I heeded more those counsels, and loved my Savior and was in short, a better christian and more active in Christ's service. I hope I have made some little advance in the past year, and at least have overcome my doubts, and feel more humbled about my acceptance and pardon. That would be my worst sin, as God has given me proof that I am his and he is mine ! If I am spared another twelvemonth I have consecrated myself wholly and fully to every work my Savior gives me to do. He is my master and I know no will of my own. Jesus help me and curb and even break my will if it plays me false in my service to thee. Saturday 27th. This morning although the skies dropped water in great abundance, Jos and I gathered up our clothes, took an umbrella and trudged home. (I had spent the night in the Brewer home.) A mile and a half in a drenching rain will wet a person more or less, and we were obliged to change clothing. I find I have not lost my old fondness for ventur- ing forth in rain, and it is all fun and no trouble at all. Mrs. Harris, (who lived next door), has her brother visiting her. He is a fine looking fellow in my opinion yet that does not tell me how good he is, and I could not judge on so slight an acquaintance. EXTRACTS FROM THE JOURNAL 213 Monday 29th. Hurrah for school. Yes, I am quite ready to go again, and this winter Carrie must learn something. Mr. Shepard pleasant as ever, the girls all cordial in their greetings, and indeed a very good beginning. My studies are to be Latin, French and Chemistry. Jos took tea and I walked over with her. Tuesday 30th. School again to-day and very pleasant. I walked from Brewer before school and tired myself some. Had a letter from mother and soon I may expect father. Monday, 5th Sept. Went to school and studied hard. Wednesday 7th. Last night had a letter from home, '*all hands." It was pleasant indeed, and all the children are well. To-day I answered it. Went to Mr. Wilder's singing school for about half an hour. Then called upon Ellen Fisher, a girl with the merriest disposition I ever saw, I think. Thursday 8th. Attended school all day and walked over to Brewer afterward. Friday 9th. Went to the usual schoolhouse, and studied till I was very tired. Sunday nth. Uncle was sick from an attack of headache from an attack of yesterday of great severity. Aunty not well, and I delegated (represented?) the family all day at church. Charlie accompanied me in A.M. Prof. Shepherd preached all day. 214 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Tuesday 13th. Sarah Harris expected her soon to be husband to-day and she waited nervous enough until too late, to expect him more. Wednesday 14th. Dr. Smith made his appearance greatly to Sarah's delight. We all went in and got a good view of the fiance, and saw how homely he was. A great nose and spectacles are his chief characteristics, unless I except his extreme nervousness and what I should call a light catarrh. He arrived too late to come up last night on account of the rain, but this morning he appeared at ten o'clock, all gloved and tipped with fashion. She may have him but save me from the old bachelor. Saturday 24th. The choir were to meet here for rehearsal, but owing to the rain only four came. I had to play, uncle being sick, and we had a nice social evening. Four umbrellas were left standing in the hall, near the door, and were stolen after Jos had opened the door to let in a little air. It was only a little more than ajar, yet they were taken and someone in the parlor all the time. A carpet-bag had been left standing there and auntie had the impulse strike her and without any reason to assign, took it to another place where the rascals could not see it. That is what I call providential and the hand of God in a very small event yet very plainly seen. It is evident that to my mind, umbrellas were not so worthy of providential care and interposi- tion as carpet bags. XLIII A SCHOOL INCIDENT My journal does not extend beyond the first of November of the year 1859. If kept later in another book, it is lost. My father's visit about that time, a matter of supreme interest to me, the Musical Convention in the chorus of which he and I sang, the daily events of school, visits and excursions, Sundays' sermons were the record of an uneventful life. One distressing incident happened to me during the winter. The Latin class to which I belonged, was studying Virgil. It was comprised of thirty or more girls, so large that it was impossible for each one to recite more than once or twice a week. I had so good a record I was often passed by. On one occasion (I had been called upon the preced- ing day), I concluded it was safe for me to omit the preparation of the lesson for that day. It was a whim that led me to take the risk, partly because it was a risk, although I had also been pressed for 215 202 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS Wednesday 22d. Since the last date I have been quite sick with the scarlet fever,* but to-day I feel much better. Last Friday I awoke with a sore throat. Went to school however. Saturday my throat had much increased in soreness and I found it almost impossible to swallow. Towards night I began to grow uneasy and long for a mother's sympathy and care. I went to school in the a.m. but with the greatest difficulty, being sick all the time. Sunday my throat fairly alarmed me and I feared it would ulcerate. Did not attend church and in the evening I found myself covered with a little, fine rash. Uncle sent for the doctor a homeopathic physician and he pronounced it scarlet fever and laid me under a strict rule of living for two weeks perhaps. Monday I did not feel well and kept the recumbent position all day and lived on dry bread toasted and gruel. Tuesday was my sickest day and I was weak and good for nothing. Got up and dressed however about ten and used the lounge. Found the diet rather hard, but am glad I can get along so well. To-day a friend sent me in a beautiful vase of flowers. Dr. has just been in and says I must not use my eyes, so I suppose I must stop writing. But be not anxious my dear journal. I am doing well and should feel very much favored at suffering so little. Dr. has extended my diet to some strawberries. Oh won't they taste good? I must be contented to be unwell a few days longer, then I hope to be bright and healthy again. I have given this quotation from my journal to show the different way in which contagious dis- ' As I had had this disease when a child, this illness would seem to prove that one is not immune after one attack. THE BANGOR HIGH SCHOOL 203 eases were regarded in that day, as compared with the precautions taken now. Then there was no quarantine, no isolation of the patient, no careful diet (what physician would to-day allow straw- berries to be eaten during the first week of ill- ness?), no disinfection of the room after recovery. I was in school after the fever had begun, and the doctor was not called until the ** little, fine rash" had made its appearance. Germs had not assumed their position of importance then. My aunt was my only nurse, and I was placed in the guest room on accotmt of the comfortable bed which it contained. I do not remember whether my yoimg cousin was allowed to come into the room, but I am sure no one contracted the malady from me. 2i8 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS "Do you realize that your failtu^ demoralized the whole class?" As I remained silent, he continued, "I am to understand then, that you have no explanation to give of your absolute failure to prepare to-day's lesson; that you deliberately came to the class without having looked at the book? '* I could only assent. After a pause he said: "See that this never happens again. If there is good reason for your not having studied the lesson, come to me before the class recitation and get excused. But do not think you will escape without punishment. Within a week, you will hand to me a composition on the subject, * Nothing succeeds like Success.'" "Why, Mr. Shepard," I pleaded, "that is beyond my power to do." "It is imperative, " he said. "I will give you a full week, but it must be done, in addition to perfect recitations in all your classes. " Well I remember how I struggled with that com- position. I sat up late nights and rose early morn- ings, and the result was the most miserable trash about Napoleon and George Washington. Besides, I was called upon every day of that week to read the translation of the full lesson, in Virgil, a penalty so evident that all the girls were much amused. A SCHOOL INCIDENT 219 When, timidly and shamefacedly, I handed my poor effort to my teacher, he smiled in the kindest manner, and said: "The incident is closed. Miss Stickney." Then and not till then did the hardness in my heart give way, as, with many tears, I said, "I am sorry, Mr. Shepard." "I know you are," said he. "So am I, but remember the incident is closed. " I never again gave that teacher nor any other, a poorly prepared recitation. I understood that it was a point of honor, each day to do my best, and that anything short of that was disrespectful to the instructor. I heard years later, that Mr. Shepard enlisted in the Civil War, on the side of the North, and was killed in service. I do not know whether that was the truth. I do know that no better man, no more tactful gentleman ever filled the office of principal in a girls' high school. In this instance, the fact that my penalty for failure in duty was prolonged over a week's time, by the struggle with the composition on what was for me an impossible subject, taught me that poor work as a student would not and could not be tolerated. The severity of my ptmishment impressed not only me, but the whole class who learned in some way about it, so 220 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS that from that time, the redtations in the Virgil class reached^ a high water mark. One of my greatly loved teachers. Miss Helen Thtirston, went afterwards as a missionary to China, but did not reach her port. The vessel on which she sailed was never heard from. At the end of a year, most delightful in every way, in Bangor, all the pleasant intimacies with teachers and classmates were broken oflf, and I have seen few of those dear people since. What their history has been and how many are still living I do not know. Fanny Foster, Laura Famham, Mary Thurston, a delicate girl, sister of the teacher, who fell ill and died, early in her life, of constimp- tion, Emma Littlefield, Amanda Wilson, — I give their real names here, and could add others, — all were dearly loved, but passed out of my life. My grandparents, aimts, and imdes are gone, my cousins have moved away. My cousin Charles has died, and none of our family lives now, in Bangor. XLIV ENTRANCE INTO WHEATON SEMINARY I SPENT most of the next year at home, recruit- ing in health, for I was far from strong. The doctor, in order to straighten my shoulders, made me walk ten minutes at a time with the dictionary on my head, and he ordered an out-of- door life. I was given a patch of grotmd just below the terraces, to make into a flower garden. As mother was an enthusiast about flowers, she helped me to lay out the beds, make borders, and plant seeds. Naturally the garden was a success. I rode horseback on pleasant days, and spent hours in my pine grove. I tried to keep up some study and read a little French and Latin, but interruptions were frequent and I found my mind getting fallow and undisciplined. Early the following spring, I annotmced that I was going to school, was going to take a regular course of study and be graduated. I asked my father to send me to Vassar whose brilliant history had 331 222 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS just begun, but he did not approve of college for girls. It tended to make them mannish and tin- ladylike. The first one knew, our daughters would be walking with canes and smoking cigars. Poor father! Could he have seen the advanced, the modem girl! I chose Wheaton Seminary, where some of our Rockville girls had been. At that time it stood side by side with Mt. Holyoke in its reputation for the higher education of girls, and in Wheaton, differing in that respect from Mt. Holyoke, the students were not obliged to do any of the house- work. That appealed strongly to me, to whom all domestic work was a bore, only to be undertaken when one's mother was ill, or the maid of all work was absent. Wheaton Seminary, now Wheaton College, was situated in the pretty, quiet village of Norton, Massachusetts. A more perfect spot for study could not have been found. Mrs. Wheaton, then living, kept close watch of the interests of the school, and often contributed generously of her funds, when money was needed. For although the expenses of pupils were small, board being two dollars and a half a week, and tuition eight dollars a term, yet the table was excellent and lectures and entertainments were provided from Boston WHEATON SEMINARY 223 and Providence, making it often necessary to eke out the slender income. Thither I was sent, and enjoyed one delightful term. For the first, and I believe, the last time in my life, upon my entrance into Wheaton Seminary, I experienced homesickness, real nostalgia. I felt awkward and shy, not knowing any of the girls or teachers. And I was unable to hide my feeling of strangeness and aloneness, when I saw the meetings of girls who had been in the school before, and who rushed into each other's arms with joyful greetings. The second morning after my arrival, I was in the crowd of students in the Seminary Hall, waiting for the nine o'clock bell to ring, when one bright, jolly girl brought in the mail. She read off the names of fortunate recipients of home messages when she came to a letter for me. I could recognize my mother's fine handwriting on the envelope, and knew that she had sent an early love letter to me, expecting it to reach me in the very beginning of school life. "Where's Miss Carrie Stick — Stick — Stick-in-the-mud?" I reached for the letter. The girl, laughing, held it above my reach, and I jumped for it. This provoked joy from aU the rest. **Well, you're a new one, aren't you?" said the teaser. "Haven't had the 224 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS honor of meeting you yet. " She bowed low, and presented me to all the others, saying, * * Girls, this is Miss Stick-in-the-mud. " All my sense of humor vanished. I felt as if I had committed a crime. My mother had also been hurt, insulted. Slowly I went to my room. I was alone at first, my roommate not arriving tmtil later. I shut and locked the door, threw myself on the bed, face downward, and cried with a breaking heart until I was worn out. I wanted mother, just mother. I must go to her. I deter- mined to pack my small trunk, steal unobserved out of the house, and start for home. I spent all morning in this miserable manner, sobbing and packing. I paid no heed to the dinner bell. No one naissed me, and at that thought I cried the more. At last one of the older girls did miss me and knocked at my door. Unwillingly I opened it. She understood the situation. ** What's this? Packing for home? You're homesick, Miss Stick- ney. But that's no matter. Lots of girls are that way, and they cry their eyes out just as you have been doing. Let's unpack and brave it out." Tears came again, but I permitted this comforter to take my clothes out of the trunk and lay them in the drawers. Then she caught me in her ^ arms, drew us both down into the rocking-chair, and Mrs. Caroline C. Metcalf, Pdncipail of Wb«atoa Semlnuy for Tw«nt7-five Years WHEATON SEMINARY 225 kissed me. She told me of funny happenings in the school and made me laugh. The crisis was passed. I went to supper and had a good appetite. After a night's sleep I felt better and then work began, the best panacea for a troubled heart. Whether Mrs. Metcalf heard of this incident I do not know, but very soon a different arrange- ment was made for the distribution of the mail. The letters were placed on a certain table and each girl went for her own. In those days we were required to leave our letters open for censorship, before mailing. No male correspondents were allowed unless express permission was obtained from parents. Homesickness is a real affliction, and one who has experienced its desolation will feel sorry for the poor little heart which is mourning for mother. Mrs. Caroline C. Metcalf, the principal, was eminently fitted for her position. She was quick and decided, peremptory but kind, helpful to those who had come there for work, unsparing in her sarcasm towards those who were negligent or indifferent. She had her eye on everybody, and if girls got together after retiring bell had struck, and made never so little noise, a quick, nervous knock would be heard at the door, and ** Young ladies, why are you not in your own rooms?** 15 226 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS would cause a hurried breaking up of the party. Mrs. Metcalf *s success was due, beyond all other things, to her selection of her teachers. If one was found incompetent, she stayed only one term. Those who were in the school when I was there. were the best to be found in all the country, who taught, not for money but for the sake of in- fluence. Their salaries were ridiculously small. These women had a tremendous influence for good over the young girls committed to their care. Lucy Larcom, then in her prime, taught English Literature and Composition. What an inspiration it was to sit in her classes and hear her talk about the men who had made the litera- ture of our language the best in the world ! She was a poet, and her face often glowed with the fervor of her thought. She had little patienee with dull or uninterested members of the class, but to one who cared as she did about her sub- jects, she would give of the whole riches of her knowledge, as to an intimate friend. I often went to her room after school hours, and in the evenings, and sat on a little stool at her feet, en- raptured with her conversation and her personality. She was never trivial, although possessing a strong sense of humor which made her eyes twinkle while she laughed till she shook. Her voice was low and Miss Lucj Larcom, Teacher of Enslish in-Wheaton SemiiuuT WHEATON SEMINARY 227 sweet, and she talked in a poetical way, often mystical, always spiritual, of the loftiest subjects. Her religious trust was deep, vital, abiding. To me she was the ideal of an inspired prophetess. Next to my mother, I owe to this strong, sweet woman, the inspiration of my own life. When she took a room out of the Seminary, in order to be quieter, and her former room was given to me, I always felt that the angel of her presence was with me, making even the furniture different from that of any other place in the house. Miss Larcom's face rises before my mind this minute, the most beautiful I ever knew, glowing with her soul's fire, kindly helpful. She was a friend of Whittier, and had letters from him which she treasured. One dared not even think an unworthy thought in her presence. Then there was Miss Cutler, later Mrs. Harrison. She was practical, a little stiff perhaps, but kind- ness itself. One went to her if one felt homesick or blue. She made us put on our rubbers in damp, and an extra wrap in cold, weather. She was comfortable, homelike, and came to us in sickness or if we were in trouble. I do not remember whether she taught any classes, but as a sort of housemother, she was invaluable. Miss Windsor was tall, dark-eyed, dreamy. 228 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS strikingly handsome, and, I fancy, of a passionate and romantic nature. I studied Botany with her and tmder her enthusiastic leadership, acquired a great love for flowers. Many of the girls adored this wonderful woman, and thronged to her room after study hours. I am sure she was easily a perfect disciplinarian, getting work from her classes because it was she herself who required it. Miss Cole was the admirable teacher of Mathe- matics. She was quiet and rather cold. No one worshiped her, but no one neglected her recitations. Her displeasure was not pleasant to endure. When the recitation went badly her small foot went tap, tap, under the table. No girl could keep her self -composure with the tapping of that foot, but would usually give the matter up and sit down. Dullness was unpardonable. I enjoyed my review of Higher Arithmetic and Algebra under Miss Cole, and willingly worked my best. It was with her that we used to arise at four o'clock and go into the fields and woods to leam the songs of the birds. It seemed to me there was nothing in the field of nature which she did not know. Birds, their nests and their habits, insects, mosses, lichens, trees, all these were mat- ters of intimate knowledge with her. I studied Geometry with sweet Sarah Paine, w. Miss Maria Melius TsaclMr d Dnwioi WHEATON SEMINARY 229 one of the younger teax^hers, faithful, conscientious, competent. She was not long for this world, and I think her delicate health prevented her from coming back after my first year. We were supposed not to refer to the book, the first six books of Playfair's Euclid, in our study, but to work out the problems and theorems ourselves. The figures were drawn on the blackboard, and we copied them and the theorems into our notebooks. I taught the next class in Geometry, and so well had I mastered my subject, I taught from memory, seldom, if ever, referring to the text-book. Miss Melius, teacher of drawing, and Miss Carter, Miss Larcom's successor, loved each other with that soul devotion which unmarried women some- times feel for one another. After a time, they lived in a cottage of their own, and came to their classes from outside. Their end was tragic. Miss Melius becoming nearly blind, and both dying from the same lingering, painful, dreadful disease, meeting death bravely, almost defiantly, in the little cottage. . * ^ •.■■^»«4r-t tc-r ; ><*/t * yyv^ '>5«o«n -sf the -n: f^^hif^/\ t}f^. t^^i f^^ilt f// tuffii0X. It was tfce firs^ fff^fA M >r#f/| >AAr^ h;*f4 *iw1 <r>M with me Ut^titfHHfi Ut ffty /U^f^, When I was CONTEST WITH MY PARENTS 231 that no essential objection in my father's mind barred the way to Wheaton, I determined to go thither. About two weeks before the fall term began, I went to father and asked him for fifteen dollars. He gave it to me without a word. I went to Hartford and bought material for two dresses, also a hat. Mother refused to help me with the sewing. I therefore went to a friend and spent the days with her, she cutting and basting as I sewed. During this time the family relations were strained. On the morning of the day of my departure, all of my simple preparations were finished, and my small trunk was packed. While waiting for the stage which was to take me to Vernon, I went to father who was seated at his desk in his office. "Father, I want $75," I said. He handed me his pocket-book. I took from it the amount which I had specified, said good-bye, receiving no re- sponse, then went to mother for her parting kiss which she refused (the first and only time), and entered the stage. Until then I had kept my courage up, but once started, I burst into tears and had a good cry. Over and over I said to myself, '*I am right, they are wrong." Drying my tears at length, I went bravely on, and took up my school duties. I wrote home regularly for three or four weeks before one answer came. Then, 232 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS gradually those dear people took me back into their affection and things were as before. Upon the night of my gradtiation day, two years after, father and I were walking together vmder the grand old Wheaton elms. Back and forth we promenaded, I proud to have with me so splendid a man on this occasion all importajit to me. He had been present at our exercises, at the concert in which I had played on one instru- ment, the primo of a duet on two pianos (selec- tions from Norma), besides a solo; had heard my essay on **The Everlasting Hills" ending with the valedictory, prepared imder Miss Larcom's direc- tion and tied with a blue ribbon, and had seen the scholarship register, in which my record was a perfect mark in every study. The graduation exercises of those days were very different from the elaborate functions of to-day. Every girl of the graduation class had to read an essay, before the audience composed of trustees and friends, an ordeal which daunted the bravest soul. My father said : '* My daughter, I know how you have struggled to make the most of your time and opportimities during these two years, in order to save me expense, making up many of the studies and completing a four years' course in this limited time, and I want to say to you that your choice of CONTEST WITH MY PARENTS 233 Wheaton was right and mine for you was wrong. This is the better school, and more fitted for you, and I can see that you have here developed a strong rehgious and intellectual character. The teachers are fine. I don't know how you could be so sure of your course in opposition to your mother's and my wish, but I am glad to see you a graduate of Wheaton, and I congratulate you on your un- doubted success." That was my father. He would own his mistakes when convinced that he was wrong. Indeed his love and care for me are interwoven with every part of my being. All the same, it must have been trying, at the time, to have a daughter who knew her own mind so thoroughly. It is worth while to consider how this determined difference with and rebellion against the wishes of my parents was consistent with my usual conscientious character. For at that time, my conduct was guided by a keen sense of right and wrong. I knew that obedience to parents was commanded in the Bible and was in itself the law of the family, especially while I was being sup- ported by my father. The simple fact was that we, my parents and I, were all concerned to procure for me, at small expense, the best education possible. I knew better than they (so I reasoned,) 234 A DAUGHTBR OP THB PURITANS iribere my best devdopmeiit could be obtaiiied. I wished a thoroogli educatkm and was ready for hard wofk. My one term at Wheaton bad satis- fied me that there was no better place for fhe aoqtdiement of a woman's educatkm; at any rate it was the place for me. I suflEered, not from the thought that I was doing wrcmg, but because I had pained my father and mother , and had seemed ungrateful for all their goodness to me. Pather's friendship for Mr. I^vid N. Canq>, Mr. CSiailes Northend, md others connected with the Normal School in New Britain, infltienced him, I very well knew, in his wish that I should go thither. In mother's case she wished me to come home alt the end of every week, as I could easily do in an hour or two of traveling. This I knew would be detrimental to my success, as habits of study would be interrupted at home. I must have the solid term for work. I never regretted my decision, and it was a solitary instance of deliberate rebellion against my parents' wishes. One of the sweetest memories of my life is of that evening walk among the trees of Wheaton, when my father approved of my course. c r XLVI THE RELIGIOUS ATMOSPHERE OF WHEATON SEMINARY After the fine intellectual training which we received at Wheaton, the principal feattire of the school was its intensely religious atmosphere. This, of course, appealed to me. Half-hours, one for each roommate to be alone in her room, were rung morning and evening for private devotion. We were urged to spend this time in reading the Bible and prayer. I fear these duties were often hurried through, so as to have time for a last hasty glance at a lesson, but the influence of such a custom was felt in a quickening of conscience. Every Friday evening Deacon King came from Providence and held a prayer-meeting, after which he talked privately with those who wished to become Christians. He was an excellent and devoted man. Attendance at these meetings was not compulsory, but was, generally, large. "Con- versions" were frequent. Upon entering, I had 235 236 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS told Mrs. Metcalf of my intention to become a missionary. She advised me to practice work of a missionary character while I was a student. The care of the yoimgest class in school was given me, and it was my duty to ascertain the spiritual state of each girl (about forty in all), and report to Deacon King. Every Wednesday evening I held a prayer-meeting (this was in my senior year), especially for those girls. I taught them also in Bible class on Sundays. Consequently many of them came to me in a most intimate way with their spiritual difl&culties. The one idea then was that we must "win souls for Christ," if we were really His followers. I will give one instance of the sort of work which I imdertook. A new student who puzzled and troubled me, because she seemed so unapproachable, cold, and « haughty, entered one of the yoimger classes in the fall of 1 86 1. Eliza asked no favors from any one, and from choice avoided other girls so that she literally had no friends. She was perfect in her recitations, dressed well, seemed contented, and was, evidently, from a good family. I watched her for a long time, then determined to take up her case. One afternoon I asked her to walk with me. Greatly surprised, for she always walked alone, she hesitated, then consented. We were required, RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE AT WHEATON 237 if well, to walk every pleasant afternoon, and many friendships were cemented in the beautiful, quiet, and safe paths which led through the woods, fields, and gentle roads of Norton. As we walked, I asked Eliza about her home and family. Her parents were not living, and she could not remember her mother. How my heart went out to her, thinking of my own mother and father ! An imcle was her guardian, and he had sent her to Wheaton, she thought, to get her out of the way. I asked her why she did not come to my prayer-meeting. She frankly said that she had no interest in religious matters. She said, further, to my horror, that she had never sinned, and had no need of a Savior. She had always been truthful, obedient to her uncle, and had done what she considered her duty. Had I any fault to find with her as a student? I had none. "But," I said to her, "you have failed to keep the most important commandment of all, the first and greatest. " This startled her and she asked what that commandment could be. I quoted the verse, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy soul, heart, and mind." "Have you done that?" I said. She had never thought of that, and she wondered if it were possible to keep such a commandment. I told her that it was not, but we must try, and that our whole being 238 A DAUGHTER OF THE PURITANS must be filled with a desire thus to love our Maker. I saw that I had made an impression on Eliza, and I asked as an especial favor that she wotdd come to my Bible class the next Sunday. She promised, came, and seemed interested. I handed her a note as she went out asking her to walk with me again. But before the day came for our walk, I felt that I could not wait. I then wrote another note which I passed under her door, on the afternoon of the Wednesday evening prayer-meeting. I asked her to be present if she had made up her mind to try to keep the greatest of the command- ments. She was there, evidently under the stress of much emotion. I whispered to her to go to the small music room where we both often practised, and where I would soon come. I found her crying bitterly. She wept, she said, because she was the greatest of sinners, having broken the greatest of the commandments, while she called herself with- out sin. * * Conviction of sin " was most thoroughly illustrated. We both fell on our knees and prayed while we wept. Eliza clung to me. At last she was quieted, and we sat arm in arm upon the sofa, while we talked, literally, for hours. I was per- mitted the exercise of much discretion in the time of retiring, being a pupil-teacher. I quoted the verse, "He is faithful and just to forgive." She RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE AT WHEATON 239 believed the promise, and asked me if I thought she was worthy to work for God. I assured her that in no other way could she show her sincerity. From that day Eliza was wonderfully transformed. She was approachable, friendly, pathetically humble. She was ardently attached to me and never passed me without a smile of sweet under- standing. We had many walks together and her conversation was almost wholly of what God had done for her and what she wished to do for Him. Eliza remained with us until the close of the stmimer term, then went to her uncle's home. She expected to come back, but died, suddenly, a month or so after reaching home. Naturally, such work as this which strongly interested me, encroached upon my time for study. It was only by working early and late, by keeping my lamp burning long after the house was silent and dark, that I accomplished my school tasks. For my piano practice I was accustomed to rise at four and spend two hours before breakfast in the Seminary hall, where the dormitories could not be disturbed, practicing on the grand piano. Mr. Fuller, from Providence, was a very good teacher. Generally he was satisfied with my progress. If not, some sarcastic remark would make me 240 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS feel most uncomfortable. He laid for me a fine foundation on the piano, which, later. I built further upon, during nearly two years* study in Leipsic. &>.. Mr. FuUei, Teacher of Husic in WheatoD Seminoi; XLVII SANCTIFICATION AND HOLINESS The religious movement which I am about to describe, and which went like a fire through New England, including in a mighty revival, Christian people, some now living may be able to remember, along with the intensity of emotion with which it was attended. It was called a second conversion or sanctification. Those who attained to this state became holy, like God Himself, and lived without sin. Justification was experienced in the first conversion, but that was a low ideal for a Christian who should aspire to a sinless state, a habit of holiness. This was the highest ex- perience of a soul, either in heaven or on earth. Whoever attained would be imder the especial care of the Holy Spirit whose guardianship would be like a protecting armor of holiness, making sin impossible. This blessed uplift could be obtained by faith alone. God would answer prayer, even the prayer for holiness. If one believed that one x6 241 242 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS came into that blessed state, one was already there. It was a region of perfect purity and peace. No trouble could disturb this peace which lifted the soul above affliction or bereavement. The desire for sanctification shook our school to its center. Por days teachers and pupils strove mightily for it. Classes were suspended, and prayer-meetings took their place. Deacon King was with us most of the time. At all hours of the day, supplication could be heard as a few gathered together in the small music and study rooms. We wept, we struggled. All faces were awe-struck. A solemn hush instead of the cheerful himi of girls' voices was everywhere. As one and another emerged from this sorrowful state and annoimced with joy that she had be- come sanctified, those who were still in darkness crowded around and asked how she had done it. The answer was always the same, **I simply believed God's word." With faces shining these persons went among the others and tried to help them. Most of the teachers professed *'to have attained," before the scholars. Those to whom no light was vouchsafed were wholly mis- erable. I was one of the last to believe, and reach sanctification, but, finally, after a solemn interview with Deacon King, I came into the light. After this I was calm and happy, and SANCTIPICATION AND HOLINESS 243 I told in prayer-meeting that my struggles wer^ ended. There was a physical as well as psychological element in this singular experience. One cannot maintain such intense emotion for long. Some- thing must break. The calm that came from belief, or * 'faith, *' was, partly, at least, a nervous reaction, following intense excitement. If I remember correctly. Miss Larcom and Miss Cole kept away from this singular revival, but said nothing to discourage it. Mr. Fuller also kept silence, but I had the impression that he was secretly amused, and sceptical. I wrote home about my wonderful experience, and urged my parents also to believe and be sancti- fied. My father, while congratulating me, did not seem to be as enthusiastic as I supposed he would be. Perhaps the thought of a sinless daughter was not wholly pleasing. When I next went home, I determined to do some missionary work with father and mother. I had a lofty, spiritual air, a tranquillity of soul which nothing could disturb, for I wished to show them what a sanctified person should be. One day father and I walked down to the village together. My conversation was on high and holy themes. Father remarked about the weather, 244 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS fearing it might rain before he could get in his hay. I remember my exact words in reply. **My heavenly Pather has sent this weather because it pleases Him. Therefore it pleases me." *'Oho/* said father. ''Being satisfied with the weather is sanctification is it?" I felt like a pricked toy balloon. I had reproved my father. Was that not sin? But I could not sin. I did not even need to guard against it, because now it was contrary to my nature. But how silly I must appear to father! Silly and stupid. Not all at once did I relapse from sanctification, but very soon I realized that * * the old man * ' was still there, and I was not only tempted, but gave way to irritation or sharp words, just as I always had done. And I recall with some amusement how relieved I felt to come down from my high estate where it had been really uncomfortable to keep myself constantly perched. I was like a child who, after trjring hard to be good, simply gives it up and enjoys being naughty. By and by I fancied that one conversion was enough for me, and I became normal in my conduct. Mother and father wisely said little, but they both suggested that my duty lay in self-forgetfulness, in ceasing to think about my own state, and in being SANCTIFICATION AND HOLINESS 245 kind and helpful where help was needed, in trjring to make the world a little better for my being in it. When I went back to Wheaton, everything was as usual; everybody sinned as of yore, and the word '*sanctification** became obsolete. The Civil War began while I was in Wheaton, and in the school it produced a mighty commotion, a wave of patriotism which swept all before it. We wore buttons and small flags. We spent every spare moment of our time in making gray flannel shirts and knitting woolen socks for the soldiers. We also pulled lint and rolled bandages. A few Southern girls dared to wear secession buttons. We Northerners made their lives a burden to them. We tore their buttons from their waists, and shimned the wearers as we would some con- tagious disease. At last Mrs. Metcalf interfered and took away the buttons from all of us; also she advised the Southern girls to go home and not come back. After the next vacation there were few among us who were not sympathizers with our tmion aspirations. We had a great flag raising. A fine flag was purchased with our imited contributions, and was raised and imfurled with great ceremony. Miss Larcom composed a poem for the occasion, and we had speeches from the trustees, in an out-of- 246 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS doors meeting. We sang with all our strength of voice The Star-Spangled Banner, and we laughed and we cried as we sang. Most of us had a soldier friend or relative in the army, from whom we had exciting letters. I had one such friend, the boy that used to draw me on his fine sled to the Rockville school. He survived the war after a long hospital experience, having received a wound in the hip which lamed him for life, an honorable lameness as I thought then and do now. He too is gone. XLVIII MISSIONARY ASPIRATIONS QUENCHED After my graduation from Wheaton, I remained at home for the simimer. I began seriously to consider carrying out my plans for becoming a missionary, and begged my father to propose my name to the Congregational Board of Missions, the A.B.C.P.M. He wrote to the Secretary of the Board, Mr. Treat, and invited him to visit us for the purpose of examining his daughter. This gentleman came, being interested, of course, in my candidacy. I told him I wished to teach in some such school as that in Beirut, where Miss Rice and Miss Fiske were then stationed. But first I would study for a year the language of the cotmtry to which I should be sent, without salary. My father, indeed, offered to pay my salary, ship a piano to my home, and send me whatever I should need for my happiness, of books, music, and furniture. Mr. Treat stayed with us two or three days studying me, I have no doubt, then gave his 247 248 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS decision. It was adverse. He said that I was too delicate in health to enter upon such an arduous life, of the hardships and requirements of which I had no suspicion. If I were to go now, I would either break down or have to be sent home because of invalidism. They wanted in the work strong and sturdy women. * 'Besides,** he added, **we want married women more than single. Even if it curtails the wife's time to work, the Christian family planted in the midst of heathenism is worth more than teaching and preaching.*' Had I any thought of being some missionary's wife? I had not. The conclusion was that if my health became more settled in the course of a few years, I might offer myself again. At present it would be a needless sacrifice of an American girl's life, and Mr. Treat strongly advised a long rest in my home which, he said, was a most attractive place. I was not needed at home, the yoimger children being still there, and I intended to find something to do. In those days teaching was the only lady- like occupation, and my father strongly opposed even that for me, saying that there was money enough in the till for us both. But I could not rest. I knew that I should never present myself for the missionary field again. The enthusiasm had suddenly gone out. This then was the end of my MISSIONARY HOPES QUENCHED 249 aspirations in that direction. The responsibility was not mine. I felt that the Lord's hand was in it, and that He wanted me in some other place. One day two gentlemen drove from New Britain to see my father. They were Mr. Northend and Mr. Bartlett, the former one of a school committee, the latter the principal of the High School of that city. They were seeking an assistant to the principal for the school. They had met me at a ** Teachers* Convention,*' held in Vernon. They knew of my desire to teach, and came to oflEer me the position. There need be no examination, as they had judged of my competency in my answers given at the convention to questions proposed by the leader. I accepted the position and left details to be arranged with father. I was to receive four hundred dollars salary, and would be instructed in my duties by the principal when the time came. I entered upon this work early in September, and remained for two years engaged in what was always a delightful task. Mr. Bartlett left after a year's time to take charge of the Normal School which held its sessions upstairs in the same building, and whose principalship was considered an advance both socially and pecuniarily upon that of our city high school. The members of the senior class of the Normal 250 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS School, by teaching classes for practice in the High, saved the expense of a second assistant for that school. I never could see any other advantage, for the Normal pupils were young, always in- experienced, and generally were failures as regarded discipline. Their classes constantly de- manded supervision from the regular high school teachers. A substitute teacher has no real author- ity, and yoimgsters understand that perfectly. The Intermediate and Primary schools of the city were held in the same building with the High. During the morning and afternoon recesses the teachers of all the grades were accustomed to gather before the windows of the Intermediate which overlooked the yards where the boys and girls played. Miss Martin, an exceedingly capable and delightful teacher, had charge of this grade. She was a good singer, and taught her pupils to sing sweetly and with expression. I remember especially the singing by her class of List to the Mocking Bird. While we were in session one morning news came of a terrible battle which was going on, between the Federals and the Confederates in the Civil War, in which our side was likely to be defeated. I think, but am not sure, that this was the Battle of Gettysburg. Consternation filled every heart MISSIONARY HOPES QUENCHED 251 and fear paled every face. It was with difficulty that we could conduct our classes. At recess, as with common impulse, we gathered at Miss Mar- tin's window. We spoke in whispers, and some were in tears. Mr. Bartlett came into this group of sorrowful women. In a solemn voice he read the 46th Psalm. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth do change and the mountains be shaken into the heart of the seas. Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. (The revised version is wonderfully poetical.) We were gradually calmed. **Now, ** said our princi- pal, **let us go about our duties with cheerfulness and confidence. We will not fear. In the end Right will triumph. '* The recess-over bell rang, and we went to our classes, cheered and strength- ened. Mr. Bartlett was an ideal man for his position, kind and lovable, with easy and perfect discipline. It was a blow to the High School when, at the end of my first year as assistant, he left us for the Normal. As no principal could then be engaged for our school, it being late in the summer, I was asked to assimie that posi- tion. I hesitated, for I was far from strong, and XLVII SANCTIFICATION AND HOLINESS The religious movement which I am about to describe, and which went like a fire through New England, including in a mighty revival, Christian people, some now living may be able to remember, along with the intensity of emotion with which it was attended. It was called a second conversion or sanctification. Those who attained to this state became holy, like God Himself, and lived without sin. Justification was experienced in the first conversion, but that was a low ideal for a Christian who should aspire to a sinless state, a habit of holiness. This was the highest ex- perience of a soul, either in heaven or on earth. Whoever attained would be imder the especial care of the Holy Spirit whose guardianship would be like a protecting armor of holiness, making sin impossible. This blessed uplift could be obtained by faith alone. God would answer prayer, even the prayer for holiness. If one believed that one z6 241 254 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS you again.** James began to tremble and beg. He apologized, and said he would obey all the rules if only I would ''call oflE" the big boys. I did so, asking for a delay of the penalty, during good behavior. After that I had no resistance to my lawful authority, nor the least infraction of discipline. SANCTIPICATION AND HOLINESS 243 I told in prayer-meeting that my struggles wer^ ended. There was a physical as well as psychological element in this singular experience. One cannot maintain such intense emotion for long. Some- thing must break. The calm that came from belief, or ''faith,'* was, partly, at least, a nervous reaction, following intense excitement. If I remember correctly. Miss Larcom and Miss Cole kept away from this singular revival, but said nothing to discourage it. Mr. Fuller also kept silence, but I had the impression that he was secretly amused, and sceptical. I wrote home about my wonderful experience, and urged my parents also to believe and be sancti- fied. My father, while congratulating me, did not seem to be as enthusiastic as I supposed he would be. Perhaps the thought of a sinless daughter was not wholly pleasing. When I next went home, I determined to do some missionary work with father and mother. I had a lofty, spiritual air, a tranquillity of soul which nothing could disturb, for I wished to show them what a sanctified person should be. One day father and I walked down to the village together. My conversation was on high and holy themes. Father remarked about the weather, 236 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS told Mrs. Metcalf of my intention to become a missionaiy. She advised me to practice work of a missionaiy character while I was a student. The care of the youngest class in school was given me, and it was my duty to ascertain the spiritual state of each girl (about forty in all), and report to Deacon King. Every Wednesday evening I held a prayer-meeting (this was in my senior year), especially for those girls. I taught them also in Bible class on Sundays. Consequently many of them came to me in a most intimate way with their spiritual difficulties. The one idea then was that we must **win souls for Christ," if we were really His followers. I will give one instance of the sort of work which I tmdertook. A new student who puzzled and troubled me, because she seemed so unapproachable, cold, and haughty, entered one of the yotmger classes in the fall of 1 86 1. Eliza asked no favors from any one, and from choice avoided other girls so that she literally had no friends. She was perfect in her recitations, dressed well, seemed contented, and was, evidently, from a good family. I watched her for a long time, then determined to take up her case. One afternoon I asked her to walk with me. Greatly surprised, for she always walked alone, she hesitated, then consented. We were required, RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE AT WHEATON 237 if well, to walk every pleasant afternoon, and many friendships were cemented in the beautiful, quiet, and safe paths which led through the woods, fields, and gentle roads of Norton. As we walked, I asked Eliza about her home and family. Her parents were not living, and she could not remember her mother. How my heart went out to her, thinking of my own mother and father ! An uncle was her guardian, and he had sent her to Wheaton, she thought, to get her out of the way. I asked her why she did not come to my prayer-meeting. She frankly said that she had no interest in religious matters. She said, fiuther, to my horror, that she had never sinned, and had no need of a Savior. She had always been truthful, obedient to her unde, and had done what she considered her duty. Had I any fault to find with her as a student? I had none. **But, ** I said to her, **you have failed to keep the most important commandment of all, the first and greatest." This startled her and she asked what that commandment could be. I quoted the verse, '*Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy soul, heart, and mind." "Have you done that?" I said. She had never thought of that, and she wondered if it were possible to keep such a commandment. I told her that it was not, but we must try, and that our whole being 236 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS told Mrs. Metcalf of my intention to become a missionaiy. She advised me to practice work of a missionaiy character while I was a student. The care of the youngest class in school was given me, and it was my duty to ascertain the spiritual state of each girl (about forty in all), and report to Deacon King. Every Wednesday evening I held a prayer-meeting (this was in my senior year), especially for those girls. I taught them also in Bible class on Sundays. Consequently many of them came to me in a most intimate way with their spiritual difficulties. The one idea then was that we must "win souls for Christ," if we were really His followers. I will give one instance of the sort of work which I undertook. A new student who puzzled and troubled me, because she seemed so unapproachable, cold, and haughty, entered one of the younger classes in the fall of 1 86 1. Eliza asked no favors from any one, and from choice avoided other girls so that she literally had no friends. She was perfect in her recitations, dressed well, seemed contented, and was, evidently, from a good family. I watched her for a long time, then determined to take up her case. One afternoon I asked her to walk with me. Greatly surprised, for she always walked alone, she hesitated, then consented. We were required, RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE AT WHEATON 237 if well, to walk every pleasant afternoon, and many friendships were cemented in the beautiful, quiet, and safe paths which led through the woods, fields, and gentle roads of Norton. As we walked, I asked Eliza about her home and family. Her parents were not living, and she could not remember her mother. How my heart went out to her, thinking of my own mother and father ! An tmcle was her guardian, and he had sent her to Wheaton, she thought, to get her out of the way. I asked her why she did not come to my prayer-meeting. She frankly said that she had no interest in religious matters. She said, fiuther, to my horror, that she had never sinned, and had no need of a Savior. She had always been truthful, obedient to her unde, and had done what she considered her duty. Had I any fault to find with her as a student? I had none. '*But," I said to her, '*you have failed to keep the most important commandment of all, the first and greatest." This startled her and she asked what that commandment could be. I quoted the verse, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy soul, heart, and mind." **Have you done that?" I said. She had never thought of that, and she wondered if it were possible to keep such a commandment. I told her that it was not, but we must try, and that our whole being 236 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS told Mrs. Metcalf of my intention to become a missionary. She advised me to practice work of a missionary character while I was a student. The care of the youngest class in school was given me, and it was my duty to ascertain the spiritual state of each girl (about forty in all), and report to Deacon King. Every Wednesday evening I held a prayer-meeting (this was in my senior year), especially for those girls. I taught them also in Bible class on Sundays. Consequently many of them came to me in a most intimate way with their spiritual difficulties. The one idea then was that we must "win souls for Christ," if we were really His followers. I will give one instance of the sort of work which I tmdertook. A new student who puzzled and troubled me, because she seemed so unapproachable, cold, and haughty, entered one of the yotmger classes in the fall of 1 86 1. Eliza asked no favors from any one, and from choice avoided other girls so that she literally had no friends. She was perfect in her recitations, dressed well, seemed contented, and was, evidently, from a good family. I watched her for a long time, then determined to take up her case. One afternoon I asked her to walk with me. Greatly surprised, for she always walked alone, she hesitated, then consented. We were required, RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE AT WHEATON 237 if well, to walk every pleasant afternoon, and many friendships were cemented in the beautiful, quiet, and safe paths which led through the woods, fields, and gentle roads of Norton. As we walked, I asked Eliza about her home and family. Her parents were not living, and she could not remember her mother. How my heart went out to her, thinking of my own mother and father ! An uncle was her guardian, and he had sent her to Wheaton, she thought, to get her out of the way. I asked her why she did not come to my prayer-meeting. She frankly said that she had no interest in religious matters. She said, further, to my horror, that she had never sinned, and had no need of a Savior. She had always been truthful, obedient to her unde, and had done what she considered her duty. Had I any fault to find with her as a student? I had none. '*But, " I said to her, "you have failed to keep the most important commandment of all, the first and greatest." This startled her and she asked what that commandment could be. I quoted the verse, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy soul, heart, and mind." "Have you done that?" I said. She had never thought of that, and she wondered if it were possible to keep such a commandment. I told her that it was not, but we must try, and that our whole being 262 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS otir troth, taking those vows upon us which cannot lightly be loosened. It was a simple wedding, at which only a few of our friends and relatives were present, for otir house was not large, and in those days, quiet home weddings were the rule. Dr. Leonard Bacon married us, he having been persuaded, in the absence of our minister, to come to us from Yale College. Some of my atmts and tmdes were present, as well as my step-grandmother. Rock- ville and New Britain friends were there, few of whom are living now. I wore a simple dress of white organdie muslin, made in the full style of the day. I had artificial orange blossoms in my veil and carried a bouquet of white roses bought from a Hartford florist. The stockings and white kid slippers which I wore had been worn by my mother at her wedding. (I had sewed new bottoms to the feet of the stockings.) The slippers had very high heels and narrow toes so that I was extremely uncomfortable while I had them on, and slipped out of the room as soon as possible to don my own which were also of white kid. Such is the price paid by comfort to sentiment. Mother had prepared a botmtif ul luncheon which was enjoyed by every one. The marriage cere- mony was at three to accommodate the New Mrs. Caroline A. S. Creevef Taken looa •lice nuniag* THE NEW PRINCIPAL 263 Britain guests who came on the half-past two train. At five, I had changed my dress for a traveling suit of soft gray, including a pretty hat, and my husband and I took the train for New Haven where I met several of ' * the boys ' ' to whom I was the class bride. After that we visited my husband's parents, and then went to Cincinnati where my husband had an engagement to teach. After varied experiences in that city (twice I had the cholera and came near death), where we lived for the better part of six years, I went to Leipsic for the purpose of canying out my long-cherished desire to study the piano, harmony of music, and the German language. My husband meanwhile gave up teaching and fitted himself for the practice of law. A vigorous correspondence during this separation demonstrated that * * absence makes the heart grow fonder, " and our retmion after almost two years remains one of the most jojrful days of my life. We took up our residence in Brooklyn and Mr. Creevey practiced law in New York. It is not my purpose to extend these reminis- cences beyond that wonderful twentieth of August when we began our intimate life together. Of course we "lived happily together forever after,** but we had our share of trials, of bereavements, sicknesses, pain, struggles, disappointments, joy, 264 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS and success. We treasure them all in Memory's golden bowl. It must be a true love between man and wife to stand the test of life. Sacrifices must be made by both, but if the years do not bring out of Cupid's romance a real comradeship, in which two natures learn perfect sympathy, in which they become more unselfish, more full of understanding, more intimate, more appreciative of the good qualities of each other, then marriage indeed, is a failure. And no tragedy is more pitiful than that. latest Photograph of Mra. Creevej AFTERWORD It has been said that the only reason for an autobiography is the introduction into it of famous persons whom the writer has met, or failing that the life story must be absolutely true and frank. In my case, the first excuse does not exist; the second does. My childhood and girlhood were passed in a delightful seclusion, in intercourse with New England's best men and women, far from dty circles of wealth and fashion. And for that I cannot be too grateful. The religious atmosphere in which I lived was intense, strongly dominating character, guided by a ** lively con- science." We were sternly taught that what we wanted was not always the thing most desirable of attainment. **He that loseth his life shall gain it" was the spirit of our religion. To gain even the whole world and thereby lose one's soul (the phrase meaning deterioration of char- acter) would be a bad exchange. Self-sacrifice and self-control were early instilled into children's minds. 365 266 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS Many Christians were superstitiotis in their de- pendence on the Bible, believing, for instance, that the fall of Adam and Eve from a holy estate was responsible for all the sin and misery of the world, ever since. Charles Darwin had already disturbed that legend, and my father, whose mind was given to dear reasoning, followed the theory of evolution from lower to higher, with great interest. I re- member his saying that reason and the ability to have faith were both God-given, therefore they could not dash. Most people did not think at all in those days, any more than most people do to-day. They went with the multitude, or rather with the long-established doctrines of the Protestant church. The first flutterings of in- dividual flights of right thinking were weak and painful. Had my father lived thirty years later, he would cordially have hailed the advance of sdence, even when it disturbed old faiths. Such a life as mine, although uneventful, ought to be interesting, and, I hope instructive. I have always had a full life, free from that blasS feding which comes from not having enough to fill and round out the days. Time has never hung heavily on my hands. And now that I am on the border- land of old age, my prindpal emotion seems to be surprise. I do not feel older than when I was really AFTERWORD 267 young. If this is to be old, I do not dread it. I would not lose one out of the many years I have had, nor one of the trials and physical pains which I have suffered. They did not leave any real scars. The lines which tdl the story of my age are on my face. But who, at my age, would wish to have a perfectly smooth face? That would mean dearth of experiences, a barren record. In the summer of 191 3 I went to Norton and was welcomed as a fifty-year-old graduate of Wheaton Seminary. The girls looked me over with a sort of curiosity. Many of them said, "Why, Mrs. Creevey, you don't look old as if you had been out of college fifty years. " I said to them, * * Dear young girls, it is true. I am a fifty-year-old graduate. But don't worry on my account. In some ways I am as young as you. And I have had time to learn many lessons that you still must learn and which you will find hard. " If life has been full of sweetness and love for us, of interesting family life and warm friends, every added year only freshens our youth by bringing immortality nearer, and adding to our wonderful store of memories. "Surely goodness andmercy have followed me all the days of my life." My early struggles with the religion of fear at length gave way to that of love. The wonder in my mind, — I don't call it doubt, — whether all 268 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS could be true which I was taught as a child, came early, and after some years of indecision, in which I longed to know but could not; in which parts of the church creed slipped away from my sturdy belief, I came to rest quietly contented in the one only sure foundation of contentment, the assur- ance that a Divine Will is behind the laws of the universe, arranging the order of development which we call nature, and that this Divine Will also embraces the highest created thing, humanity ; that* harmony in nature can come only in con- formity to that Will, and that our human lives, in order to be perfected, must come into true subjection to that Will. Patience in suffering and trust for all that is mysterious has become my habit of thought. In my life many of my dear friends have gone on before. I miss them sorely and cannot bear to think I may not meet them again in some other planet, some fairer home where comradeship may be renewed through memory. But since I cannot have such absolute assurance, that also is the Will of God, and I can rest just there, hoping. Also I wish I might live another life to correct the mistakes made in this. But nothing really matters since the Father of Love directs all. My own expenence has taught me not to regard AFTERWORD 269 those who differ from me as wrong, while I am right. (This was a rather hard lesson for me to learn, for as a yotmg person I was exceedingly sure of myself. Indeed I was much too self-assertive.) God manifests Himself in many ways. Many find Him in the glorious tones of a well-played organ. And it does seem to me that in music is our highest expression of religion. Others find Him in Latin masses and processions, in incense and vested choirs. Some must kneel in prayer, while others bow the head. To some, every word in the Apostles Creed and the Shorter Catechism is heavy with truth and beauty. To me these are not essentials. Christ preached against long prayers which were uttered to be heard of men. He left few rules for our guidance, but left us free to find God as we would. Spiritual worship, which is essential, consists in drawing near to God (calling Him what we will, the Great Unknowable, the Universal Spirit, the Heavenly Father), and desiring to become like Him. It should be natural to open the heart to some perfect Being, infinitely greater than ourselves, whom we may call God. Those who feel that going to church and observing days for fasting and prayer are essentials to spirit- ual life and are meritorious in themselves, are entitled to my respect, although to me liturgical 270 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS worship has no connection with morality and spirituality. It is the inner, the invisible life which counts, and the outward expression of our devotion may differ in a thousand ways, all of which may be acceptable to the One whom we worship. Many women of this day seem to me to be making sad havoc of their opporttmities when they devote their best efforts to getting away from their sex, making of themselves a sort of hybrid, a cross between man and woman, being unable to perform all the duties of men, and unwilling to take up the distinctive work of women. The matter of ** votes for women" appears to me quite incidental and unimportant, except as it must almost inevitably be attended by the cheapening excitement of politics and, perhaps, by family discord. That which is termed feminism is certainly dishonoring to the home because it weakens love for and desire to have children. The ** spinster" from choice, and from a desire to pursue an tunnter- rupted career, deliberately casts aside husband, home, and children, her greatest blessings. She is opposing the Divine Will in her creation. It would have been possible for God to make us all men, of equal strength and ability, and to provide for the propagation of the htunan race in some AFTERWORD 271 other way. But He has not done so. And evil will come if we are out of harmony with that Will. It is fair to care for the "ego," and pro- vide for its true development. But I do not find the ego of the first importance. The great Teacher came not to be ministered unto. Self- development should make us strong to help the weak. And for her contentment there should be a big margin in every woman's life for duties and pleasures outside of her family cares. Until we find the true solution of the ** woman ques- tion/' unrest and disturbance, violent partisan- ship, waste of time and energy, with frequent divorces and neglected or unhappy homes, will continue. I may not be called one of the new women because I believe certain things, the best of all ages, which cannot change. The ideals of true woman- hood are as old as Christ who used his wonderful powers, not for self-betterment and glorification, but for healing and comforting ; and as Paul who bade us bear one another's burdens. Too great free- dom for self is a form of selfishness and selfishness is the cardinal sin of our earth. There can be to-day no higher ideals of duty than were manifested in and wrought out of the souls of such women as my mother. Their well-balanced characters cannot be 272 A DAUGHTER OP THE PURITANS improved upon, even as the age moves on in sci- ence, in medicine, in wealth, in improvement of social conditions, in all material matters. Por the life of a man consists not in the outward things which affect him. As in the beginning of the Christ life the wise men cast their most precious gifts at the feet of the child, so must the women of this age do, find- ing their chief glory in being mothers of sons and daughters, else the Madonna crown will no longer encircle their brows. Perhaps the Puritan idea that this life is not all we have to live, but that it is the beginning of an age-long existence, if really- believed, would bring better results for us all than the materialism and unbelief which so generally prevail in our day. To be a daughter of the Puritans is a goodly heritage.